Confidence

/ Tracy Abell

I’ve set a running goal for myself to place in the top fifteen in my age group this Memorial Day in the Bolder Boulder 10k.  I’m dedicated to making that happen; I participated in a winter training group and am now in a 10k spring training program.  I’m following the weekly workouts.  I have a coach available to answer questions and boost my morale when necessary.  I’m confident I’m going to reach my goal.

And now I’m trying to figure out how this whole confidence thing works.  The good thing about running is the results are objective; the clock doesn’t lie.  So when I’m running intervals until my lungs burn I try to remember that the pain is an investment in my 10k performance, and I push on through.  But it’s more difficult pushing myself in the writing life.  Lately as I work on revisions, it’s easy to falter and second-guess.  I know my writing has improved in the ten-plus years since I began my first novel but instead of measuring up against a stop watch, my performance is evaluated by editors.   So far I haven’t placed, much less in the top fifteen.

My hope is that as I continue to train, getting stronger and faster, my runner’s confidence will overflow into my writing life. 

“If I have lost confidence in myself, I have the universe against me.”
Ralph Waldo Emerson
                            

28 thoughts on “Confidence”

  2. Good for you, Tracy, for persevering with the running!
    And you know, I really like that you brought up the confidence thing. I suffered a huge lack of confidence in my abilities with music and with writing for years. Now I’m beginning to see that confidence is not a piling up of proof that we can do things, but a letting go of the ideas that we can’t do things. Does that make sense? Young kids are supremely confident even if they haven’t mastered something because they don’t carry the idea that they can’t do it.
    I think–actually more feel–that our innate strength is the very basis of confidence. It’s when we look to the results to measure our confidence that we falter because the results cannot be the true measure of what we are capable of doing in the moment. So in the midst of running, if you are fully present with it, there’s natural confidence. Whether or not you complete the race is secondary really. And so I’ve found that with writing as well. If I bring in the worry that what I’m writing isn’t good enough, won’t sell, or whatever negative thoughts arise, my natural confidence is covered and in my experience, hinders full immersion in creativity.
    Interesting subject, Tracy, and I think I’ll be pondering it all day!

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    • That is very perceptive, Lorraine. I’m going to think about that for a while. As with a lot of things you write here as a journal entry, I think you should submit that. Very well spoken– written.

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      • Thanks, Linda, and I’m so glad to see you here. It reminds me that I meant to read your non-fic blog entry but…I forgot. So off I go, running right over to read it. 🙂

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    • “Now I’m beginning to see that confidence is not a piling up of proof that we can do things, but a letting go of the ideas that we can’t do things.”
      I absolutely agree with this. And I’m coming to realize that my whole confidence issue works in a circle because the more confidence I gain in my ability to do something, the less I care about what that ability means for the world at large. And you’re right about being fully present in the running and how that is natural confidence. I can visualize that feeling I get when I’m running that way but I can’t yet visualize myself writing that way, and that’s something I want to cultivate.
      Thank you, Lorraine, for your always thoughtful and insight comments. I’m so glad you’re here.

      Like

  3. Good for you, Tracy, for persevering with the running!

    And you know, I really like that you brought up the confidence thing. I suffered a huge lack of confidence in my abilities with music and with writing for years. Now I’m beginning to see that confidence is not a piling up of proof that we can do things, but a letting go of the ideas that we can’t do things. Does that make sense? Young kids are supremely confident even if they haven’t mastered something because they don’t carry the idea that they can’t do it.

    I think–actually more feel–that our innate strength is the very basis of confidence. It’s when we look to the results to measure our confidence that we falter because the results cannot be the true measure of what we are capable of doing in the moment. So in the midst of running, if you are fully present with it, there’s natural confidence. Whether or not you complete the race is secondary really. And so I’ve found that with writing as well. If I bring in the worry that what I’m writing isn’t good enough, won’t sell, or whatever negative thoughts arise, my natural confidence is covered and in my experience, hinders full immersion in creativity.

    Interesting subject, Tracy, and I think I’ll be pondering it all day!

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  4. Running is hard for me.
    That said, I’m going to try to do a 10 km this year. I’ve done 5km. Lots of times actually. But 10. I’m so not an endurance gal. But. I’m going to do it. My goal is to finish. Okay. I have some pride. To finish at a good for me time. Which is not very fast. But. Finish. Yay!
    Janet

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    • I think that’s a great goal to set for yourself, Janet. If you’ve done lots of 5ks then you should definitely be able to do a 10k. I’m learning the value of long, easy runs to build up an aerobic base. It doesn’t seem that running so slowly could be so helpful but it really does build endurance (or so the coaches tell me). 🙂
      Please keep me posted on when you’re going to run so I can send good vibes your way.

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  5. Running is hard for me.
    That said, I’m going to try to do a 10 km this year. I’ve done 5km. Lots of times actually. But 10. I’m so not an endurance gal. But. I’m going to do it. My goal is to finish. Okay. I have some pride. To finish at a good for me time. Which is not very fast. But. Finish. Yay!

    Janet

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  8. Good luck with your running.
    I need to get back into running, now that it isn’t ice–cleared during the last few day. Stairs are boring.
    Good luck with revisions and subs.

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    • Glad your ice is going away, Sarah, so that you can run again. I know exercise is so important to you so I wish you many liberating runs in the springtime!
      Thank you for your continued good wishes. I send the same to you.

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  9. Good luck with your running.
    I need to get back into running, now that it isn’t ice–cleared during the last few day. Stairs are boring.

    Good luck with revisions and subs.

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  10. I like the analogy. But I do think it’s easy to get caught up in the “winning.” The writing thing gets complicated when one naturally mixes that goals of doing one’s best work and getting published. But to believe in yourself with your runner’s confidence might just be worth the struggle.

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  12. I am so unsporty, but I think I’ve read that visualizing yourself playing a winning game of tennis or whatever will help you improve your game.
    I do think that confidence can take you a long way, whether on a marathon or on a writing journey.

    Like

    • “I am so unsporty” That cracked me up, Barb. 🙂
      I did lots of visualizing before I ran the Bolder Boulder last year and I think it helped. I can visualize myself running well but have a harder time doing that with my writing. There’s some blockage there. Ahem.

      Like

  13. I am so unsporty, but I think I’ve read that visualizing yourself playing a winning game of tennis or whatever will help you improve your game.

    I do think that confidence can take you a long way, whether on a marathon or on a writing journey.

    Like

  14. “Now I’m beginning to see that confidence is not a piling up of proof that we can do things, but a letting go of the ideas that we can’t do things.”

    I absolutely agree with this. And I’m coming to realize that my whole confidence issue works in a circle because the more confidence I gain in my ability to do something, the less I care about what that ability means for the world at large. And you’re right about being fully present in the running and how that is natural confidence. I can visualize that feeling I get when I’m running that way but I can’t yet visualize myself writing that way, and that’s something I want to cultivate.

    Thank you, Lorraine, for your always thoughtful and insight comments. I’m so glad you’re here.

    Like

  15. I think that’s a great goal to set for yourself, Janet. If you’ve done lots of 5ks then you should definitely be able to do a 10k. I’m learning the value of long, easy runs to build up an aerobic base. It doesn’t seem that running so slowly could be so helpful but it really does build endurance (or so the coaches tell me). 🙂

    Please keep me posted on when you’re going to run so I can send good vibes your way.

    Like

  16. Glad your ice is going away, Sarah, so that you can run again. I know exercise is so important to you so I wish you many liberating runs in the springtime!

    Thank you for your continued good wishes. I send the same to you.

    Like

  18. “I am so unsporty” That cracked me up, Barb. 🙂

    I did lots of visualizing before I ran the Bolder Boulder last year and I think it helped. I can visualize myself running well but have a harder time doing that with my writing. There’s some blockage there. Ahem.

    Like

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