Hope and grief can coexist

I don’t know about you, but it’s increasingly difficult for me to get out of bed in the morning. So far, I’ve been able to rally my energy rather than remain curled in the fetal position with the covers pulled over my head, but today I feel the need to return to one of my favorite resources, LET THIS RADICALIZE YOU (mentioned earlier here).

Sandhill Cranes from March 11, 2024, here representing Hope and Grief

The wise Kelly Hayes and Mariame Kaba wrote a chapter titled “Hope and Grief Can Coexist” which is filled with wisdom from their decades of organizing. The following was written in conjunction with paragraphs about climate collapse, but also applies to our broader experience (emphasis mine):

We feel deeply for those who are suffering and for the young people who have inherited this era of catastrophe. We share in their heartbreak and fury.

We also know this: hope and grief can coexist, and if we wish to transform the world, we must learn to hold and to process both simultaneously. That process will, as ever, involve reaching for community.

In a society where fellowship and connection are so lacking, where isolation and loneliness abound, we are often ill equipped to process grief. [   ]  Grief can also lead us to retreat and recoil and, too often, to abandon people to suffer in ways that we cannot bear to process and behold. 

. . . we, as people, do have power. Depending on our choices, we can turn away from injustice and let it continue, or we can confront our grief and move forward to shift the course of societal action in the face of a massive failure of leadership and institutional abandonment. Grief, after all, is a manifestation of love, and our capacity to grieve is in some ways proportional to our capacity to care. Grief is painful, but when we process our grief in community, we are less likely to slip into despair.

Personally, it helps to view my grief as a manifestation of love, maybe because it’s a reminder of my sense of humanity and connection to others, which makes the pain feel almost welcome. Maybe this perspective does the same for you. Later in the chapter, Hayes and Kaba write:

When we talk about hope in these times, we are not prescribing optimism. Rather, we are talking about a practice and a discipline–what Joanna Macy and Chris Johnstone have termed “Active Hope.” As Macy and Johnstone write,

Active Hope is a practice. Like tai chi or gardening, it is something we do rather than have. It is a process we can apply to any situation, and it involves three key steps. First, we take a clear view of reality; second, we identify what we hope for in terms of the direction we’d like to see expressed; and third, we take steps to move ourselves or our situation in that direction. Since Active Hope doesn’t require our optimism, we can apply it even in areas where we feel hopeless. The guiding impetus is intention; we choose what we aim to bring about, act for, or express. Rather than weighing our chances and proceeding only when we feel hopeful, we focus on our intention and let it be our guide.

Hayes and Kaba continue: This practice of hope allows us to remain creative and strategic. It does not require us to deny the severity of our situation or detract from our practice of grief. To practice active hope, we do not need to believe that everything will work out in the end. We need only decide who we are choosing to be and how we are choosing to function in relation to the outcome we desire and abide by what those decisions demand of us.

This practice of hope does not guarantee any victories against long odds, but it does make those victories more possible. Hope, therefore, is not only a source of comfort to the afflicted but also a strategic imperative.

Whew. Just typing out those words helped center me in my grief and to feel those stirrings of hope all over again. My wish is that they do the same for you. Solidarity, friends!

Bird balm for the soul

This afternoon Zippy and I went to Belmar Park for an infusion of nature, and it was just what we needed. The Double-crested Cormorants were nesting and their grunting, pig-like sounds cracked me up.

I also enjoyed the Canada Geese and after downloading my pics was pleasantly surprised to discover this photo also includes an array of sunning Painted turtles.

We also saw a whole lot of Barn Swallows flying above the water, catching insects. A couple times we startled at whirring sounds as they flew inches from our heads. Here’s one taking a break.

Later, I saw this Tree Swallow perched in a tree. Always a thrill when swallows (or any bird, for that matter!) sit still long enough for identification and a decent photo.

There were other sightings (Red-winged Blackbirds, American Robins, Common Grackles), but I’m losing steam so will close with this fellow:

Although I had no idea what I was seeing, Zippy informed me this is a Greater White-fronted Goose. I was particularly taken by the orange feet and legs which is quite a dapper look. However, when Zippy walked past the second time there was some hissing.

But no biting, so all was well. No harm, no fowl!

Wordful Wednesday: Geese & Gaza

Isn’t this a serene image? Five geese winging their way through blue, blue skies? Aren’t you glad you can view this in the safety and comfort of your home?

Monte Vista National Wildlife Refuge. March 11, 2024

On February 1, I wrote about the Biden administration callously suspending funding for UNRWA (United Nations Relief and Works Agency for Palestine Refugees) because of unfounded allegations against some of the workers. In the time since, Israel has offered zero evidence of those lies and one million people are facing starvation and the spread of preventable diseases. Per Jewish Voice for Peace: Today, one-third of children under the age of two in Gaza’s north are suffering from acute malnutrition, more than double the number from a month ago. 

PLEASE take two minutes to email your Representative and two Senators, asking them to pressure the Biden administration to resume funding of UNRWA. That link contains a letter template you can personalize. I know we’ve already emailed them with this same demand, but we cannot stop pressuring them to do the right thing until they actually do the right thing.

As way of thanks, here’s another gooseful photo:

Monte Vista National Wildlife Refuge. March 12, 2024

Solidarity!

Sunday Confessional: crane overwhelm

As I posted last Wednesday, we recently had the privilege of witnessing a layover during the migration of Sandhill Cranes. This trip was fifteen years in the making as we’d planned to go to Monte Vista in March of 2009, but had to cancel for health-related reasons. And somehow, we never got our acts together until this year. All this to say, last week’s experience was a very big deal for a variety of reasons, and it didn’t disappoint. In fact, I literally have hundreds of high quality images from the two days we spent watching the cranes. For the last couple days I’ve been trying to rally my decision-making skills so that I can share photos (although not all that time was spent agonizing over photo selection as some hours were spent shoveling the 27 inches of snow we got in the storm that started Wednesday evening and finally ended Friday morning).

Decisions! This is where the overwhelm comes in: how can I possibly choose from all my wonderful photos? How can I convey the whole experience with just a sampling of pics?

Should I begin with the very first photo I took on Monday evening? (click all to enlarge)

Do I include the yoga-pose photo?

Do I share the majesty of cranes flying against the backdrop of the Sangre de Cristo Mountains?

Should I include an image showing how the camera sometimes struggled to focus on the closest crane when SO MANY OTHER CRANES were headed our way?

Or the very first crane dance I had the honor of witnessing? (According to BirdNote, Sandhill Cranes mate for life and they do this dance each spring to reaffirm their bond.)

And I should probably include an image that shows how close all of us were to these magnificent birds, right?

Maybe include an image showing another field we visited right as the sun went down (even though the photo doesn’t convey the sound of THOUSANDS of cranes), where many stood facing west?

Along with a photo showing how the cranes just kept coming?

And what about the next day’s photos–should I begin with this crane running before lift-off?

No doubt I should include this crane ‘s dance that began with a leap, right?

But then which of the other dance moves should I include . . .maybe this?

And which of the many photos I took at the other field when approximately three thousand cranes lifted off as one (leaving behind just three cranes who remained in the field for another hour) should I share?

Unfortunately (or not), I don’t have a photo of me overcome with emotion in this moment, tears running down my face. I can only say that being in the presence of all those cranes in motion/in community was one of the most profound experiences of my life. Minutes later, I stood in the silence they’d left behind, incredibly grateful for the gift of their presence and the peace of that moment, wishing that same kind of peace for everyone around the world.

I have an entire afternoon and evening worth of photos that I haven’t delved into here, but I’ll stop so as to not overwhelm anyone else. No worries, though! I’m absolutely positive I’ll be posting more in the near future. 🙂

Sandhill Cranes

We had a glorious time at Monte Vista National Wildlife Refuge with the thousands of Sandhill Cranes. This is just a tiny taste of what we experienced and one of the final photos I took yesterday evening. These four cranes were coming in for a landing at a popular feeding spot in the barley field.

March 12, 2024

I don’t know what it was about that corner but during each of the three feeding times we witnessed, cranes showed up at that spot which is within 50 feet of where people are allowed to stand. There’d be just a few to start and then others, like the four above, would drop in to join them. Zippy joked about the cranes having an agreement to take turns posing for the humans. Whatever the reason, I’m grateful for their presence. More photos to come!

Sunday Confessional: on feeling powerless

I haven’t been here much lately because reality feels so very hard. Don’t think anyone would argue with that sentiment, but I do know that many would argue against giving up. And they’re right. Despite the fact that these are incredibly dark days in which we’re facing multiple crises funded and enabled by the powerful elite–people who live insulated lives and truly do not care what the rest of us think and want–that doesn’t mean we can drop out of the struggle. There’s so much to fight for–people and planet.

So, today I’m dipping back in on a small scale. Here is a wee mouse that was hanging out below one of our bird feeders.

January 16, 2024

It was brutally cold that day and this little mouse was out doing what needed doing in order to survive. They weren’t giving up without a fight.

I won’t, either.

Snowy aftermath

Yesterday my plan to spend the day doing revisions was upended by a snowstorm that began at about 10:00 in the morning and continued for twelve hours. By the time it ended, we’d received at least 17 inches of snow (it was HEAVY so there was compression). This was the view out the kitchen window right after sunrise this morning.

And here’s the patio where we’d sat just days earlier when the temperatures were in the 50s.

Yesterday’s shoveling was an exercise in futility as the snow fell faster than we could clear it. The neighbors and I never had more than a minute or two of feeling a sense of accomplishment before the pavement was covered again and we had to start all over.

A neighbor from farther up the hill made a crucial error when driving up our street on his way home: he stopped to allow a struggling vehicle to get past on the barely plowed street and then was unable to get going again. His vehicle slid to the gutter and my immediate neighbors and I spent a long time trying to dig them out, but the road got too slick beneath the tires and there was no traction. He ended up abandoning the vehicle overnight.

Despite waking up a bit stiff and tired from all the shoveling, I couldn’t resist the lure of the open space. Late this morning, I gathered my snowshoes and poles, and walked up to the trailhead. After strapping on the snowshoes, I veered off the path where others had already walked, thinking I wanted my own adventure. Um, no. The deep snow made each step a major chore and I knew I’d be exhausted within minutes. I instead followed others’ footprints, huffing and puffing as I gained elevation beneath the blue-blue-blue sky. I did my best to ignore the nasty brown cloud hovering above Denver and the surrounding area. Instead, I smiled at the yucca spines sticking up from the snow, marveled at the really deep drifts, and listened to chickadees and juncos. There were deer tracks and ski tracks, and I saw one person carrying a snowboard. Up on the ridgeline, a group of younger people were sledding down the hill.

On the way down, I chose to take advantage of gravity and break trail rather than follow the established trail. Plumes of snow rose and fell with each step, making me feel strong and powerful.

And after getting home and eating some delicious avocado toast, I finally got to work on revisions. Yay!

Twofer Tuesday: feathered friends

Birds are keeping me going during these dark days. Even more than usual, I’m intentionally watching and listening for them with the knowledge that such interactions ground me and bring a moment of peace. And joy.

Today as Zippy, Emma, and I took a slow walk in the neighborhood, we heard a loud call. A hawk was perched in a tree above the street. I quickly pulled up my Merlin app in hopes it would help me identify whether it was a Cooper’s Hawk or Sharp-shinned Hawk. Unfortunately, the hawk went silent. But we were gifted with an up-close sighting as the raptor flew directly above our heads (and no, I couldn’t tell whether the tail feathers were rounded or flat) and then circled back around before landing in another tree. A gift to us.

Here’s another bird that brought me joy recently. A White-breasted Nuthatch exploring the tree trunk outside my window. I was thrilled to get a decent photo because these guys are always on the move.

January 13, 2024

And here’s a familiar face: male House Finch, of which we see many every single day. But every sighting brings a smile.

January 13, 2024

Once again, birds for the win.

Ending the year on a positive note

I deliberately went in search of natural inspiration and rejuvenation this afternoon as I wanted to end the year on a positive note. And during that time watching and listening to the birds and other wildlife around my home, the grief and anxiety fell away. I was at peace. Here’s a sampling of what I witnessed:

Scrub Jay

American Robin

White-crowned Sparrow (immature)

House Finch

Disgruntled Bunny (and yes, that’s a great name for a band!)

Dark-eyed Junco (and no, that’s not their mess)

House Finch

Goldfinch

Squirrel!

And lastly, Emma Jean-Jean, keeping an eye on things as I photographed yard visitors

I also saw Northern Flickers, a woodpecker, a Red-breasted Nuthatch, Black-capped Chickadee, Mourning Doves, and magpies. It was a bird buffet!

But that’s not all I did to soothe my soul. I also hoop-danced for 10 minutes today which brought my hoop-dancing total for the year to exactly 28 hours! In 2021, I hooped for 24 hours and in 2022 I hooped for just over 27 hours. So, this year is my new record. Woot woot!

Happy New Year to all! May the coming year bring more justice and peace around the globe.

Nature’s refuge

I’m in the final stretch of revisions before sending the middle-grade manuscript back to my agent so the book can go on submission in the new year. The work feels both like a blessing and a curse. I’m grateful to be able to focus on something besides the horrific reality of our government’s complicity in the genocide in Gaza, but also sometimes feel selfish for escaping reality. Deep inside, I know that’s silly, and not only because the story I’m revising focuses on righting societal wrongs.

I also realize it’s silly to begrudge myself my creative outlet because we all need a refuge, whether it’s via the art we create or connection to the natural world.

July 20, 2023

In that spirit, I’m offering this Painted Lady on a sunflower. I photographed this in July and gazing upon their interconnectedness replenished my spirit as soon as I found it in my files. Maybe this image will do the same for you.

Forest tableau

From the moment I woke this morning, a heavy fog has hung in the air. We never saw the sun, not even a glimpse. The entire day has been cold, damp, gray. Utterly dreary. So I went in search of an image to remind myself it’s not always a monochromatic world.

Here’s a still life from our hike in Pike National Forest. I remember being charmed by the bursts of color that day and today the vibrant foliage warms my heart even more.

October 3, 2023

And to quote Raveena Tandon: Anywhere which is in a forest, that’s my zen place.

Please remain in the struggle

I’m writing this post for myself as much as anyone else. These are incredibly dark days on the planet and on some mornings, the grief of all we’re facing weighs so heavily it’s hard to get out of bed. But once I’m up, I always feel, if not better, then at least a shift in my emotions. And despite the fact that Biden and my three so-called representatives in the federal government refuse to heed our call for a permanent ceasefire in Gaza and, instead, continue to unconditionally support sending more money and bombs to Israel, I do feel a tiny bit better after calling their offices to voice my horror at the blood on their hands because my call equals me adding my voice to the chorus. How much worse would I feel if I remained silent and complicit as my tax dollars enable genocide and the displacement of millions?

So, from where I sit, it’s well worth it to make phone calls. Even better? Attending a rally in which I always, always learn something from the speakers (and always, always weep, which is also cathartic). Zippy and I did this yesterday. It was cold and the wind was biting, but we bundled up to join a whole lot of folks at the capitol for a rally before marching to the convention center in protest of the Jewish National Fund Conference. Here’s a good article explaining JNF and the protest.

It feels good to stand in solidarity with others. It feels good to remember there are MANY people working so very hard on behalf of the Palestinians. It feels good to be in company with people who recognize the connection between struggles, here and around the world. It feels good to share space with people who acknowledge the heartbreak of other ongoing genocides in Congo, Sudan, India, Armenia. All of that feels good, even in the biting cold.

Basically, it feels better to take action on behalf of the oppressed than to remain in bed, curled up in the fetal position. Again, I’m writing this reminder as much for myself as anyone else. And in case your energies and attention are flagging, PLEASE remain in the struggle. Please keep calling and sending emails. Go to ceasefiretoday.com for ALL help in taking action, whether it’s making calls and writing emails, learning how to arrange a visit to your rep’s office, or finding a rally or action where you live.

The powerful elites are counting on us getting tired, distracted, or overcome by despair. (But as Mariame Kaba says: “Let this radicalize you rather than lead you to despair.”) They want us to look away from the ugly truth. PLEASE do not avert your gaze. If you haven’t yet taken action on behalf of the Palestinian people, please know it’s never too late to add your voice to the chorus. Hello and welcome to the struggle!

Okay, this is me publicly vowing to remain in  the struggle. I hope you’ll do the same. Solidarity! ✊🏽