Revisiting High School and a Friendship

/ Tracy Abell

Last night I finished reading TIPS ON HAVING A GAY (EX) BOYFRIEND by

[info]carriejones

.  Throughout the book, I thought of S. who was my best friend and then in seventh grade, briefly my boyfriend.  We broke up a few days later when we realized “going together” had flipped some sort of switch so that we no longer talked and had fun.  We remained best friends throughout high school. 

In the ten years after graduation, S. and I were in and out of touch.  He once sent me a letter written on toilet paper, another scrawled on the back of an old history quiz.  At one point I tracked him down and we had a marathon phone conversation.  He told me he was gay.  I said something like “Really?”  He said something like “You must’ve known.”

Did I? 

Like Carrie’s character, Belle, maybe I did and maybe I didn’t. 

All I knew was S. was loyal and funny, charismatic, sarcastic.  Smart.  He was my friend and that was all that mattered.

Dylan’s sexuality, however, is much more an issue for Belle.  She and Dylan are in love, they’re physically intimate, and plan on getting married someday.

As I read Carrie’s book and took the journey with Belle in the week after she learns Dylan’s truth, I suffered alongside her as she faces one new painful reality after another.  I wondered how Belle would survive.  How Dylan would survive.  How anyone survives high school which is an excruciating experience for most everyone, no matter who they are. 

We’ve all had Mimis and Eddies in our lives.  People driven by fear and ignorance, anger and frustration.  Carrie’s words put me back in the high school hallways filled with those whispers and rumors, intimidation, ostracism, and peer pressure.  S. and I grew up in a small community, much smaller than Carrie’s Eastbrook, and TIPS ON HAVING A GAY (EX) BOYFRIEND helped me understand even more than I already did how very difficult it was for S. in that setting, and why (maybe) it was too scary for him to tell me then about his sexuality.

Thank you, Carrie Jones, for writing this story.  I lost S. fourteen years ago to AIDS just four months after he performed my wedding ceremony, but your words have given me another window into his life via Dylan and Belle’s story.

Dylan is Belle’s friend, always was and always will be.  And that’s all that matters.

  

36 thoughts on “Revisiting High School and a Friendship”

    • I didn’t mean to make you cry, Carrie. I want you to know that even though I already think of S. most every day, your book has given me more to think about in terms of our friendship and his high school experience.
      You wrote an important book. Thank you.

      Like

  9. I think it’s so interesting how books for children/ ya can bring out such strong memories of our childhood when we read them as adults. I had this with The Liberation of Gabriel King and also with Tyrell. The issues are so real it brings it all back. Sign of some excellent writing, I’d say. Hooray for Carrie! Glad it brought up some good memories for you even with a little sadness thrown in. Those best friends from years ago are hard to live without.

    Like

    • You’re absolutely right, Linda. Carrie got me thinking and remembering in ways I hadn’t done for a while. And best friends are hard to live without but I’ll take that over never having them to begin with. Bet you’d agree, right?

      Like

  10. I think it’s so interesting how books for children/ ya can bring out such strong memories of our childhood when we read them as adults. I had this with The Liberation of Gabriel King and also with Tyrell. The issues are so real it brings it all back. Sign of some excellent writing, I’d say. Hooray for Carrie! Glad it brought up some good memories for you even with a little sadness thrown in. Those best friends from years ago are hard to live without.

    Like

  11. I didn’t mean to make you cry, Carrie. I want you to know that even though I already think of S. most every day, your book has given me more to think about in terms of our friendship and his high school experience.
    You wrote an important book. Thank you.

    Like

  12. I didn’t mean to make you cry, Carrie. I want you to know that even though I already think of S. most every day, your book has given me more to think about in terms of our friendship and his high school experience.

    You wrote an important book. Thank you.

    Like

  16. You’re absolutely right, Linda. Carrie got me thinking and remembering in ways I hadn’t done for a while. And best friends are hard to live without but I’ll take that over never having them to begin with. Bet you’d agree, right?

    Like

  19. I agree with Linda about how children’s books – YA and MG – can really bring back such powerful memories of childhood.
    How wonderful you were able to reconnect with S before he passed away. There are so many ways to lose important friends; you’re lucky you found him again.

    Like

    • YA and MG books are so important (ahem, Sheela, who’s been questioning whether she should write those books) because they bring back powerful memories for adults and, even more importantly, let the younger reader know there are others out there struggling for answers and their places in the world, just like them.
      Thank you for your kind thoughts about S.

      Like

  20. I agree with Linda about how children’s books – YA and MG – can really bring back such powerful memories of childhood.
    How wonderful you were able to reconnect with S before he passed away. There are so many ways to lose important friends; you’re lucky you found him again.

    Like

  21. I agree with Linda about how children’s books – YA and MG – can really bring back such powerful memories of childhood.

    How wonderful you were able to reconnect with S before he passed away. There are so many ways to lose important friends; you’re lucky you found him again.

    Like

  23. YA and MG books are so important (ahem, Sheela, who’s been questioning whether she should write those books) because they bring back powerful memories for adults and, even more importantly, let the younger reader know there are others out there struggling for answers and their places in the world, just like them.
    Thank you for your kind thoughts about S.

    Like

  24. YA and MG books are so important (ahem, Sheela, who’s been questioning whether she should write those books) because they bring back powerful memories for adults and, even more importantly, let the younger reader know there are others out there struggling for answers and their places in the world, just like them.

    Thank you for your kind thoughts about S.

    Like

  25. Here I am, zipping through LJ, trying to catch up, and I come across this lyrical, touching post that makes me stop.
    And makes me cry a little.
    I haven’t read Carrie’s book yet, but am really looking forward to it.
    I don’t think of this as something kidlit offers though– this is one reason i read *any* lit.

    Like

  26. Here I am, zipping through LJ, trying to catch up, and I come across this lyrical, touching post that makes me stop.
    And makes me cry a little.
    I haven’t read Carrie’s book yet, but am really looking forward to it.
    I don’t think of this as something kidlit offers though– this is one reason i read *any* lit.

    Like

  27. Here I am, zipping through LJ, trying to catch up, and I come across this lyrical, touching post that makes me stop.

    And makes me cry a little.

    I haven’t read Carrie’s book yet, but am really looking forward to it.

    I don’t think of this as something kidlit offers though– this is one reason i read *any* lit.

    Like

Comments are closed.