Have I Got a Story for You

               

There I was in my bra, surrounded by strangers, while a man hit me repeatedly in the head with his hat…

So.

I drove my brother’s pickup to the Rooney Valley Recycling Center to unload the juniper branches and sod I’d removed from my yard. I paid $10 at the gate and the woman told me I needed to separate the materials so she directed me to the very back of the area where there was a huge mound of sod. Right across from it was the enormous pile of branches. She thought it’d be most convenient for me to unload both back there.

I drove past one other truck on my way to the sod mound, weaving around materials piled so high you can’t see anyone or anything else. I parked the truck next to the mound and started grabbing sod and flinging it into the pile. It was a nice morning, not too warm, not too windy. Not bad at all, I thought as I flung a huge piece of sod.

Suddenly an annoying fly was buzzing around my head. Quite aggressively. I told the damned fly to shoo, but then there was another. And another.

Except they weren’t damned flies.
They were damned bees.
A swarm of them.
All around me but especially around my head.

In my hair.

I took off my ball cap and waved it around my head.
Frantically.
As I screamed.

The bees kept buzzing.
My whole head vibrated.

I tried to be calm,
to stand still so they’d leave me alone.

They were too pissed.
I felt a sting.

So I screamed some more
And ran a bit toward the entrance.

The woman from the other truck saw me and yelled, “Run, honey! Run!”

I ran past her and the man with her said for me to run to the shack at the gate.
(Not clear on why I’d want to bring bees to the woman in the shack, but at least it was a plan!)

But before I got there, the woman screamed for me to take off my shirt
because bees were flying out of it.

The woman from the shack came out while the other woman helped me unbutton my shirt.
She shook it out while the man yelled for me to stand still.

Then he hit me in the head with his hat,
over and over.
Really hard.

I was so grateful.

He knocked all but two bees off my head.
I got the second-to-the-last one and the woman brushed off the last.

I was bee-free but full of adrenaline.

And there was my brother’s truck, keys in the ignition,
way back there surrounded by an angry swarm of bees.

The man and woman drove me back there in their truck.
We watched while bees swarmed near the truck and around the stump
that probably held their nest.

The one I’d inadvertently hit with a huge piece of sod.

We strategized.
I walked slowly to the truck, got in the passenger side and slammed the door.
The man slowly walked to the back of my truck, grabbed the broom and rake leaning there,
and threw them in my truck before getting back in his own.

I unloaded the rest of my materials in stump-free areas
and was remarkably calm the entire time, if I do say so myself.

On the drive home, though, a fly buzzed in the truck cab and I panicked.
And screamed.

I’ve got a ways to go before letting go of the bee panic.
But I’d be much worse off without Good Samaritans, Phyllis and Jeff, there to help me.

Next time I go to the drop-off, I think I’ll wear one of these:

                   
                 

22 thoughts on “Have I Got a Story for You

    • I read your comment and then went to read your bee sting story, Amy. That was very scary, but the best possible outcome. Whew.

      Wildebeest has an e-pen, and I keep thinking I’m SO glad he wasn’t with me today. That would be truly horrifying for someone with an allergy.

    • Holy Crap is right! It was surreal not knowing what to do under those circumstances. Get in the truck? Run away? Stop, drop, and roll? Beam me up, Scotty?!

      I’m really fortunate I only got a few stings.

  1. My heart’s pounding after just reading this — I’m so glad you’re okay!! I don’t do well with stinging insects, and I would never have been able to stick around and do anything after that. In fact, I probably would have had to call someone to fetch me…I’m very impressed with how you handled yourself!

    • My heart pounded (and my scalp itched) writing the post. I’m having a hard time getting that sensation out of my mind but I’m so grateful it wasn’t any worse.

      I understand your aversion to stinging insects; lots of people feel that way and even though I’m not one of them, I definitely felt like that today!

      If you’d seen me running and screaming you might not be so impressed. 🙂

  2. OH MY gOD!!!!!!!!!!!! I was assuming you were okay since you were typing this… so I laughed at the idea of you being beaten with a hat, in your bra, by a stranger.. glad everyone is okay!

    Took me 2 days to get rid of the skunk feeling after meeting the trapper, I think the bee thing will take a while!

    • I’m okay, and I’m glad you got a laugh of it. It was truly a strange and guffaw-inducing incident. Not so much for me at the time but if you’d been watching from afar…HA!

      What’s this about a skunk? I’m off to catch up on your blog…

  3. WOW1 That totally has to end up in a book. I am happy you are okay…but you have to put it in a book. So funny. I know it shouldn’t be, but it had a sting (get it) of humor. 😉

    • I was thinking the same thing about the book. I KNOW the exact feelings and sensations of that whole experience (in fact, I can’t shake them off yet).

      It’s definitely funny after the fact. 🙂

    • See? Good thing that happened to me because I don’t have a thing about bees (although I might have one now). I shudder to think how that would’ve affected you. Yikes.

      I’m REALLY glad I had help; that was the worst part of it when it first happened and I was way back there alone, not knowing what to do.

  4. That story scared the bejesus out of me, Tracy!! Glad you came out of it okay but man oh man, what a crazy experience.

    • Put that bejesus back in you, Carolyn! All’s well….

      It was definitely a crazy experience and I’m not liking the painful/itchy welt on my head. But I got off lucky!

  5. This story is hysterical! It’s just so–YOU. Only you would get hit in the head repeated by a stranger (I kept thinking–wow, he must have been quite tall) and ONLY YOU would stay to finish your recycling mission. I’m sure of that.

    Geez, I’m gonna go read that again. It’s just too good….

    • That guy wasn’t just tall, he was strong! Man, he hit me really hard. But I can’t tell you what a relief it was knowing those buggers were getting knocked off me. I held my hands over my glasses so he wouldn’t knock them off, and let him go at it. When they were saying goodbye, he apologized for slapping me to death.

      It’s funny about me finishing the recycling mission; I never contemplated going home with that stuff still in the truck.

      I’m glad I gave you a laugh, Linda. I’m smiling picturing you laughing…

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