Author: Tracy Abell

R’s Gift to Me

/ Tracy Abell / 24 Comments

Wanted to give an update on the R situation.  He called me last night and apologized (several times) for not answering his phone when I called.  He said he knew that I worried about him and that he should have answered.  He promised to answer from now on and told me he didn’t want to lose me as a friend.

And the best part was he sounded calm.  There have been times in the past when he’s been emotional about something and the panic makes it hard for him to speak.  Last night he was completely in control.

I think we both feel much better.

                

Thanks

/ Tracy Abell / 12 Comments

Just wanted to let you know how much it meant to me that you not only waded into yesterday’s story about R but took the time to validate my feelings.  It was an emotional rollercoaster as I imagined him dead in his house and then discovered he was still alive and angry as ever.  

Life is one crazy ride but it’s a helluva lot easier with people like you alongside me.  Thank you so much for sharing your hearts.

                 

Waste-Not Wednesday: Personal Energy

/ Tracy Abell / 45 Comments

Okay, this isn’t my typical environmental tip for helping out the planet.  Instead, it’s a reminder to myself not to expend energy on people who don’t want/need my help.

I met and befriended an elderly man, R, who comes to the spaghetti dinner I help with each Monday.  He’s in his late seventies and lives alone in the house he shared with his parents until they died.  R is a hoarder and won’t let me into his house.  Over the past couple years I’ve arranged for plumbers to go to his house to make repairs and they were so upset about his living conditions they called me back and begged me to call social services.  I didn’t because I knew any intervention would send R into a panic.  He’d rather live the way he is than have anyone interfere with his independence.  I’ve tried hard to respect his decisions.

I last saw R a month ago when he came to the dinner and told me about his health problems.  R is frighteningly thin and in very poor health but refuses my offers to take him to the doctor.  He refused again that night, and I had to respect his decision.  Over the next several weeks, I called his home but never got an answer.  Since R doesn’t spend much time at home (it makes him anxious so he takes the bus downtown and doesn’t return until the night), I convinced myself he wasn’t home when I called and that nothing was wrong.

This morning the director of the spaghetti dinner let me know other people were starting to worry about R, too, and that maybe we should drive over there since he hadn’t shown up on Monday.  I said I’d take care of it.  I called R’s house about ten times throughout the morning but he never answered.  

I told myself I should drive over there but I couldn’t bear to discover my worst fear.

Instead, I called the police.  Ten minutes later the officer called me back to tell me R was in his house, angry about the police being there, and would I please come down.

I drove to R’s house where R berated me, over and over, for calling the police.  Over and over I explained my worry, the worry of other volunteers, and apologized for frightening him. 

Still, R thought it was necessary to start in on me one more time.  This time I cut him short.  I said, “I told you I was worried, I told you I was sorry, and I told you it wouldn’t happen again.”  I also said I hoped he felt better, and then got in my car and drove away.

We all make choices. I’ve made mine and R has made his, and now that he’s been crystal clear about my role in his choices, I know what I’ll choose in the future. 

I’m smart enough to know that choice won’t be any easier, though.

                                

Friday Feel-Goods

/ Tracy Abell / 29 Comments

1)  Yesterday I sent a letter to the editor in support of paper ballots and hand-counts.  Today the Denver Post published my letter but edited out several key sentences (my letter was over the word count).  I called the letters editor to let him know I was unhappy with what he cut and that I would’ve preferred cutting the letter myself.  He offered his direct email address for submitting future letters and said he’d let me see edits before publishing my letters.  Then a couple minutes later I received an email from him letting me know that he’d restored my letter in its entirety for the newspaper’s online version.  Plus he let me know he’d like more letters from me regarding verifiable voting because it was an important issue, one of great concern to the Post.  I’m so glad I took the time to call.

2)  Today is sunny and warm.  For the first time in forever, I’m going out on the trails to run.  It might be muddy in places but I’m willing to risk running in 15-pound shoes just to get off the streets and into the open space.

3)  Revisions are moving slowly on my middle-grade but I’m making progress.  I’ve read the opening pages about a billion times and whenever I read a certain line on page four, I crack up.  I might be the only one who thinks it’s funny but for the time being, I consider it a good sign.

4)  My shoulder and back muscles are sore because last night I did circuit training for the first time in about three weeks.  Sore is good because it reminds me I did all those push-ups.

5)  Wildebeest wasn’t turning in assignments so now has to have a weekly progress report signed by all teachers.  Last night he checked the online portal to make sure he had everything done but discovered a science assignment incorrectly marked “missing.”  He immediately wrote a note to himself and stapled it to the blank progress report so he’d remember to straighten out the no-name mix-up with his teacher.  Believe me, that’s a big WOW coming from him.

Here’s wishing lots of feel-good moments for everyone this weekend.

                 

On basketball and writing

/ Tracy Abell / 21 Comments

Zebu and I have a lot in common these days.  After years of playing on the same rec league team, he’s now playing on two competitive basketball teams (I know, Basketball R Us).  And for the first time, he’s not a starter; he’s the last or second-to-last kid rotated into games.  Two nights ago I watched him matched up beneath the net with a kid about six inches taller and twenty pounds heavier, and had tears in my eyes.   Zebu was working hard for position, knowing if he messed up, the coach might pull him out and make him watch the action from the bench.

And as I sat there fighting the tears, I realized I was weepy for both of us; Zebu’s been working hard to prove himself to his coaches and I’m trying to produce a book an editor will fall in love with and buy.  

There have been some low moments over the past few months.  We have both cried.

Last night Zebu played in a championship game.  He played well.  He showed his coaches what he was capable of and played an important role in the team’s victory.  Zebu went to bed with a smile on his face.

So today I’m going to keep revising my novel, pushing back against the outside forces trying to knock me out of position and throw me off my game.  And if need be, I won’t hesitate to throw an elbow.

                

Friday Five

/ Tracy Abell / 26 Comments

I’ve never done one of these posts but

1)  since my head continues to feel like a mucus-filled sponge

2)  and I still can’t concentrate on my WIP despite the appalling lack of progress because of the aforementioned mucus

3)  not to mention the fact that the refurbished Dell laptop I bought eight months ago on ebay died a quiet death on Wednesday

4)  which, by the way, is starting to feel like a sign from the universe to cut out my time-wasting Solitaire addiction already,

5)  I’m stopping by to wish everyone a wonderful weekend complete with clear lungs and pristine nasal passages.

 

                   

Surreal

/ Tracy Abell / 15 Comments

This afternoon Sen. John McCain who is, as far as I know, the only congressional official to endure torture while a POW, voted against a ban on waterboarding.  You read that correctly: McCain, the straight-talking maverick, voted against banning the CIA from using torture. 

Good news is the bill passed the senate, 51-45.

Bad news?  Bush says he’ll veto the legislation precisely because it contains a ban on torture.

What has happened to our country?

                       

How many Whiteheads can there be?

/ Tracy Abell / 10 Comments

Zebu is home with the flu and is listening to the audio version of HARRIET THE SPY.  I loved this book as a child and read it over and over.  However, Zebu just asked a question I don’t think I ever pondered:

What relation, if any, is there between Harriet’s classmate, Pinky Whitehead, and their teacher, Miss Whitehead?

Do you know?

             

         

This Is the Best The GOP Can Do?

/ Tracy Abell / 25 Comments

John McCain will be the Republican presidential nominee.  He likes to pretend he’s a moderate, a maverick, someone who gives us the straight talk on all the difficult issues.  As we look ahead to what’s coming in the next nine months, here’s one jaw-dropping example of what John McCain is really all about (from an April 2007 stop on his “Straight Talk” tour):

Caucus Hangover

/ Tracy Abell / 26 Comments

Last night we caucused in Colorado. 

Our caucus location for our House District is a local high school.  In the past, all forty precincts met around tables in the cafeteria.  During the last presidential cycle a total of 174 people participated and it was slightly chaotic yet energizing to have all those conversations and votes happening at the same time. 

Last night?  Well, 1,570 Democrats showed up to caucus at the high school.  It was full-on craziness.

Especially so in my precinct.  In the last two election cycles about ten people from my precinct came to caucus, and those were considered decent turnouts.  Last night, 76 people from my precinct showed up!

I was the precinct committee person and it was up to me to run the show.  Yikes.  Fortunately, we’d been assigned a classroom but even so, all the desks were taken and people sat on the floor and stood along the walls.  It was rather intimidating looking out at all those expectant faces, knowing how much we were expected to accomplish in the next two hours.  But with the help of Zippy acting as secretary and several kind people who told me throughout the evening that I was doing a fine job, we made it through.

(A big thank-you to[info]sarah_create for sending good thoughts my way.  I’d confessed to her that lately my voice wavers when I’m speaking in front of a group, mostly because I get over-excited and forget to breathe.  And yes, it wavered a little last night but I calmed down and got through everything that needed to be done.  Breathing is so important!)

So here’s how it broke down in our group:  During the non-binding straw poll, Zippy and I voted for Edwards and one woman voted for Gravel.  The rest were for Clinton and Obama, with Obama getting about seven more votes.  Then people gave short little speeches about why they supported their candidates and then we voted the official, binding vote.  Obama got 48 votes (including Zippy’s and mine since our two votes weren’t enough to make Edwards viable) and Clinton got 28.  It was pretty interesting how votes shifted the second time around.

I was thrilled so many people were there to participate but was less thrilled when people started filing out of the room as we voted for delegates to our county convention.  It does not bode well when people are passionate about a candidate for an hour but balk at the idea of spending a day as a delegate for that candidate.   However, we eventually ended up with enough delegates and a handful of alternates so we should be covered.

Another item on the caucus agenda is electing precinct committee people.  Each precinct should have two (ours had just me) and I told the remaining people I’d be happy to continue serving but that in all honesty, I didn’t have a burning enthusiasm for either candidate so maybe there were people in the room who wanted to step up and organize for their candidates.  And two people did just that!  So I’m no longer serving as the very bottom grassroots rung in the Democratic party, and part of me is a little sad but mostly I’m glad to be rid of that pressure.  Something tells me when it comes down to organizing against McCain, I’ll be there on the front lines anyway.

But for right now, I’m very happy the caucus is over and that I did right by my precinct.

                          

No Hope

/ Tracy Abell / 12 Comments

Just discovered that John Edwards is dropping out of the presidential race today.  While I didn’t believe he had a chance to get the nomination, it was very important that he brought important issues and ideas to the debate.  He held Obama and Clinton accountable.

Now it’s only them.  They can go all corporate and centrist, and no one will be there to call them on it.

Oh yeah, and there’s Romney and McCain, too.

That hope I felt the other day is nowhere to be found.

Hope

/ Tracy Abell / 15 Comments

I’ve been feeling down lately about the present and future of this country.  The damage done in the past seven years will take many, many years to undo and we need strong, brave leaders who understand that desperate times require bold solutions.  I believe Edwards is the best candidate to get this country back on track but his populist, progressive message is a threat to our corporate media and the DLC which are doing their best to marginalize him.  I don’t believe Edwards can get the nomination and I’ll just say that I’m less than thrilled with the two other leading candidates.

So why am I feeling hope?

Hope Reason Number One:  I found out tonight that a woman and writer I very much admire is going to run for public office.  You gotta love that kind of grassroots spunk and determination!

Hope Reason Number Two:  Last Friday night when I was at the caucus training for the upcoming Colorado caucuses (Feb 5) our party secretary told us that in 2004, a total of 2100 people in our county participated in caucuses but that as of Friday, the party phone line had already received 2700 inquiries about caucus locations!  More people are getting involved which means more ideas and more passion and maybe, just maybe, more progressive solutions to the many problems!

Hope Reason Number Three:  Tonight I helped with the weekly spaghetti dinner for the homeless and working poor.  And guess what?  Folks were talking about caucusing!  In 2004 I registered many of those people to vote, some for the first time in a long time and some for the first time ever, but I didn’t really push to get them to caucuses because the interest didn’t seem to be there.  But now they want to be involved right from the start which means more people involved which means more ideas and more passion and, well, you know. 

Have you ever noticed how Hope makes you feel just a tiny bit lighter?

               

Agnes, again

/ Tracy Abell / 12 Comments

Oops.  I thought we’d reached the end of the storyline about Agnes writing her first novel.  I was wrong:

Agnes by Tony Cochran

The obvious reaction would be to scoff at Agnes for her lack of gumption.  She’s a quitter!  I mean, of course a novel requires lots of words and of course writing those many, many words can sometimes feel like drudgery.  But then I thought back to what I’d accomplished on my revisions over the past two days and realized that I, too, am a sentencist.   I spent hours writing and rewriting the same lines, trying to find the tone and rhythm I need in order to revise the entire novel.  My word count for those days is pretty minuscule.  On the other hand, I finally produced the sentences I needed in order to move forward.

For the time being, I’m satisfied with my status as sentencist; I just have to remember that eventually those sentences need to come together to form a novel and that ideally the novel will be completed in this lifetime.

                

Agnes and Me

/ Tracy Abell / 22 Comments

Agnes has apparently given up on writing her first novel.  Or maybe not.  Perhaps she’s hunkered down in fierce concentration as she writes the story of beautiful, beautiful Magdalena.  Only Agnes knows.

I wanted to share a little story about Agnes and me.  Back in May of 2003, I had the wonderful opportunity to go to Iowa City for the summer session of Iowa Writers’ Workshop with Marilynne Robinson.  I stayed at the Brown Street Inn for those three weeks.  A nice older man, R, and his wife were also there, acting as caretakers whenever the owners had to leave.  Every morning I’d go for a run along the Iowa River and then shower before heading down to the kitchen for breakfast.  R was always there, reading the paper but ready for conversation. 

It was just two months since the U.S. invaded Iraq and R most definitely supported the Bush administration.  Our views and opinions were in direct opposition so we’d touch on the issue of Iraq and then tiptoe along to other topics.  One of my efforts at diplomacy was to share the Agnes strips with him.  At first R was just being a good sport about it; he’d read the strips and laugh, often sounding more puzzled than amused.  But before long R was greeting me in the mornings with “Tracy, Agnes is really funny today!”

Fast forward to the summer of 2004 when my family took a cross-country car trip.  When we planned the trip, I lobbied to go through Iowa City and was thrilled when I was able to reserve the top-floor suite at the Brown Street Inn.  I wanted my family to meet all the wonderful people who’d been so kind and supportive during my stay.

We arrived late that afternoon, tired and crabby from the long drive.  After checking in with R and his wife who were helping out again, we headed upstairs to our room. 

We walked in and found this taped to the television screen:

The Tao of Agnes

/ Tracy Abell / 13 Comments

Agnes by Tony Cochran

Agnes is a funny, funny girl…

I figured it wasn’t a bad idea to document my chipped nails and torn cuticles in case the great and powerful O ever invites me to be her guest.  You all might want to do the same.

                          

The Tao of Agnes

/ Tracy Abell / 10 Comments

Agnes by Tony Cochran

Suddenly my plotting abilities don’t seem so weak.  And I’m starting to think the pony-tailed Trout with her sharp editorial eye is my Ideal Reader.  I’ll keep her in mind today as I work on revisions, and just might find a way to include a legume-related accident or two.

        

Waste-Not Wednesday: Cereal Box Liners

/ Tracy Abell / 13 Comments

I’ve already posted a suggestion for using waxed paper bags for lunches rather than plastic bags.  But there’s an even greener alternative:  cereal box liners!

(Photobucket isn’t cooperating tonight so I apologize for the mammoth image and ask your forgiveness for any dreams in which you are chased by an enormous sandwich.  Or countertop)..  

Lessons From a Dead Girl by Jo Knowles

/ Tracy Abell / 15 Comments

I read this book a couple months ago but couldn’t bring myself to blog about it.  Why?  Because the subject matter was so difficult for me.  Here’s the summary:  “After her former friend Leah dies in an automobile accident, Laine remembers their troubled relationship, dating back to elementary school when Leah convinced Laine to ‘practice’ in the closet with her, and Leah controlled her every thought.”

Even though I never had a Leah in my life, at least not that exact model, I’ve known and experienced Laine’s fear and confusion at the hands of supposed friends.  It’s a horrible place to be.  And Jo Knowles’s spare and deliberate storytelling took me right back there.  There is no way I could have finished reading such a painful story if it hadn’t been written so well; I was practically looking for an excuse to put down the book.  

From page 66:  When we get back to the house, Leah acts especially cheerful, urging everyone to have a second piece of birthday cake.  She makes sure Paige has a seat next to her.  Later we climb into sleeping bags spread out on Leah’s bedroom floor.  Leah puts Paige’s sleeping bag next to hers before I can spread mine there.  This is it, I think.  Paige is the new me.  Maybe I should be relieved.

Typing out those words just now made my heart pound as I remembered the conflicting feelings I’ve had for friends/tormentors in my own life.   Your head tells you one thing, your heart another, and pretty soon you don’t know up from down.

Knowles does a superb job of putting us in Laine’s head, sharing all those tipping moments when she could have (should have?) stepped away and escaped the hurt.  But no matter how loud I yelled for Laine to run the other way, it didn’t matter.  Because this was Laine and Leah’s story, not mine.   Life’s lessons are learned in many different ways.

Congratulations to the courageous 

[info]jbknowles

 for wading into those lives and writing Laine’s story so that it felt like my own.    

                        

Tricky Me!

/ Tracy Abell / 9 Comments

This morning I learned a new hooping trick!

I can now officially hoop on my chest!

Told my mother over the phone and she said, “Er, isn’t that painful?”

I said, “Not on my breasts, Mom.  On my chest!”

To which she replied, ‘Well, then that’s wonderful!”

Good old Mom.

      

“And friends, they may think it’s a movement.”

/ Tracy Abell / 9 Comments

This morning a family friend who is home from Carleton College came over to hoop.  Zippy and I had already gotten her measurement (floor to navel) and made her hoop.  I left her with the gaffer tape while I took Zebu to school.  A few minutes after I got back home she gave me a somewhat exasperated look and asked if she could finish taping later.  Taping is tiresome work and I was glad to learn I’m not the only one who stinks at it.  Wrinkles, anyone?  Gaps?

We went down to the basement and hooped for about 90 minutes.  

We laughed as our hoops hit the ceiling, flew across the room, and knocked the backs of our heads.  We grinned in triumph whenever the hoops twirled just the way we wanted them to twirl.  And we agreed that thigh hooping is damned difficult and slightly painful, and maybe not a trick we need to learn.

We made plans to hoop together again very soon.

This evening Zebu taped his hoop.

I’m calling it Tracy’s Hooping Anti-Massacre Movement.  Somehow I think Arlo would approve.

            

                      

Please Call If You Can

/ Tracy Abell / 6 Comments

The U.S. House and Senate are expected to vote today on further funding for the occupation of Iraq.

The Democrats are poised to cave into the Bush administration (again).  I’m so tired of our so-called leaders enabling this war criminal.

If you’re tired, too, please call and voice your opinion.  If you believe there should be no more funding without a withdrawal timetable, then tell your elected officials.  If you believe the only money that should go into Iraq is for reconstruction projects so the Iraqis can again have water, electricity, schools, etc., then tell your elected officials.  Whatever your feelings, call your representatives and let them know.  Please.

The capitol switchboard is 1-800-614-2803.  (An operator will direct your call).

Edited to add this photo.  These are the current numbers as of today (verified deaths):

Oh my.

/ Tracy Abell / 23 Comments

I just finished reading a truly bad book that was NOT written by anyone here in LJ land but was a random YA I grabbed at the library. 

Now I’m really motivated to write well during my revisions today.  

Bad literature can be inspirational, don’t you think?