Personal Yet Universal

In August of 2004, my health crashed.  Diagnosis was first Lyme disease then chronic fatigue.  I went from an incredibly strong person who ran, lifted weights, hiked, swam, etc. to a woman with no energy who spent the day in pajamas, napping three or four times each day.  Friends drove my children to and from school.  My husband did EVERYTHING around the house.  I had difficulty concentrating, could not multi-task, and overall was mentally fatigued.    

I eventually regained some strength but experienced a near-constant buzzing/humming sensation throughout my body, and pain in my hands and legs.  I still could not think clearly and was easily overwhelmed.  I became depressed.

 

In the summer of 2006, I happened upon an article about post traumatic stress disorder and chronic fatigue.   The article mentioned a book called WAKING THE TIGER by Peter Levine.  I read the book and realized I was suffering post traumatic stress!  But how could that be?  I hadn’t been assaulted, hadn’t experienced a natural disaster or lived in a war zone.  Well, I learned trauma can accumulate in our systems.  The time I’d been rear-ended, the various dental procedures, the C-section, all those experiences left residual energy in my system (I think of it as by-products of the adrenaline my body put out during those fight/flight moments), and my body reached the tipping point.  Hence, the buzzing/humming sensation.

In October I began weekly somatic experiencing therapy in which I learned to discharge that unwanted energy from my system.  It’s an amazing process and I’m thrilled to say I’ve regained much of my strength and vitality.  I’m not 100 percent yet but I’m running again, I can multi-task, and I’m not so easily overwhelmed.  Also, the process helped me understand the ways I disassociated in order to survive.

So why am I writing about this now?  Yesterday’s news out of Virginia Tech brought back many of those old “symptoms.”  My legs buzzed, my hands ached, I couldn’t think clearly, and I cried.  And cried.

And then I thought about these two news briefs from yesterday:

BLACKSBURG – A gunman massacred 32 people at Virginia Tech … The bloodbath ended with the gunman committing suicide, bringing the death toll to 33.

BAGHDAD – In the northern city of Mosul, a university dean, a professor, a policeman’s son and 13 soldiers died in attacks … Nationwide, at least 51 people were killed or found dead.

And I cried even more.

Because I realized I’m still living the post traumatic stress profile in regards to Iraq.  Even though every morning I maintain this sign, I’ve disassociated from that tragedy.  The civilian death toll is so high I can’t even visualize those numbers (I realize the “official” number is much lower than the actual death toll).  I can’t imagine what it’s like waking each morning with the knowledge there’s a very high probability someone you know will lose someone they know that day. 

The Virginia Tech tragedy plays out each and every day in Iraq.  Not the same circumstances but the same cycle of horrific violence and heartbroken families.  Yet I don’t cry about Iraq on a daily basis.  I won’t allow my mind to dwell on the terrifying reality of night raids, rapes, executions, explosions, starvation, and disease.  I’ve forced those thoughts from my mind in order to survive.   

And that scares me.  Because when we become numb to the lives of other beings (human and otherwise) on this planet, atrocities occur and our collective health is damaged.

I don’t want to “disassociate” the fact that we all love our children.  That we all want a safe, happy, and healthy future for those children.  And that every parent grieves the same way.

Today I grieve for everyone on the planet.

 

 

 

66 thoughts on “Personal Yet Universal

  1. Tracy, you’re clearly a very strong person! I’m happy to hear that you’re coming back from this.
    It’s a hard balance, I think, to open ourselves to the pain around the world. Like you said, it’s always there, always horrific. We had a good family friend (my dad’s oldest friend — they’d known each other since elementary school) who wept constantly for the pains of the world. It became such a part of him that he could barely function — and finally he killed himself because he couldn’t stand it anymore.
    Perhaps that’s the question of humanity: how do we keep our compassion, our empathy, our hope for things to improve — and also keep our sanity and sense of joy?

    Like

    • Life is a balance, as you so eloquently stated, between compassion/empathy/hope and sanity/joy. I know I can’t take on every bit of pain in the world but I feel uncaring (and part of the problem) when I turn away from certain ugliness.
      I’m so sorry for your father’s friend and the pain he felt. I hope to achieve that balance he was unable to find.
      Thanks for your kind words, Robin.

      Like

  2. Tracy, you’re clearly a very strong person! I’m happy to hear that you’re coming back from this.
    It’s a hard balance, I think, to open ourselves to the pain around the world. Like you said, it’s always there, always horrific. We had a good family friend (my dad’s oldest friend — they’d known each other since elementary school) who wept constantly for the pains of the world. It became such a part of him that he could barely function — and finally he killed himself because he couldn’t stand it anymore.
    Perhaps that’s the question of humanity: how do we keep our compassion, our empathy, our hope for things to improve — and also keep our sanity and sense of joy?

    Like

  3. Tracy, you’re clearly a very strong person! I’m happy to hear that you’re coming back from this.

    It’s a hard balance, I think, to open ourselves to the pain around the world. Like you said, it’s always there, always horrific. We had a good family friend (my dad’s oldest friend — they’d known each other since elementary school) who wept constantly for the pains of the world. It became such a part of him that he could barely function — and finally he killed himself because he couldn’t stand it anymore.

    Perhaps that’s the question of humanity: how do we keep our compassion, our empathy, our hope for things to improve — and also keep our sanity and sense of joy?

    Like

  4. Life is a balance, as you so eloquently stated, between compassion/empathy/hope and sanity/joy. I know I can’t take on every bit of pain in the world but I feel uncaring (and part of the problem) when I turn away from certain ugliness.
    I’m so sorry for your father’s friend and the pain he felt. I hope to achieve that balance he was unable to find.
    Thanks for your kind words, Robin.

    Like

  5. Life is a balance, as you so eloquently stated, between compassion/empathy/hope and sanity/joy. I know I can’t take on every bit of pain in the world but I feel uncaring (and part of the problem) when I turn away from certain ugliness.

    I’m so sorry for your father’s friend and the pain he felt. I hope to achieve that balance he was unable to find.

    Thanks for your kind words, Robin.

    Like

  6. Tracy,
    Just don’t ever give up your own personal fight–the fight for YOUR health and happiness, despite how awful the world can be.
    Look close to home. There are good things happening. And that’s what we all need to hold onto in times like these. It’s not like we’re ignoring the rest, but if we skip over the wonderful things and concentrate on the bad, we’re just add fuel to the fire.
    Hope you get back on track soon.
    Thinking about you,
    Nan

    Like

  7. Tracy,
    Just don’t ever give up your own personal fight–the fight for YOUR health and happiness, despite how awful the world can be.
    Look close to home. There are good things happening. And that’s what we all need to hold onto in times like these. It’s not like we’re ignoring the rest, but if we skip over the wonderful things and concentrate on the bad, we’re just add fuel to the fire.
    Hope you get back on track soon.
    Thinking about you,
    Nan

    Like

  8. Tracy,
    Just don’t ever give up your own personal fight–the fight for YOUR health and happiness, despite how awful the world can be.
    Look close to home. There are good things happening. And that’s what we all need to hold onto in times like these. It’s not like we’re ignoring the rest, but if we skip over the wonderful things and concentrate on the bad, we’re just add fuel to the fire.
    Hope you get back on track soon.
    Thinking about you,
    Nan

    Like

  9. I’m sorry all the badness is effecting you so deeply. I wouldn’t argue to just look at the bright side. I don’t think that would work. But I would urge you to look at all you can do in your own life. Becoming incapacitated with grief doesn’t help anybody in those distant lands. But I’ve read your posts and I know how much you contribute to society. You volunteer, you are politically active, you make a difference. This is important. This effects honest to goodness change. It improves the world. It really does. Keep up your good work. It’s important in so many ways. And feel better too.

    Like

    • Thanks so much, Linda, for your kind words. They brought tears to my eyes. I’m going to keep trying to make a difference in my little corner of the world because that’s all I know how to do.
      And your comments just made it easier for me to continue. Thank you.

      Like

  10. I’m sorry all the badness is effecting you so deeply. I wouldn’t argue to just look at the bright side. I don’t think that would work. But I would urge you to look at all you can do in your own life. Becoming incapacitated with grief doesn’t help anybody in those distant lands. But I’ve read your posts and I know how much you contribute to society. You volunteer, you are politically active, you make a difference. This is important. This effects honest to goodness change. It improves the world. It really does. Keep up your good work. It’s important in so many ways. And feel better too.

    Like

  11. Thanks, Nan, for the reminder that my health comes first. If I don’t have my health, I’m not much good to me or anyone else.
    Every time I see your beautiful avatar, I try to take a deep breath and release some of the stress.

    Like

  12. Thanks, Nan, for the reminder that my health comes first. If I don’t have my health, I’m not much good to me or anyone else.

    Every time I see your beautiful avatar, I try to take a deep breath and release some of the stress.

    Like

  13. Thanks so much, Linda, for your kind words. They brought tears to my eyes. I’m going to keep trying to make a difference in my little corner of the world because that’s all I know how to do.
    And your comments just made it easier for me to continue. Thank you.

    Like

  14. Thanks so much, Linda, for your kind words. They brought tears to my eyes. I’m going to keep trying to make a difference in my little corner of the world because that’s all I know how to do.

    And your comments just made it easier for me to continue. Thank you.

    Like

  15. Tracy,
    I haven’t watched any TV coverage of yesterday’s tragedy. Just reading the stories on CNN make me feel disturbed. In fact, I don’t think I will read any more of those. I think watching other’s pain, over and over and over, can cause PTSD, and accompanying physical symptoms. After Sept. 11, I cried and cried and finally had to pull it together b/c I was pregnant and something told me if I didn’t shape up it wouldn’t be good for baby.
    Anyway, hugs to you.

    Like

    • I haven’t watched any television coverage or read much, either. It was enough getting the basic details. Good for you on pulling yourself together after Sept 11. I absolutely agree viewing that stuff causes physical and emotional problems, and avoid as much as possible.
      Thank you for sharing your story with me, Lizzy, and thank you for the hugs.

      Like

  16. Tracy,
    I haven’t watched any TV coverage of yesterday’s tragedy. Just reading the stories on CNN make me feel disturbed. In fact, I don’t think I will read any more of those. I think watching other’s pain, over and over and over, can cause PTSD, and accompanying physical symptoms. After Sept. 11, I cried and cried and finally had to pull it together b/c I was pregnant and something told me if I didn’t shape up it wouldn’t be good for baby.
    Anyway, hugs to you.

    Like

  17. I think in many ways, we are privileged living in a place that is itself dissociated with violence, famine, and disease. Maybe living away from such things buffers us from the brutality of facing it on continual basis.
    But I also think we are entitled to find happiness where we can and to feel deserving of it. Maybe you can find a way to channel your dismay over the things you can’t control into an acceptance and appreciation for the things that are abundant in your life. (It’s an easy thing to preach and a hard thing to follow). You have a very generous and sensitive soul. Take loving care of it. 🙂 Hugs.

    Like

    • I agree we’re privileged to live here and sometimes get so disgusted with people who behave as if it was their inherent “betterness” that landed them here rather than a cosmic crap shoot. I also agree with your thoughts on happiness and know it’s a life lesson for me to appreciate and nurture what I have while fighting to secure that for others, too.
      Thank you, Sheela.
      P.S. In the spirit of finding happiness where I can, I had Zippy watch your vlog last night and even though I was in the other room, I could still see and hear it, and was laughing my head off. So thanks again for that!

      Like

  18. I think in many ways, we are privileged living in a place that is itself dissociated with violence, famine, and disease. Maybe living away from such things buffers us from the brutality of facing it on continual basis.
    But I also think we are entitled to find happiness where we can and to feel deserving of it. Maybe you can find a way to channel your dismay over the things you can’t control into an acceptance and appreciation for the things that are abundant in your life. (It’s an easy thing to preach and a hard thing to follow). You have a very generous and sensitive soul. Take loving care of it. 🙂 Hugs.

    Like

  19. I think in many ways, we are privileged living in a place that is itself dissociated with violence, famine, and disease. Maybe living away from such things buffers us from the brutality of facing it on continual basis.

    But I also think we are entitled to find happiness where we can and to feel deserving of it. Maybe you can find a way to channel your dismay over the things you can’t control into an acceptance and appreciation for the things that are abundant in your life. (It’s an easy thing to preach and a hard thing to follow). You have a very generous and sensitive soul. Take loving care of it. 🙂 Hugs.

    Like

  20. Hey Tracy – just wanted to let you know, I so often feel the same way. Depressed and upset by things I can’t do anything about, but somehow feel responsible for, and just plain upset at the state of the world. In order to function, I try scheduling my upsetness. This doesn’t always work, but sometimes it does. I plan to be upset for 15 minutes every night, and then I plan something for right after that will take a lot of concentration but not too much, like a nice book to read. During the day, when I start to get upset, I tell myself: no, you have to wait but at 8:30 (or whenever) and then you can be as upset as you like.
    Do I sound crazy? Callous? But as other people have pointed out (much more nicely) we have to be able to function to make things better for anyone, including ourselves. And I think that letting myself be upset and grieve for some time keeps me from feeling it in my bones, the way you describe. (And believe me, I have been there too.)
    I agree with all the comments about your generous soul, and giving yourself credit for all the things you already contribute. But in terms of purely practical advice, this might help too.

    Like

    • I like this idea, Paula. I’ve done this with writing-related feelings (rant and rave for an afternoon and then get back to it). I’m going to try this approach and see if it affords some relief.
      You’re absolutely right about taking care of ourselves so that we can function and contribute to society. I’m glad you’ve found a balance in your life.
      Thanks so much for sharing with me.

      Like

  21. Hey Tracy – just wanted to let you know, I so often feel the same way. Depressed and upset by things I can’t do anything about, but somehow feel responsible for, and just plain upset at the state of the world. In order to function, I try scheduling my upsetness. This doesn’t always work, but sometimes it does. I plan to be upset for 15 minutes every night, and then I plan something for right after that will take a lot of concentration but not too much, like a nice book to read. During the day, when I start to get upset, I tell myself: no, you have to wait but at 8:30 (or whenever) and then you can be as upset as you like.
    Do I sound crazy? Callous? But as other people have pointed out (much more nicely) we have to be able to function to make things better for anyone, including ourselves. And I think that letting myself be upset and grieve for some time keeps me from feeling it in my bones, the way you describe. (And believe me, I have been there too.)
    I agree with all the comments about your generous soul, and giving yourself credit for all the things you already contribute. But in terms of purely practical advice, this might help too.

    Like

  22. Hey Tracy – just wanted to let you know, I so often feel the same way. Depressed and upset by things I can’t do anything about, but somehow feel responsible for, and just plain upset at the state of the world. In order to function, I try scheduling my upsetness. This doesn’t always work, but sometimes it does. I plan to be upset for 15 minutes every night, and then I plan something for right after that will take a lot of concentration but not too much, like a nice book to read. During the day, when I start to get upset, I tell myself: no, you have to wait but at 8:30 (or whenever) and then you can be as upset as you like.

    Do I sound crazy? Callous? But as other people have pointed out (much more nicely) we have to be able to function to make things better for anyone, including ourselves. And I think that letting myself be upset and grieve for some time keeps me from feeling it in my bones, the way you describe. (And believe me, I have been there too.)

    I agree with all the comments about your generous soul, and giving yourself credit for all the things you already contribute. But in terms of purely practical advice, this might help too.

    Like

  23. Oh, Tracy, (((HUGS)))!!!!
    Thank you for revealing your sad, powerful, and inspiring story. I’ve always felt an undercurrent of connectivity with you, and now I know why. While our stories aren’t the same, at the core, we’re both the same kind of people. I trust you understand what I mean.
    Thanks for all you do to tend to your LJ friendships, while also taking care of yourself and your personal relationships. You are the change we want to see in the world.
    PS That sign is awesome!

    Like

    • I feel that connection, too, Melodye. Absolutely.
      Thank you so much for being a friend here on LJ. It’s funny you mentioned me tending to my LJ friendships because I’m doing a bit better with them than my in-person friendships. I’ve withdrawn over the past couple years because “socializing” can really wear me out so I’ve put up some walls to protect myself while I heal. And even though I vowed to reconnect with people this year, I still haven’t been able to do it yet. But that all makes my LJ friendships even more important to me. So thank you again for being an important person in my life. Your light and spirit inspire me.
      And keep on posting those flower photos. I LOVE them!

      Like

  24. Oh, Tracy, (((HUGS)))!!!!
    Thank you for revealing your sad, powerful, and inspiring story. I’ve always felt an undercurrent of connectivity with you, and now I know why. While our stories aren’t the same, at the core, we’re both the same kind of people. I trust you understand what I mean.
    Thanks for all you do to tend to your LJ friendships, while also taking care of yourself and your personal relationships. You are the change we want to see in the world.
    PS That sign is awesome!

    Like

  25. Oh, Tracy, (((HUGS)))!!!!

    Thank you for revealing your sad, powerful, and inspiring story. I’ve always felt an undercurrent of connectivity with you, and now I know why. While our stories aren’t the same, at the core, we’re both the same kind of people. I trust you understand what I mean.

    Thanks for all you do to tend to your LJ friendships, while also taking care of yourself and your personal relationships. You are the change we want to see in the world.

    PS That sign is awesome!

    Like

  26. I haven’t watched any television coverage or read much, either. It was enough getting the basic details. Good for you on pulling yourself together after Sept 11. I absolutely agree viewing that stuff causes physical and emotional problems, and avoid as much as possible.
    Thank you for sharing your story with me, Lizzy, and thank you for the hugs.

    Like

  27. I haven’t watched any television coverage or read much, either. It was enough getting the basic details. Good for you on pulling yourself together after Sept 11. I absolutely agree viewing that stuff causes physical and emotional problems, and avoid as much as possible.

    Thank you for sharing your story with me, Lizzy, and thank you for the hugs.

    Like

  28. I agree we’re privileged to live here and sometimes get so disgusted with people who behave as if it was their inherent “betterness” that landed them here rather than a cosmic crap shoot. I also agree with your thoughts on happiness and know it’s a life lesson for me to appreciate and nurture what I have while fighting to secure that for others, too.
    Thank you, Sheela.
    P.S. In the spirit of finding happiness where I can, I had Zippy watch your vlog last night and even though I was in the other room, I could still see and hear it, and was laughing my head off. So thanks again for that!

    Like

  29. I agree we’re privileged to live here and sometimes get so disgusted with people who behave as if it was their inherent “betterness” that landed them here rather than a cosmic crap shoot. I also agree with your thoughts on happiness and know it’s a life lesson for me to appreciate and nurture what I have while fighting to secure that for others, too.

    Thank you, Sheela.

    P.S. In the spirit of finding happiness where I can, I had Zippy watch your vlog last night and even though I was in the other room, I could still see and hear it, and was laughing my head off. So thanks again for that!

    Like

  30. I like this idea, Paula. I’ve done this with writing-related feelings (rant and rave for an afternoon and then get back to it). I’m going to try this approach and see if it affords some relief.
    You’re absolutely right about taking care of ourselves so that we can function and contribute to society. I’m glad you’ve found a balance in your life.
    Thanks so much for sharing with me.

    Like

  31. I like this idea, Paula. I’ve done this with writing-related feelings (rant and rave for an afternoon and then get back to it). I’m going to try this approach and see if it affords some relief.

    You’re absolutely right about taking care of ourselves so that we can function and contribute to society. I’m glad you’ve found a balance in your life.

    Thanks so much for sharing with me.

    Like

  32. I feel that connection, too, Melodye. Absolutely.
    Thank you so much for being a friend here on LJ. It’s funny you mentioned me tending to my LJ friendships because I’m doing a bit better with them than my in-person friendships. I’ve withdrawn over the past couple years because “socializing” can really wear me out so I’ve put up some walls to protect myself while I heal. And even though I vowed to reconnect with people this year, I still haven’t been able to do it yet. But that all makes my LJ friendships even more important to me. So thank you again for being an important person in my life. Your light and spirit inspire me.
    And keep on posting those flower photos. I LOVE them!

    Like

  33. I feel that connection, too, Melodye. Absolutely.

    Thank you so much for being a friend here on LJ. It’s funny you mentioned me tending to my LJ friendships because I’m doing a bit better with them than my in-person friendships. I’ve withdrawn over the past couple years because “socializing” can really wear me out so I’ve put up some walls to protect myself while I heal. And even though I vowed to reconnect with people this year, I still haven’t been able to do it yet. But that all makes my LJ friendships even more important to me. So thank you again for being an important person in my life. Your light and spirit inspire me.

    And keep on posting those flower photos. I LOVE them!

    Like

  34. Sorry, I’m late to this discussion. I suffer from post traumatic stress disorder, too. I’m going to get into therapy soon. Maybe I should look into the treatment you described.
    I felt so disturbed about the Virginia tech thing, too. As a matter of fact, yesterday, I was bring my kids back home from school and I started thinking about the violence of it all and I had to pull over and be sick. I’ve never done that before!
    I had a little bit of inspiration after that. I prayed and asked for safty and peace. My answer came right away and it said in our world, it is not physical safety I need to ask for, but psychological safety. I never thought about it until that moment, but I think that is so true! I am going to have to pray more and study more and work more to find out what that all means and how to do it.
    I hope your health continues to improve! Thanks for sharing your story with us. It makes me feel hopeful about healing and feeling some relief. Thank you!

    Like

    • Sarah, somehow I missed your comment here so big apologies for being late to respond.
      I’m sorry you also suffer from post traumatic stress. I can’t say enough good things about the help I’m getting. It’s made a world of difference although I was shaken by how quickly I fell back into that mode when stuff got violent and scary again last week. On the other hand, I’ve bounced back sooner than I would have before the therapy.
      Darn, I just checked and there isn’t a practitioner in Utah. Oh, that makes me sad. However, I recommend WAKING THE TIGER by Peter Levine. I read that before starting the therapy and that made a difference in my thinking and also got me started in getting reconnected to myself (as opposed to disassociation).
      I think you’re very right in also thinking in terms of psychological safety. So much of how we think about situations affects our physical and emotional well-being. It makes me sad knowing you had to throw up just thinking about the violence but I also absolutely understand. It’s very hard.
      Thanks for letting me know what’s going on with you. Please let me know if I can help you in any way. I want you to heal, too.

      Like

      • Thanks, Tracy! I’ve already gotten a lot better over the past few months, but the Virginia Tech thing made me realize I have further to go. I’m going to be fine, though. When I think how far I’ve come in the past couple of years, I am amazed. I hope I will have the same feeling when I look back a few years from now. Thanks for your kind words! I hope you continue to heal and get back to being Tracy again.

        Like

  35. Sorry, I’m late to this discussion. I suffer from post traumatic stress disorder, too. I’m going to get into therapy soon. Maybe I should look into the treatment you described.
    I felt so disturbed about the Virginia tech thing, too. As a matter of fact, yesterday, I was bring my kids back home from school and I started thinking about the violence of it all and I had to pull over and be sick. I’ve never done that before!
    I had a little bit of inspiration after that. I prayed and asked for safty and peace. My answer came right away and it said in our world, it is not physical safety I need to ask for, but psychological safety. I never thought about it until that moment, but I think that is so true! I am going to have to pray more and study more and work more to find out what that all means and how to do it.
    I hope your health continues to improve! Thanks for sharing your story with us. It makes me feel hopeful about healing and feeling some relief. Thank you!

    Like

  36. Sorry, I’m late to this discussion. I suffer from post traumatic stress disorder, too. I’m going to get into therapy soon. Maybe I should look into the treatment you described.

    I felt so disturbed about the Virginia tech thing, too. As a matter of fact, yesterday, I was bring my kids back home from school and I started thinking about the violence of it all and I had to pull over and be sick. I’ve never done that before!

    I had a little bit of inspiration after that. I prayed and asked for safty and peace. My answer came right away and it said in our world, it is not physical safety I need to ask for, but psychological safety. I never thought about it until that moment, but I think that is so true! I am going to have to pray more and study more and work more to find out what that all means and how to do it.

    I hope your health continues to improve! Thanks for sharing your story with us. It makes me feel hopeful about healing and feeling some relief. Thank you!

    Like

  37. Tracy,
    I don’t know where I was when you posted this. Other people have already posted wiser things than I…but I hear you and am frequently overwhelmed, too. It astonishes me what people have survived and still gone on to offer hope and humanity to others — Elie Wiesel, Viktor Frankl…Kurt Vonnegut, too. I don’t think we need to feel guilty about finding peace and comfort in our smaller circle of family and community, or taking heart in beauty.

    Like

    • Thank you, Laurie. Right now I’m immersing myself in natural beauty because I’ve learned it’s a powerful inner resource for me. I love getting down on my knees and watching the bugs move around in the grass or just staring at clouds.
      I’m glad you’re part of my circle of friends.

      Like

  38. Tracy,
    I don’t know where I was when you posted this. Other people have already posted wiser things than I…but I hear you and am frequently overwhelmed, too. It astonishes me what people have survived and still gone on to offer hope and humanity to others — Elie Wiesel, Viktor Frankl…Kurt Vonnegut, too. I don’t think we need to feel guilty about finding peace and comfort in our smaller circle of family and community, or taking heart in beauty.

    Like

  39. Sarah, somehow I missed your comment here so big apologies for being late to respond.
    I’m sorry you also suffer from post traumatic stress. I can’t say enough good things about the help I’m getting. It’s made a world of difference although I was shaken by how quickly I fell back into that mode when stuff got violent and scary again last week. On the other hand, I’ve bounced back sooner than I would have before the therapy.
    Darn, I just checked and there isn’t a practitioner in Utah. Oh, that makes me sad. However, I recommend WAKING THE TIGER by Peter Levine. I read that before starting the therapy and that made a difference in my thinking and also got me started in getting reconnected to myself (as opposed to disassociation).
    I think you’re very right in also thinking in terms of psychological safety. So much of how we think about situations affects our physical and emotional well-being. It makes me sad knowing you had to throw up just thinking about the violence but I also absolutely understand. It’s very hard.
    Thanks for letting me know what’s going on with you. Please let me know if I can help you in any way. I want you to heal, too.

    Like

  40. Sarah, somehow I missed your comment here so big apologies for being late to respond.

    I’m sorry you also suffer from post traumatic stress. I can’t say enough good things about the help I’m getting. It’s made a world of difference although I was shaken by how quickly I fell back into that mode when stuff got violent and scary again last week. On the other hand, I’ve bounced back sooner than I would have before the therapy.

    Darn, I just checked and there isn’t a practitioner in Utah. Oh, that makes me sad. However, I recommend WAKING THE TIGER by Peter Levine. I read that before starting the therapy and that made a difference in my thinking and also got me started in getting reconnected to myself (as opposed to disassociation).

    I think you’re very right in also thinking in terms of psychological safety. So much of how we think about situations affects our physical and emotional well-being. It makes me sad knowing you had to throw up just thinking about the violence but I also absolutely understand. It’s very hard.

    Thanks for letting me know what’s going on with you. Please let me know if I can help you in any way. I want you to heal, too.

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  41. Thank you, Laurie. Right now I’m immersing myself in natural beauty because I’ve learned it’s a powerful inner resource for me. I love getting down on my knees and watching the bugs move around in the grass or just staring at clouds.
    I’m glad you’re part of my circle of friends.

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  42. Thank you, Laurie. Right now I’m immersing myself in natural beauty because I’ve learned it’s a powerful inner resource for me. I love getting down on my knees and watching the bugs move around in the grass or just staring at clouds.

    I’m glad you’re part of my circle of friends.

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  43. Thanks, Tracy! I’ve already gotten a lot better over the past few months, but the Virginia Tech thing made me realize I have further to go. I’m going to be fine, though. When I think how far I’ve come in the past couple of years, I am amazed. I hope I will have the same feeling when I look back a few years from now. Thanks for your kind words! I hope you continue to heal and get back to being Tracy again.

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