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Stuart Smalley and Me

/ Tracy Abell / 25 Comments

Of his own initiative, Wildebeest spent part of his spring break with my mother in Florida.
They both had a great time.
When she called yesterday to say he was on the plane, she brought tears to my eyes
with all the wonderful things she had to say about him.

I was so proud of him.

Thirty minutes after getting home, Wildebeest got angry about something
and proceeded to lash out at his favorite target: me.
Without directly addressing my writing, he said just enough to get me doubting myself.

I started thinking I was delusional about having an actual writing career in which money is
part of the equation.
All those good feelings about Wildebeest disappeared.
All my confidence in myself was gone.

So who did I turn to?
This guy.
Stuart Smalley.

If you’re not familiar with this book, I can’t recommend it enough. 
This is my dog-eared copy of Stuart’s (aka Al Franken) daily affirmations.

Stuart is a member of various twelve-step programs (OA, DA, Al-Anon, etc) but
despite his best efforts sometimes goes into Shame Spirals. 
Stuart’s shame spirals usually result in him taking to bed with a case of Hydrox or
several boxes of Animal Crackers (the OA component at work.)

Stuart makes me laugh (every single time I read his affirmations), but he also
hits on some truths.
Last night this one resonated with me:

December 12
TODAY I AM A TOTALLY COMPETENT PERSON!
I feel strangely confident.  Or strangely competent.  Or just strange!  Anyway, I’m taping today, and I feel good about it.  But not cocky or grandiose.  Steve calls it "delusions of adequacy."  That’s a joke.  It’s just that it feels like everything that’s ever happened to me has brought me to this moment.  And I guess that’s something to remember.  Which is that we can actually learn and benefit from all this bizarre stuff that happens to us.  I am who I am, I don’t want to trade places with anybody, and my experience has made me stronger.  I am in recovery, hear me roar!

Do yourself a favor and get a copy of this book.

              

Lights! Camera! Action!

/ Tracy Abell / 10 Comments

Wildebeest and friends are helping D make an extra-credit video for Spanish class.
D came out from behind the camera to wield the bat.
Wildebeest bared his belly
and K donned a multi-color wig.
A few minutes later Wildebeest ran into the kitchen and grabbed a bottle of ketchup.

I get the feeling viewers are going to wish there were subtitles.


 
          

Hard Work

/ Tracy Abell / 11 Comments

On Saturday I reintroduced the 1000 Words/Day rule
which puts me at 3000 words on my WIP.
I’m also shooting for the 1 Chapter/Day rule on my revisions.
So far, so good.

We all know the writing life can be difficult.
At times we feel as if we’re banging our heads on walls.
Guess what?

This flicker literally bangs his head.  Everyday.  For hours and hours.

And because today is another WINDY day in Colorado, he’s banging his head
in HIGH winds (notice ruffled feathers on head and back)

Now that’s hard work.

         

Wildebeest’s Hair

/ Tracy Abell / 41 Comments

Wildebeest is 15.
Wildebeest decided he wanted dreadlocks.
After several failed lunch-hour attempts by friends
to dread his hair, Wildebeest mentioned
another dread method: neglect dreads.

Wildebeest started sporting a snarled head of hair.
I assumed neglect dreads.
And said nothing.
Until he mentioned we needed to order the dreadlock kit
he’d researched online.
The kit with wax.

I said, “But you’re doing neglect dreads.”
He said, “No.”
I said, “Then what’s going on with your hair all snarled up?”
He said, “I’m too lazy to comb it.”

(Insert EXCLAMATION OF YOUR CHOICE)

Yesterday we spent several hours combing out the hair
we’d coated with a half-bottle of conditioner.

I’d comb for a while and then leave him to it,
all the while hoping he’d just give up and ask me to cut it all off.
But the next time I’d go in to where he sat in the bathtub in swim shorts,
he was still working on it.
Tears of pain and frustration in his eyes.

I’d comb some more, apologizing when I yanked his hair.
Still hoping he’d give up and have me cut it.

But then something happened.
I started to root for Wildebeest.
I wanted him to stick with the agony of the comb
until the very last snarl was smoothed from his head.
I didn’t want him to give up.  Give in.
I wanted Wildebeest to keep his long hair.
His major accomplishment.
His freak flag.

So at the end, it was me combing out the last snarls.
Him in tears.
Me crying for my stubborn son who always does stuff the hard way.
I wept, wondering if his life would always be this way.
Him choosing the rockiest path.

We finished. Both exhausted.
I wish I had after photos but I don’t.
Despite the abuse his hair was smooth and silky.

Wildebeest is reconsidering getting dreadlocks.
He has a whole new appreciation for the fact that
dreadlocks require hours of backcombing.

I’ll go with whatever he decides.

Ooh, ooh that smell

/ Tracy Abell / 21 Comments

Can’t you smell that smell?

I gave this dog three baths today.
Coco’s apparently the kind of dog who doesn’t just like skunk-stink on her face.
She likes the full-body experience.
She found leftover skunk-stench in the yard and rolled in it.  Twice.

Coco is Wildebeest’s dog.
Doesn’t that make perfect sense?

Anyway, he helped with this last bath.
When we finished he said, "That was no fun at all.  Not even a good bonding moment."

I didn’t say anything but between you and me, I felt a bond.

                

Zippy’s Heart on Valentine’s Day

/ Tracy Abell / 47 Comments

Yesterday was Friday the 13th.
The day for Zippy’s appointment with a cardiologist because of chest pains that started eight days earlier.
Chest pains that progressed from only during exercise (running) to walking to the bus to pains felt while driving to the cardiologist and then again while filling out paperwork in the cardiologist’s office.

Yesterday was Friday the 13th.
The day when Zippy’s body screamed out for attention so that rather than a meet-and-greet, gathering of medical history kind of appointment, Zippy was sent to the hospital for an angiogram.

Yesterday was Friday the 13th.
The day doctors detected Zippy’s severely blocked artery and fixed it with two stents.

Yesterday was Friday the 13th.
The day we learned Zippy hadn’t suffered any heart attacks, that his heart wasn’t damaged,
and that his heart muscle is strong.
The day we averted medical disaster.

Today is February 14.
Valentine’s Day.
The day the love of my life is home with us again, feeling so much better than he has in the past two months.

Today is February 14.
Valentine’s Day.
I’m so very grateful.

Mom in the Spin

/ Tracy Abell / 26 Comments

We went to Westcliffe for my family’s reunion and this time I remembered to bring my beginner’s hoop, the oversized, extra-heavy, foam-covered hoop I learned with last summer.   Last month when visiting her, I’d only brought the lighter hoops and Mom was intimidated when the hoop kept dropping.

Not so this time around.  The (78-year-old) woman is a natural.

Here we are during one of our 45-minute sessions:

(I’m having major difficulties with uploading photos onto my LJ.  I can’t even get into Photobucket anymore and finally got this to work via TinyPic but it didn’t accept my custom cropping so you’re getting a much larger view of the car hood and much smaller view of Mom and me than I’d intended.  Not to mention how my LJ keeps giving me an “undefined” error message when I click on Insert/Edit Image.  Aargh!!!)

Name that Beetle

/ Tracy Abell / 16 Comments

This little beetle has been roaming my bathroom for the past few days. Caught him here on the rim of the bucket we use for catching water as it warms up. Anyone know what kind of beetle it is? Whatever the name, it’s a beauty.

Agnes and Me

/ Tracy Abell / 22 Comments

Agnes has apparently given up on writing her first novel.  Or maybe not.  Perhaps she’s hunkered down in fierce concentration as she writes the story of beautiful, beautiful Magdalena.  Only Agnes knows.

I wanted to share a little story about Agnes and me.  Back in May of 2003, I had the wonderful opportunity to go to Iowa City for the summer session of Iowa Writers’ Workshop with Marilynne Robinson.  I stayed at the Brown Street Inn for those three weeks.  A nice older man, R, and his wife were also there, acting as caretakers whenever the owners had to leave.  Every morning I’d go for a run along the Iowa River and then shower before heading down to the kitchen for breakfast.  R was always there, reading the paper but ready for conversation. 

It was just two months since the U.S. invaded Iraq and R most definitely supported the Bush administration.  Our views and opinions were in direct opposition so we’d touch on the issue of Iraq and then tiptoe along to other topics.  One of my efforts at diplomacy was to share the Agnes strips with him.  At first R was just being a good sport about it; he’d read the strips and laugh, often sounding more puzzled than amused.  But before long R was greeting me in the mornings with “Tracy, Agnes is really funny today!”

Fast forward to the summer of 2004 when my family took a cross-country car trip.  When we planned the trip, I lobbied to go through Iowa City and was thrilled when I was able to reserve the top-floor suite at the Brown Street Inn.  I wanted my family to meet all the wonderful people who’d been so kind and supportive during my stay.

We arrived late that afternoon, tired and crabby from the long drive.  After checking in with R and his wife who were helping out again, we headed upstairs to our room. 

We walked in and found this taped to the television screen:

The Tao of Agnes

/ Tracy Abell / 13 Comments

Agnes by Tony Cochran

Agnes is a funny, funny girl…

I figured it wasn’t a bad idea to document my chipped nails and torn cuticles in case the great and powerful O ever invites me to be her guest.  You all might want to do the same.

                          

Please Call If You Can

/ Tracy Abell / 6 Comments

The U.S. House and Senate are expected to vote today on further funding for the occupation of Iraq.

The Democrats are poised to cave into the Bush administration (again).  I’m so tired of our so-called leaders enabling this war criminal.

If you’re tired, too, please call and voice your opinion.  If you believe there should be no more funding without a withdrawal timetable, then tell your elected officials.  If you believe the only money that should go into Iraq is for reconstruction projects so the Iraqis can again have water, electricity, schools, etc., then tell your elected officials.  Whatever your feelings, call your representatives and let them know.  Please.

The capitol switchboard is 1-800-614-2803.  (An operator will direct your call).

Edited to add this photo.  These are the current numbers as of today (verified deaths):

Planting a Flag

/ Tracy Abell / 27 Comments

My office somehow became the family office and then the family dumping ground.  I’d post a photo of what it looks like today but it’s too damned scary.  Visualize piles of papers, stacks of books next to full bookshelves, a dead computer on the floor, various cords and plug-ins, dust, tax files, homework, more dust, bins and boxes, magazines and unpaid bills.  Did I mention the dust?  

Believe me when I say there’s not a whole lot of space for creativity.

Well, I read

[info]dotificus

 notes on Laurie Halse Anderson in which LHA said writers must create a sacred writing space.  Dot quoted her as saying “Writing space creates focus. You’re planting a flag.”

I thought, yeah.  But how?

Then today I was flipping through Monica Wood’s THE POCKET MUSE (a great book, by the way) and came across Ingredients of a good writing space which includes  “The space should be marked as yours by the decor: a favorite vase, a framed photo, a special charm or knick-knack.  Put up a sign, a flag, a fence; pee on it if you have to.  It’s yours.”

So I mulled over the possibilities before moving a little desk out of the office and putting it in the weight room.  I figure I’m safe in there since I’m the only one in the family who lifts weights.

And I didn’t even have to pee to make it mine.      

And the kitchen sink…

/ Tracy Abell / 46 Comments

I’d really like to start posting everyday because when I let too much time go past, I get overwhelmed by all the subject possibilities.

For instance, I’m back from our car trip extravaganza and I could post a Yellowstone photo of the fireweed with the backdrop of tree remains from the ’88 wildfires:

I could share how wonderful it was meeting

[info]idaho_laurie

 and her gorgeous children, Catgirl and Tornado Boy, and the dissertation-slaving Mr. C.  Laurie and I only had a bit of time together but our online interactions made me feel as if we’d already met.  She’s just as smart and funny in person as in cyberspace.

Hmm, what else?  Oh yes, I’m totally enamored of my hoop.  I took it on the trip and hooped all over the place.  Along a path in Yellowstone where I converted several older women to a hooping existence, alongside a swimming pool, in various hotel rooms, on the lawn of a hot springs resort in Montana.  Wherever I could grab a few minutes.  Hooping wakes me up AND calms me down (kind of a non-narcotic, non-stimulant speedball effect).

On our first day of the trip we stopped at some tiny store/gas station in Arlington, WY, where the actor James Woods was buying orange soda and chips (which he started eating before leaving the parking lot).  According to Zebu, the men’s restroom in that place was literally overflowing.  Ugh.

Random thought:  I feel so vindicated in the knowledge that the “moderate” John McCain and his “straight-talk” campaign have imploded!

I’m reading COLD MOUNTAIN right now and am in awe of the writing.  I know I’m way behind the times here, but better late than never.  I read another adult novel on the trip, a Pulitzer winner from the 80s, and was not so impressed.  Charles Frazier, though, is the real deal.  

I’m happy to report that I’m back on track with my WIP.  Zippy thought of some plot point while on the trip and said, “I know you don’t want to talk about your book but  I was thinking…”  Well, let’s just say I was less than graceful in shutting down that conversation.

This morning I got a call from my neighbor letting me know a local radio station was giving away tickets to Bob Dylan at Red Rocks.  Well, I hooped away while hitting redial and while I got through a bunch of times (the first time I nearly choked on the jolt of adrenaline), each time the phone just rang and rang, and then went to the busy signal.  Sigh.  Guess it’ll be a Zebu-only experience tomorrow night.

Okay, I’ll stop here with a vow to post more often so there’s not so much stuff to wade through.  
 

Molly Ivins

/ Tracy Abell / 35 Comments

I’m crying. I can’t imagine slogging along through this lifetime without Molly Ivins making me laugh and think and try to be a better person. I was bottomed out after the 2004 election but she wrote a column about not giving up. She encouraged us to each go out and create a piece of beauty in the world. A little garden plot, perhaps. And that’s what I did that next spring, planting more flowers and adding colors and textures to my garden.

I’ve already posted this photo taken last summer. It was one of those magical summer days that will always be remembered. As my mate and I basked in the glory of all those flowers, I teared up remembering Molly’s suggestion. And I felt proud to have created my own little chunk of beauty.

This spring, and forever after, my garden will bloom in Molly’s honor.

Bathroom Humor

/ Tracy Abell / 2 Comments

Today as I used the facilities and read a little CALVIN AND HOBBES, I decided once and for all that my mother is wrong. It isn’t uncouth to have books in my bathroom. Not when those books provide middle-of-the-day smiles.

These days I’ll take laughter wherever I can get it, even if it means me sitting there on the toilet, giggling at Hobbes leaping onto Calvin coming through the front door.

Vision Restored!

/ Tracy Abell / 9 Comments

Because I have amazing eyewear people http://www.sportsoptical.com/ I was only in Blurry-Ville for about seven hours yesterday. The frame that broke was a limited edition but Andrea found another that was nearly a perfect match, Brett heated the plastic and put in my good lenses, and here I am after having WAY too much fun playing with the contrast settings…

Busted!

/ Tracy Abell / 13 Comments

Had just gotten dressed, washed face, brushed teeth, and was drying off glasses before jumping back into my WIP. The glasses snapped in two. Am now wearing old glasses with old prescription, feeling woozy and slightly nauseous. Welcome to Monday……..

My Contribution to World Beautification

/ Tracy Abell / 9 Comments

This is a view from my patio, taken in June. My garden doesn’t look like this now – mums and asters are blooming today – but I wanted to document that early summer day because it holds only good memories for me. Mate and I spent afternoon on patio, talking and laughing. Watching butterflies flit from flower to flower, listening to bees buzzing and the snake slithering through the dry leaves alongside the patio. We relaxed into the little piece of beauty we’d created in our own backyard. It was a truly wonderful day.