Thankful Thursday: trailrunning

/ Tracy Abell

Just over three weeks ago, I took a pretty hard fall while running on the trails in the open space. I’ll spare you the image of my left knee that I texted to my sons after limping home (an image that prompted Wildebeest to reply, “Ewwwww. Mother I am squeamish”), and will only say that the last bits of scabbing came off two days ago (to which everyone reading is probably thinking, “Ewwwww, Tracy. We’re squeamish!”) The point is, my knee is healed and while I’d already resumed running on the streets, I was very nervous about trail running again.

I got up at six this morning knowing I needed to run early in order to beat the heat, and checked in with my intuition: run on the trails or run on the streets? Trails. Okay, then. In an attempt to feel slightly more protected, I put on leggings despite temperatures already in the 60s.

Not gonna lie: it’s always scary to run on those rocky trails after a fall and today was no different. It was hard to fully relax and I had to intentionally push images of tripping and falling out of my mind. I talked myself through the run (“You are strong. You are resilient. You are mindful. Feet on the ground, feet on the ground, feet on the ground,”) and tried very hard to be in the moment. Whenever my brain jumped to catastrophe, I reminded it to “be in this moment, with these steps.” [Note: I’m sharing these details to document the experience for myself, but also in case this approach might be helpful for anyone dealing with a trauma.]

I wasn’t alone out in the open space. A large dark butterfly flew right in front of me, bringing a grin. Birds sang (lots of Spotted Towhees with their sweet sweet teeeeea) and when I paused to stretch at the top of the slog, I heard the liquid song of a Western Meadowlark.

Not a great photo but this was my very first Western Meadowlark sighting of the year at Lake Hasty on 4.3.24

While I avoided a particularly rocky segment of the trail, I knew it was imperative I run past where I’d fallen. As I got closer to the scene of the fall, all sorts of feelings and tightness showed up in my body, and I paused to allow myself to feel all of that. As I had immediately after the initial fall, I visualized my left foot hitting the rock in the trail and then rewrote the story in my mind. Instead of slamming into the hard ground, I slid into what was essentially a slip-n-slide of banana pudding (yep, that’s what my brain came up with that day). Both initially and today, I allowed my body to feel that frictionless sensation and then visualized myself laughing as I wiped pudding from my face and hands, and licked it from my fingers. I went through that exercise several times. It’s a somatic experiencing trick I learned from my therapist, and I highly recommend this for releasing trauma from your system. It works. As I walked home from the initial fall, my knee hurt but my body was already more relaxed. And over the next week, whenever the image of falling popped into my head, I reverted to my banana pudding rewrite. Pretty soon, I stopped having “flashbacks.”

Today I’m very grateful that I was able to run on my beloved trails again. I’m grateful I remained upright and I’m grateful for the tools I have to help me recover. I know from past experience that today’s run didn’t fully liberate me from my trauma and that I’ll be tentative for a bit, but facing my fear will go a long way toward getting me back to where I want to be. And where I want to be is out running on the trails. 🙂

22 thoughts on “Thankful Thursday: trailrunning”

  1. Falls are so scary, sending shockwaves through our entire system. So happy to hear you’ve recovered and were able to do what you love again. That butterfly was there to help you conquer your fears of ‘flying’ again. 🦋

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    • Yes, falls do send shockwaves! Thank you for your kind words about my recovery. Also? What you wrote about the butterfly interaction was so beautiful and felt so true. I’m always thanking the birds, flowers, butterflies, etc for their presence as I run along. They are gifts and balm for my soul.

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  5. As I’m always telling my mom (who is a bit on the wobbly side), stay upright! The banana pudding slip and slid sounds amazing. You are so lucky to have and hear meadowlarks. I have yet to hear one.

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    • Aw, thank you much, Amy. That resiliency is at least partially due to needing to run for my mental health. It’s much harder for me to cope with our reality without that dose of happiness.

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  7. Good for you. It is sooo important to keep finding positive thoughts in today’s world. Getting outside and exercising helps me, too. 🙂

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  9. Respect to trailrunners.

    I mostly run on roads but I do recall being stranded on the trail, with miles to go to hobble home, although decades ago.

    Recovery and rehab is a long long road – glad you are able to return to the places you love again.

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    • Thank you so very much for stopping by and reading. I must admit that I haven’t done any trailrunning since that initial run. Heat and air quality have not cooperated and I fear that this time away has reinforced some of those fears again. However, I will be out there soon (I hope). I, too, run lots on the roads and while it’s less scenic, I don’t worry about falling! 🙂

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