Days Fifteen – Nineteen: JoNoWriMo+1.5

It’s been crazy around my household this past week. In spite of the various ups and downs, I kept to my word goal although I won’t vouch for the quality of anything written. This might possibly be the suckiest draft in the history of the world but I’m forging ahead. At this point I’m writing scenes out of order. I never do this. Maybe once or twice in other books I wrote one scene out of order but not the way I’m doing now which is to basically fend off that icky brain-creep paralysis by writing whatever it takes to get me to my word count. So while it might all be dreck, I’m at least establishing a habit by writing each and every day. That part does feel good.

But man oh man, this writing gig can really take it out of a person. Yesterday I realized it’s already October which means I’m nearing the end of yet another year in which I didn’t sell a book and then I think about January 1st and how I’ll soon be staring down that whole hopes and dreams and goals routine for the new year wherein I continue to flail about wondering if I’m incapable of producing anything anyone wants to read, and the whole situation makes me want to curl up in a ball and disappear.

May I just say “Shit on a stick!” and “Crap on a cracker!”? (And feel free to share any of your favorite expressions so I don’t feel too juvenile.)

Anyway, I’m posting my stats here so I can at least remember that I’m honoring my word count goal while I battle the demons in my head:

Day 15: 321 words
Day 16: 511 words
Day 17: 516 words
Day 18: 440 words
Day 19: 739 words

Zokutou word meterZokutou word meter
20,733 / 38,000
(54.6%)

34 thoughts on “Days Fifteen – Nineteen: JoNoWriMo+1.5

  1. This really echoes how I’m feeling today, as well. When I see person after person share their book sales on Verla’s, I think, “Man, I’m just so far from that.” I feel like I’m not even in the same league…sigh. I like ‘shit on a stick’…yeah, that’s a good one πŸ˜‰
    Congrats on keeping to your word goal, though — that’s good, regardless of quality right now πŸ™‚

    Like

    • Sorry you’re experiencing these yucky feelings, too. I’m starting to wonder whether I’m a fraud or maybe just delusional about getting published. And I know selling a book isn’t the be-all and end-all but it would sure give my confidence a boost.
      Here’s hoping there’s a shift for both of us and that we start feeling more balanced in this whole process.

      Like

  2. This really echoes how I’m feeling today, as well. When I see person after person share their book sales on Verla’s, I think, “Man, I’m just so far from that.” I feel like I’m not even in the same league…sigh. I like ‘shit on a stick’…yeah, that’s a good one πŸ˜‰

    Congrats on keeping to your word goal, though — that’s good, regardless of quality right now πŸ™‚

    Like

    • Looks impressive to me. I often write bits out of order. Doesn’t scare me one bit. The scene inevitably changes when I get to it, but I find it gives the piece some shape and gives me something to shoot for.

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      • You’re braver than me, Laurie. But I’m going to try to hold onto your outlook and know that the piece has shape and that I can refine later. It’s like that other time you reminded me that sometimes the words we write are just placeholders and that we fix them later. Guess that’s where I’m at right now.

        Like

  3. You wrote a lot more words than I did this week. πŸ™‚
    I call my first draft an “exploratory draft” to help me deal with um, uh, …well, it lets me focus on the story and forget things like grammar and paragraphs and chapters and “do my characters really need a motivation?”. My recently completed exploratory draft was written out of order (first time); I’m working my way through the ms and feeling a little lost, but I’ll figure it out–I hope.
    Don’t “curl up in a ball and disappear”. And good luck with your story. πŸ™‚

    Like

    • I like “exploratory draft.” Has a nice, safe sound to it. I think part of my angst is that I already wrote a first draft of this book and then realized it needed to be told from a slightly different perspective so now it feels as if I’m writing a whole new first draft (which I guess I am).
      Here’s wishing you clarity as you find your way through your ms, Sarah.

      Like

  4. You wrote a lot more words than I did this week. πŸ™‚

    I call my first draft an “exploratory draft” to help me deal with um, uh, …well, it lets me focus on the story and forget things like grammar and paragraphs and chapters and “do my characters really need a motivation?”. My recently completed exploratory draft was written out of order (first time); I’m working my way through the ms and feeling a little lost, but I’ll figure it out–I hope.

    Don’t “curl up in a ball and disappear”. And good luck with your story. πŸ™‚

    Like

  5. cheering you on
    Tracy, congratulations on your progress, and for posting it, which inspires everyone. And congratulations on “the suckiest draft in the history of the world.” You may in fact have a few contenders, but that’s the way to do it, at least the way I know. It is hard watching the races, but they’re really not races, we’re all in this together and everything takes its own time. You are so doing what you have to do and waaay ahead of many because of that. Hang in there!

    Like

    • Re: cheering you on
      Thank you so much for your kind words and encouragement. You’re so right about getting caught up in the races; I know it isn’t healthy and it sure isn’t productive but sometimes other people’s good news combined with my impending birthday gets me in a panic. Again, a waste of time.
      Guess I should focus on writing some more, huh?

      Like

  6. cheering you on

    Tracy, congratulations on your progress, and for posting it, which inspires everyone. And congratulations on “the suckiest draft in the history of the world.” You may in fact have a few contenders, but that’s the way to do it, at least the way I know. It is hard watching the races, but they’re really not races, we’re all in this together and everything takes its own time. You are so doing what you have to do and waaay ahead of many because of that. Hang in there!

    Like

  7. I think you’re making wonderful progress! I work best by just getting it all down on the page — even if it’s out of order, messy, and very very rough. (So what I’m saying is my wip is out of order, messy, and very very rough.) You’re doing *great*, Tracy. Keep putting those words down!

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    • Thank you, Jenny. So do you typically write scenes out of order? I know you’ve posted recently about full scenes coming to you and then you scribble them down before they disappear, and I admire that. I don’t work that way but it sounds pretty powerful.
      Every writer has her own process and I just need to once and for all get comfortable in my own. Another of those damned life lessons. πŸ™‚

      Like

      • This is the first book that has been this messy for me. I knew the plot from the first chapter, I think, but it’s the subplots that keep popping up and changing. I’m also writing this from two POV, which is new for me. That might have something to do with it.
        This hasn’t bothered me too much. There are so many scenes in my head and different relationships I want to explore. I think it’s just all a part of the process. This front end part is the most fun for me. I try to just let the words and scenes flow and worry about shaping it later.
        But — I do feel a sense of urgency. Like I’m wasting time if I don’t meet whatever goals I’ve set. I wonder if it’s my age, maybe? So many books to write, and not enough time? As I near fifty, I think of those things more. But this is really separate from the writing, yanno? All these worries.
        Sorry! I’m taking over your blog with all this.

        Like

      • Thanks for sharing your process with me, Jenny. I think it’s great you have all those scenes and potential character relationships in your head, all begging to get out. Sometimes I feel as if I need to apply a shovel to the side of my head to get that stuff moving around.
        And I understand about the age thing having an impact on the writing worries. I know it’s a stupid waste of energy to even think about my age and my progress (or lack of) since there’s nothing I can do about it, but there it is anyway. I need to remember that William Faulkner is on call to guard my sacred writing circle!

        Like

  8. Sorry you’re experiencing these yucky feelings, too. I’m starting to wonder whether I’m a fraud or maybe just delusional about getting published. And I know selling a book isn’t the be-all and end-all but it would sure give my confidence a boost.

    Here’s hoping there’s a shift for both of us and that we start feeling more balanced in this whole process.

    Like

  9. I like “exploratory draft.” Has a nice, safe sound to it. I think part of my angst is that I already wrote a first draft of this book and then realized it needed to be told from a slightly different perspective so now it feels as if I’m writing a whole new first draft (which I guess I am).

    Here’s wishing you clarity as you find your way through your ms, Sarah.

    Like

  10. Re: cheering you on

    Thank you so much for your kind words and encouragement. You’re so right about getting caught up in the races; I know it isn’t healthy and it sure isn’t productive but sometimes other people’s good news combined with my impending birthday gets me in a panic. Again, a waste of time.

    Guess I should focus on writing some more, huh?

    Like

  11. Thank you, Jenny. So do you typically write scenes out of order? I know you’ve posted recently about full scenes coming to you and then you scribble them down before they disappear, and I admire that. I don’t work that way but it sounds pretty powerful.

    Every writer has her own process and I just need to once and for all get comfortable in my own. Another of those damned life lessons. πŸ™‚

    Like

  12. This is the first book that has been this messy for me. I knew the plot from the first chapter, I think, but it’s the subplots that keep popping up and changing. I’m also writing this from two POV, which is new for me. That might have something to do with it.

    This hasn’t bothered me too much. There are so many scenes in my head and different relationships I want to explore. I think it’s just all a part of the process. This front end part is the most fun for me. I try to just let the words and scenes flow and worry about shaping it later.

    But — I do feel a sense of urgency. Like I’m wasting time if I don’t meet whatever goals I’ve set. I wonder if it’s my age, maybe? So many books to write, and not enough time? As I near fifty, I think of those things more. But this is really separate from the writing, yanno? All these worries.

    Sorry! I’m taking over your blog with all this.

    Like

  13. You have a first draft, being told from another perspective. Have fun with the process. πŸ™‚

    I’ll probably start posting soon on LJ, especially as I’m kind of in between projects.

    Well, happy writing and have a good week.

    Like

  14. Having read one of your ms, I can say with big fat confidence, that YES, you are capable of producing things they will want to buy. But speaking of crap, remember the crapshoot element involved. And hang in there!

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  15. Thanks for sharing your process with me, Jenny. I think it’s great you have all those scenes and potential character relationships in your head, all begging to get out. Sometimes I feel as if I need to apply a shovel to the side of my head to get that stuff moving around.

    And I understand about the age thing having an impact on the writing worries. I know it’s a stupid waste of energy to even think about my age and my progress (or lack of) since there’s nothing I can do about it, but there it is anyway. I need to remember that William Faulkner is on call to guard my sacred writing circle!

    Like

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