Clicked at random and this photo by Wildebeest came up. It feels very YA and appropriate to my project, except for the fact no one in my book skates. But still . . .

Maybe I should write a Lizard King into my story.
I'm developing new perspectives
regarding running and writing,
perspectives I hope will sustain me.
I am a creature of habit
and while there's no harm in my many years
of ordering aloo gobi at Indian restaurants
or my drawer filled with black shirts,

I'm realizing I do myself a disservice when I,
for example, get so focused on how fast I can run a certain
trail that I get locked into that one workout.
Last summer I ran three or four times a week
on the trails in the open space,
trails that include lots of rocks and inclines.
When it came time for the annual road race 5k to benefit my kids'
high school I was sure I'd kick butt.
Well, I did cut some time but nothing close to what I'd hoped for,
and I didn't know why.
Now I think I do.
Every run was on the same couple loops,
starting from the same place
and ending at the same point.
My muscles got used to those runs and settled in at that level.
Here's what the trail system looks like where I run:
image from BigDaddyMaps.com
While it's true there are many trails,
not all those trails are great for running.
Many are so steep I'd be faster hiking them than "running."
So I gravitated to the trails that had long sections of tolerable inclines,
wanting a decent-length workout.
This summer I'm trying something new:
I go off on tangents, even if those trails are short or quickly turn steep.
I'm keeping my muscles on their proverbial toes as I mix up my workouts.
As a result, I'm not obsessed with my time and allow myself the luxury of
watching coyotes or jumping sideways at the sight of a snake.

Every step I take is a good step.
So what does this lengthy screed have to do with my writing?
I'm back working on the project I set aside in April in order to focus
on other revisions, the project that's different from any other book I've written.
This project intimidates me and I really have no clue whether I'm hitting the mark.
But I'm using new writing muscles and that can only make me a stronger writer
(assuming I don't run screaming into the night).
Something else I've learned?
New perspectives are not only good for the muscles but nourish the soul.
AGNES by Tony Cochran
Which just goes to show writers cannot possibly appeal to every demographic.
Stories involving little sailor pants are a genre unto themselves.
I’m sorting through a myriad of emotions this morning
as 2010 winds down and bleeds into 2011.
Trying to wrap my head around what it all means for me and my writing.
Image from morguefiles.com
I’m considering investing in a wig and whole new persona.
AGNES by Tony Cochran
This reminds me of getting my first chapter work-shopped
by Marilynne Robinson and the rest of the summer session crew.
I threw an awful lot into those opening pages, and after listening
to the same refrain from most everyone present ("too much, too soon"),
I broke workshop protocol and blurted: "I get it, it’s a shit storm."
AGNES by Tony Cochran
This is where Agnes and I part ways;
I’m most definitely shooting for good.
Let me say right upfront that I am fine.
Yesterday afternoon I was in my Prius at a red light,
and I watched a woman use the cross walk in front of me.
She was dressed in business clothes, dark blue form-fitting blouse
and blue slacks that showed off her full hips.
Her blonde hair was shoulder length and slightly kinky.
She carried a purse over one shoulder and held a Subway sandwich bag in her hand.
A six-inch sandwich.
I thought, "Wow, it’s pretty late for lunch."
I glanced at my clock and it said 2:55.
Just as I wondered if the woman always ate lunch that late or whether it was
such a busy day she couldn’t get out of the office any sooner, I was hit from behind.
Lots of adrenaline and shaking ensued.
I pulled off the street into a parking lot,
followed by the guy in the minivan who’d hit me.
More shaking.
I wrote down my name and insurance carrier and policy number
and gave it to the man. He gave me his card so I could do the same
but I was shaking so much I asked him to do it.
I couldn’t read his name as written so he spelled it out for me.
He didn’t include his insurance carrier until I asked.
After he left, I realized his policy number was a bit scribbly,
and I wasn’t entirely positive I was reading it correctly.
As I sat in my car waiting for the adrenaline to wear off,
I felt some tightness in my back below my shoulder blades.
I decided to be smart and call my insurance company just to let them know
what had happened in case it turned out I was injured.
Here are some of the pieces of information they wanted that I could not provide:
Man’s license plate number.
Man’s phone number.
Man’s address.
Man’s vehicle identification number. (VIN, really?! How about a DNA sample while I’m at it?!)
Description of man’s vehicle including number of doors and presence of child restraints/car seats.
(I told her I didn’t know about car seats but that there was a black dog riding shotgun).
So I guess the moral of this story is . . . what?
That Tracy should make a little checklist to keep in her glove compartment so she’ll remember to ask for the obvious next time?
That writers are incredibly detail-oriented up until the point of suffering a trauma?
That Tracy is never going to get a job as a detective?
That Tracy should cut herself some slack and give herself points for having the guy spell out his last name AND
include the name of his insurance carrier? I mean, imagine the embarrassment if I hadn’t been able to supply that basic info.
Writers be warned: your brains might not function at their usual levels after getting rear-ended.
Cheat sheets are highly recommended.
Yesterday I spent time working in my garden,
but rather than calming and rejuvenating my spirit, the work agitated.
Why?
Two words: Euonymus coloratus.

Years ago when I began landscaping the slope in my backyard,
a gardening expert recommended I plant Euonymus (yoo-on–uh-muh
s)
and some evergreen-juniper-creeping stuff to prevent soil erosion.
Good news: the soil didn’t erode.
Bad news: the groundcover ran amok.
Last fall I removed the evergreens and yesterday I cut back tons of
Euonymus that’s choking out other plants.
It made me crabby knowing that all the sweat and effort and money
I’d put into my garden was literally being strangled by those shiny green stems and leaves.
Now I’m faced with several options:
a) cut back the Euonymus each and every year with the knowledge the roots will grow thicker
b) dig out the deeply rooted and pervasive Euonymus with the knowledge I’ll destroy other plants in the process
c) avert my gaze
All this got me thinking about writing, of course.
I just finished a major revision in which I killed off a character,
deleted an entire plot line, heavily revised two-thirds of the book,
and completely rewrote the last third.
I’m not afraid of hard work.
But I’ve realized that while I love gardening, I prefer it on a low maintenance level.
I like to putter around, but even more I enjoy sitting on my patio,
admiring the flowers. Watching the butterflies and listening to birds.
Writing novels.
Moral of this story?
I’m keeping my day job.
Zippy thought all my writer friends would appreciate this:
MUTTS by Patrick McDonnell
The best remedy for The Doubts is liking your project as you revise.
Thinking to yourself "Hey, this isn’t too bad!"
Or maybe just "Hey, this isn’t too bad." (minus the exclamation point).
I am SO grateful for these glimmers right now.
Whether they’re exclamatory, or not.
I’ve said it before and I’ll say it again.
It means so much to me (and my mental health)
having this writing community.
Yesterday I shared my panic and angst
and kind writer friends took time to talk me down from the ledge.
Sharing wise truths along the way.
Reminders that I wasn’t delusional.
That I could continue my project in good faith.
I want you to know I just finished my 1000 words for the day
and it was a great session.
I wasn’t nervous or angsty or anything like that.
I was calm.
Deliberate.
Confident that the initial story spark and its ensuing emotions
were still there for me to mine.
Thank you, friends.
Have a wonderful laughter-filled weekend!
Maybe you’ve already seen this.
I just saw it on the blueboards.
It made me laugh and laugh
not because I’ve experienced this sort of “editorial direction”
but because it reminds me of being inside my head on this project.
What if, say, the main character dies at the end of chapter one.
I mean, not that but I mean something like that.
I mean, not like that but, yeah.
. . . . .
Yeah, so what if it’s not that but it’s JAWS?
THAT MITCHELL AND WEBB LOOK: OK . . .NOT THIS
What do you think about this?
From THE WRITER’S BOOK OF HOPE: ENCOURAGEMENT AND ADVICE FROM A VETERAN by Ralph Keyes:
Over the course of her distinguished career, Margaret Atwood made a hobby of collecting reasons for writing that authors mention in their autobiographies, press interviews, on talk shows and during "conversations in the backs of bookstores before the dreaded group signing …" From the long list Atwood recorded in NEGOTIATING WITH THE DEAD, a few of my favorites include:
This shocks me.
I admit that "showing the bastards" is part of my motivation for wanting to get published.
But actually, that’s not even true.
It’s more that I want to get published so my kids can see how working hard and not giving up can pay off.
Plus, I don’t want them thinking I’m delusional.
Whatever the reasons are these days, I certainly did not begin writing as a strategy for getting back at people in my past.
I mean, come on.
There’s got to be a less painful method for getting revenge.
So, confession time.
Anyone here start writing so they could stick it to their high school English teacher?
Writing is like driving at night in the fog.
You can only see as far as your headlights,
but you can make the whole trip that way.
– – – E. L. Doctorow
I’ve always loved this quote.
But I’m sure it’s anathema
to John Irving who believes
if you’re making it up as you go along
you’re not a writer, just a liar.
Each first draft is different for me.
Each process unique.
What I know ahead of time varies.
Yesterday I felt a combination of
fear and exhilaration as I wrote my 1000 words.
Squinting ahead into the fog.
I haven’t written yet today.
I’m worried the story might be headed for a cliff.
But if that’s the case,
I’ll just have to grab the wheel and make a sharp turn.
And hope I don’t run over any liars
who might be staggering around in the fog.
Friday night I had a conversation with two parents from Zebu’s basketball team. We don’t know each other very well so I was thrilled when the dad wanted to talk about books. The conversation moved from books we’ve read to the kind of books I write. I’d told them upfront I’m a writer and also said I hadn’t yet broken through but that I knew I was close to getting published. The mom wanted to know if I’d made any money from my writing. I said no. The conversation continued with the dad asking questions about my current book out in the world. The mom stared at me and then stated, "You write but you’ve never made any money."
"Not yet," I said. "But it’ll happen because I’m not giving up."
At that moment I probably should’ve been a little nervous. Or depressed. Or angry. Something. But I wasn’t. I felt absolute confidence in me and my work.
This whole exchange couldn’t have been better timed since Nathan Bransford recently linked to this analysis of writerly confidence versus delusion. And now that I’ve reread it, I can say without a doubt that while the basketball mom undoubtedly considers me delusional, I know the truth: I’m a confident writer.

John Updike had an essay in the Nov/Dec issue of the AARP magazine. It was entitled The Writer in Winter, and addressed the challenges specific to aging writers. It’s a very nice essay and I recommend reading it in its entirety. But in the meanwhile, here’s my favorite line:
"Prose should have a flow, the forward momentum of a certain energized weight; it should feel like a voice tumbling into your ear."
Isn’t that lovely?
Today is four weeks since my dad died. Early on, several people who do grief counseling told me my thought processes would be messed up/foggy for three weeks. It’s true. They were. Are.
This morning for the first time I not only itched to get working again but felt as if I could do some decent work. I’ve fallen out of my 1000 words/day habit and haven’t started revising my funny MG boy book. However, last week I wrote up notes and thoughts surrounding draft 1 of another book (BB) and printed those out so I could hit the ground running on draft 2 when I pull it out again in several months. I forced myself to do this because I was sure that project was the culprit taking up valuable space in my brain, keeping me from the revisions and writing 1k words/day on a new project.
So this morning, free from that other project, I felt the itch. Not only that, I felt like my old writer self feeling the itch. Me and the itch. I decided it was time to do some scratching, time to get serious about those revisions.
I opened my laptop and started reading through revisions notes I’ve taken over the past four weeks. Suddenly, I felt teary and panicked and overwhelmingly tired. And I knew I wasn’t quite ready.
I closed the laptop and took a nap.
I’m sure I was right about the other project taking up valuable real estate in my head. But I obviously still need a little more time to make a little more space for my grief.
Patience isn’t one of my strengths but in this case, I guess I don’t really have a choice. It just means I’ll have more time for watching birds in the feeder. That is, until the Cooper’s Hawk arrives to sit on my back fence and all the juncos and sparrows and finches disappear until the coast is clear.
Eventually they’ll be back, and so will I.
I just finished the first draft of my contemporary YA. It was ugly. Pointed the nose to the ground and crash-landed the project. The draft is 65k words which I mostly wrote in 1k-word installments. I wrote every single day except for when I put it on hold to do revisions on other projects. I’m proud to have finished a draft so quickly because even though it blithers and blathers, and does a fair amount of wandering, there are glimmers of a real story in there. I proved to myself I can be disciplined (formerly viewed as "rigid") and produce (hopefully) decent work.
Normally I’d print out a copy and stick it in a drawer for months before looking at it again. But having discovered I’m capable of sticking to a daily word count, I started wondering if I should also tweak my revision process and try something new there.
So. I’m going to read the draft and then immediately go through all my notes I took as I wrote the book so that I can create a new Official Notes List. This list will only contain the plot and character ideas that still make sense, whether they’re already in the story or just in my notes. I’m in the habit of jotting down notes as I write and sometimes those notes are viable by the end of the story but sometimes they don’t make a damned bit of sense. And sometimes there’s lots and lots of the nonsensical. By creating an Official Notes List right now, I hope to alleviate much confusion and staggering in the wilderness when I read this draft several months from now.
That’s my Big Plan for Success. Anyone else care to share?
(And if you haven’t yet read them yet you might be interested in stopping by jeannineatkins to read her last couple posts on her revision process. She gave me lots to think about).
AARGH! I read over this before hitting the Post button, and realized something: it doesn’t make any sense to write out a list without making changes in this draft because otherwise I’ll just be distracted all over again by the tangents and mis-characterizations. I won’t be buying myself much time. Does this mean I have to go in and do heavy-lifting (in terms of plot and characterization) before putting the ms in a drawer?
HELP! Tracy’s Big Plan for Success just sprang a leak.
I’ve finished writing the draft of my MG for JoNoWriMo+1.5 and am currently plugging holes in the ms (I use BLANK in the text and then go back later to fill in the character’s last name, or the food item someone was eating, or whatever I hadn’t yet figured out at the time I was writing) before making my official announcement that I finished.
But I wanted to share what I discovered about those 3000 words I cranked out last week in one sitting. Those words were in the last big scene of the book which I knew pretty well since I’d written lots of notes and could visualize it. Today as I moved around the document plugging holes, I realized that the last big scene slipped from past tense into present. It read like an announcer at a horse track calling out the race. You know, that neck-in-neck kind of stuff.
Anyway, it made me laugh.
My office somehow became the family office and then the family dumping ground. I’d post a photo of what it looks like today but it’s too damned scary. Visualize piles of papers, stacks of books next to full bookshelves, a dead computer on the floor, various cords and plug-ins, dust, tax files, homework, more dust, bins and boxes, magazines and unpaid bills. Did I mention the dust?
Believe me when I say there’s not a whole lot of space for creativity.
Well, I read
notes on Laurie Halse Anderson in which LHA said writers must create a sacred writing space. Dot quoted her as saying “Writing space creates focus. You’re planting a flag.”
I thought, yeah. But how?
Then today I was flipping through Monica Wood’s THE POCKET MUSE (a great book, by the way) and came across Ingredients of a good writing space which includes “The space should be marked as yours by the decor: a favorite vase, a framed photo, a special charm or knick-knack. Put up a sign, a flag, a fence; pee on it if you have to. It’s yours.”
So I mulled over the possibilities before moving a little desk out of the office and putting it in the weight room. I figure I’m safe in there since I’m the only one in the family who lifts weights.
And I didn’t even have to pee to make it mine. 