Sunday Confessional: sometimes I want to head for shore

It’s Day Eleven of NaNoWriMo and while I’ve managed to achieve my word count each day (a minimum of 1700 words), I’m still susceptible to panic and overwhelm. For example, yesterday as I drove home from my solo writing retreat in Estes Park I wasn’t congratulating myself on the progress I’d made. Instead, I worried that I hadn’t yet found my narrator’s true voice. Then I switched to agonizing over my “too many plot lines” I’d never be able to connect, followed by the certainty that my first draft was such an irredeemable mess it would take years to revise the manuscript into anything coherent.

I felt like a poser. I wanted to run away from the whole thing.

Those feelings mirror what it’s like when I stand in the ocean and watch a huge wave come my way. I experience a slew of emotions. Panic. Exhilaration. Awe. Fear.  An urge to run for shore.

While I frequently do run from big waves, I don’t like to run from my writing commitments. So this morning when I woke with those same angsty feelings, I looked for some online support and wisdom to help me reel in negative thoughts about my first draft. I found this:  7 Things NOT to Worry About During Your First Draft

All my worries are addressed in that article which makes me think I’m not the first writer in history to freak out about her shitty first draft. Newsflash, huh?

Today I continue working on my NaNo project. And as the words add up I have those same big-wave feelings I experience when I choose to dive into the wave and then come out the other side. Exhilaration. Pride. Awe.

The desire to do it again.

2 thoughts on “Sunday Confessional: sometimes I want to head for shore

  1. Sending a big hug, Tracy, and an extra surfboard to keep you going! I’ve never done NaNo itself, but when I’ve committed to doing a fast draft, I always hit points where it feels like I’m drowning and should just back out now. Some things that help me: remembering that the whole project is just an experiment, that it will only last for a few weeks, and that later on I can revise as much as I want to. I also tell myself that a first draft doesn’t need to be good; it just needs to exist. Wishing you lots of luck!

    Liked by 1 person

    • Thank you, Amy, for sending support across the pond! I’m trying hard to remember that revision is in my future! Can’t revise without a first draft, right? Right!

      Sending you support on your creative endeavors, also….

      Like

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