Dig Deep!

Just ran my final speed workout before the Bolder Boulder on Memorial Day.  I didn’t want to do it.  But I put on my running togs and drove to the Jeffco Stadium track.

It was chilly.  It was windy.  I was not enthusiastic.  But (there’s that but again) I warmed up and stretched and then started the workout.

Five 1000m (1K) intervals (2.5 laps) at faster than 10K race-pace with 3.5 minutes rest in between.  Oy.

It was really hard work but I did it.  Not only that, but my last two intervals were faster than the third.   And that’s because I dug down deep  and pushed myself to the finish.

Which brings me to the reason for this post. 

As I jogged my cool-down, feeling so proud of myself, I started thinking of all my writer friends who work hard at their craft yet have days when they doubt their abilities to finish a project or question whether they’re producing anything worthwhile or even if they should just call it quits on the whole writing thing. 

Well, I’m here to tell you to complete that poem!  Finish those novel revisions!  Send out that query letter!  Start that chapter book or graphic novel or screenplay or essay, and don’t stop until you have a first draft!

It’s all there inside you.  You have the strength and inspiration and guts needed to get the job done.  So dig deep, believe in yourself, and accomplish whatever it is you want to do!

              

Early Birds

This morning I got up at 4:45 in order to join the local Audubon group for its 27th Annual Spring Bird Count.  I got to where I was supposed to be a couple minutes past 6:00.  A little bleary and slightly anxious since it had rained in the night and I wasn’t able to find my rain pants before I left and had forgotten gloves.  And hadn’t packed a lunch or snacks since I didn’t realize it was a 5-6 hour hike. 

But those worries faded when I met the friendly master birder leader-guy who got very excited when he learned I’d never participated in a bird count before.  He introduced me to the rest of the group, all seasoned birders, and said, “She’s got a good pair of binoculars so she must know what a bird is.”

Gotta love a man who admires your bins.

The birds were singing their little hearts out from the moment we started.  I heard many but cannot yet identify them.  (Maybe

 could give us a tutorial.  Snicker.)

This is a who’s who of what I saw (master birder leader-guy told me up front I might only see a quarter of what the rest of them saw):

  • Say’s Phoebe
  • Cowbirds (in a group of 3-4)
  • Yellow-breasted Chat
  • Kingbird
  • Red-winged Blackbird (many throughout morning, singing a song I know)
  • Red-tailed Hawk in its nest
  • Great Blue Heron (saw three herons or maybe the same one three times)
  • Starlings
  • Robins
  • Flicker

The big excitement happened when one woman announced she’d possibly sighted a Hepatic Tanager which is not usually found in Colorado.  The master birder leader-gal (who is married to the master birder leader-guy) whipped out her walkie talkie to call the other group which was covering a different portion of habitat.  Much activity ensued as we were instructed to call out any details we saw (light bill; red on top of rump; orange-ish underneath rump; etc) as others checked guide books and one man went back to parking lot for his scoping lense and  the other group hurried to join us as  master birder leader-gal called out “Does anyone have a Western Sibley?” (which is the authority in field guides).  It was like an episode of ER except without the blood and guts and blue scrubs.  After a half-hour watching this extremely cooperative bird hop about in plain view from trunk to branch as it caught insects, it was decreed a Summer Tanager.  I gather that’s not quite as exciting as a Hepatic but also rare so will be reported to the rare bird hotline or some such.

Continuing on, I saw:

  • Yellow Warbler
  • Bullock’s Orioles (2 males and 1 female who watched as the males chased each other)
  • Spotted Towhees (2 males carrying nest materials)
  • Yellow-rumped Warbler
  • Song Sparrow (which has one dark spot on its white chest, an identifying feature I think I’ve internalized and will know from now on!)
  • Cowbird (through the scope which was very cool although it would’ve been cooler seeing a cowbird lay its eggs in another bird’s nest)
  • Evening Grosbeaks

About this time the master birder leader-gal said, “There goes an American Finch saying ‘potato chip’ as it flies over head” and as I struggled to hear it she said, “Gone.”

  • Turkey Vulture (although I couldn’t see its red head through my bins)
  • Orange-crowned Warbler (whose orange crown is impossible to see in the field so how they knew that’s what it was is beyond me; something to do with wing bars or something)
  • Long-eared Owl (sitting in nest so that I could only see one ear and the top of its head but it was still a thrill.  Seriously)

Birders are some of the nicest people you’ll meet.  They made sure I saw what they were looking at and answered all my questions and pointed out differences in bird songs (too bad I immediately forgot them and/or confused them with another).  If I hadn’t been so cold and hungry I would’ve stuck around for the whole outing.  As it was, at 9:45 I thanked them for a wonderful morning and headed back to my car. 

Next time I’ll come prepared.  Who knows what they saw after I left?

            

Me and My Notebook

I know it sounds crazy but I’ve never used a spiral notebook for a writing project.  Each book has come out differently: the first was handwritten with a fountain pen on legal pads without any outlining or character sketches that I can remember (which might account for the blithering, blathering, circuitous route I followed before finally calling it finished); the second was outlined in part on a dry erase board and then written longhand and via word processing; the third and fourth were born through notes jotted notes here and there, some in a composition book divided into sections for PLOT and CHARACTER and DIALOGUE, others on loose leaf paper clumped together on a clipboard before getting transferred to a computer file. 

Even though I haven’t finished revising the fourth book and even though I usually don’t move onto a new project until I’ve completed the old (at least a draft), this time I’m doing just that.  I hope it doesn’t mean the death of Book Four but regardless, I’ve been swept away by a new idea ALL of which I’m scribbling in my blue notebook.  Willy nilly.  I’m dating stuff as I write it and do have full pages set aside for character notes but mostly I’m just letting it rip.

Right now I’m having great fun.  And that’s my main concern these days.

                     

Be Afraid! Be Very, Very Afraid!

Today at the spaghetti dinner I had a conversation with a friend whom I admire in many ways.  Big heart.  Lots of energy.  A recognition that BushCo is a trainwreck of an administration.  Well,  I made the mistake of letting my curiosity get the best of me and so finally asked what it was she liked about the candidacy of Hillary Clinton that motivated her to place three Clinton signs in her yard.

"I don’t like him," she said.  "Because he didn’t put his hand on the bible and he doesn’t put his hand over his heart."

I screamed.

It was as if I was in a haunted house and some creepy, crawly creature jumped out at me; I had no control.  I screamed.  Because I was horrified to meet someone up close and in person who couldn’t tell me anything positive about her chosen candidate yet was casting a vote  against the opposition candidate based on media manipulation and lies.  I know plenty of people have done just that in the past seven years or so (for dawg’s sake, 27% still think Bush is doing a heckuva job), but I’ve resigned myself to them being so adamantly ignorant that nothing could blast them into reality.  My solace was that the majority of the population would use its brainpower regarding the upcoming election.  Wrong.

The whole scene got ugly.  Friend got upset.  I was embarrassed to have reacted so vocally and apologized profusely.  But then it got quieter and the conversation continued.  I pointed out Clinton’s vote on the Kyl/Lieberman Amendment which basically lays the groundwork for invading Iran in a repeat of Iraq, and someone else responded with "The U.S. is already the world’s police, so what’s another country?"

I kid you not.

What is there left to say when people put more energy into their ignorance than their awareness? 

After the fact I wondered if maybe I could’ve changed their perspectives if I’d mentioned Clinton’s vote against banning land mines.

Yeah, right.

                          

No worries!

This morning was my longest training run before the Big Race on Memorial Day. We were supposed to run one hour and twenty minutes at an easy pace. I haven’t been running with the group but thought it would be good to join them today because (1) I could finally meet my wonderful coach in person and (2) the group was running on a flat surface which was more appealing than the hilly streets and trails in my neighborhood.

Well, I met my coach and the two of us ran together because I was the only runner assigned to him who showed up. One-on-one!

We chatted and ran. And ran and ran. He kindly waited while I ran down into some bushes off the trail and made my bladder flatter. He gave me tips on stretching. He discussed the pros and cons of drinking coffee before running.  He laughed at my jokes.  He told me about races he’s run and the progress he’s making on painting the exterior of his house.

And then we were done. Nine miles in one hour and twenty-two minutes. You can bet I’ll remind myself of that when I’m slogging through the hated mile 3 of the Big Race.

Bonus: all these endorphins are also giving me good feelings about my WIP and the writing life.  Everything feels bright and shiny right now.

Hope everyone’s having a great weekend.

                 

Look who came to visit!

This is a Spotted Towhee (image found on photobucket). I happened to glance out my window today and saw a bird hopping around my backyard. I grabbed my binoculars but instead of getting overwhelmed the way I usually do as I try to remember every little detail, I recited them aloud: Black head and neck, white chest, white spots on wings, white on tip of tail, red eyes.

Then he flew away. But when I picked up my bird guide and thumbed through, I found a match. And sure enough, the description matched mine.

That, my friends, was a very satisfying birding moment for this bad birdwatcher.

A Book to Change Your Life

My friend once teased that rather than a birder, I was a “ducker” because I was never quick enough to identify birds but could usually, eventually ID a waterfowl as it paddled about. I felt somewhat intimidated by people who knew grosbeaks from finches from sparrows from the multitude of other little brown jobs. No way was I cut out to be a birder.

But somehow in the past year or so I began watching the pigeons that flock near a neighborhood intersection, taking great joy in their synchronized flights and landings. They always made me smile as I sat at the red light. Then I started seeing crows in certain cottonwood trees as I drove Zebu to school each morning, and they made me smile. And then I started watching for birds everywhere I went because I realized birds made me feel good. Calmer and more centered. They give me hope.

Which is what How to Be a (Bad) Birdwatcher by Simon Barnes is all about. Basking in the wonder and delight of birds, and then easing into the understanding of identifying who and what you’re seeing. In the beginning, he warns, you’ll make mistakes. Embrace those errors.

From page 94: “You start by blundering about and making a good few blunders, too. Everybody does. My advice is to carry on blundering in a totally unembarrassed way. The more you look, the more blunders you will make, and the more blunders you make, the more you will see, and you find that slowly a pattern has been building up without you realizing it. This building up of patterns is one of the deeper joys: once you begin to understand the rhythm of birdwatching, you are beginning to understand the rhythm of birds themselves. Which is nothing less than the rhythm of life.”

I happened upon this book in the library and cannot recommend it enough. It’s funny and poignant and life-affirming. The travesty is that the book is out of print. Really, that makes my heart hurt. The good news, though, is there are used copies available. I can’t wait for mine to arrive so that I might read it again, marking the many passages that brought me joy.

Simon Barnes doesn’t go birdwatching. He is birdwatching. And so am I.

Last-Chance Daffodils?

Yesterday was 78 degrees but the weather people said today’s high would be 47 with snow/rain later.  I realized I should get a photo of these brand-new daffodils before the snow got them.  Sure enough, when I was out snapping pics a gust of wind blew in and the snow began to fall.

                
 

Mature Writing Advice

Paging through WRITING IN FLOW by Susan K. Perry, Ph.D., I came across a passage from author Tom Robbins that I’d highlighted (with an ! in the margin) during an earlier reading.  I’m going to share it here not because it’s a practice I share (really!  truly!) but because the whole thing makes me laugh:
 

        “You should spend thirty minutes a day looking at dirty pictures.  Or thinking about sex.  The purpose of this is to get yourself sexually excited, which builds tremendous amounts of energy, and then carry that into your work….Keep yourself in, not necessarily a frenzied state, but in a state of great intensity….You should always write with an erection. Even if you’re a woman.”

Having read his books, this advice shouldn’t surprise me.  In fact, it explains an awful lot about how Sissy Hankshaw came to be. 

And I’m thinking there might be other fun advice out there in LJ-Land on losing yourself so completely in your writing that you enter some altered state in which time disappears and you’re tapping into the creative core of the universe.  

Anyone want to share?
           

                 

Living in Tortured Times

Lost in last Friday’s news dump was the stunning-although-not-surprising admission by George W. Bush that he was not only aware of but approved the meetings held by his top advisers to discuss and approve the CIA’s use of torture.

The president of the United States admitted that his administration violated (and continues to violate) the War Crimes Act and the Geneva Convention.

Apparently just another ho-hum admission by this band of war criminals because where was our “liberal” media? Fanning the flames about “elitist” Barack Obama who rightly pointed out that this country’s poor and disenfranchised feel abandoned by their government. (Does that “elitist” label sound familiar? The media attached that word to Al Gore and John Kerry. Remember what happened to them? And have you noticed Hillary Clinton is now smearing Obama with the same word despite the fact that in 1991 Bill Clinton spoke a similar truth about economically insecure people?)

No wonder the Bush administration does whatever it damn well pleases; the media is like those parents who don’t offer guidance or supervision as their toddlers run wild in public places.  It doesn’t matter how heinous the BuchCo crimes, they’ve learned there’s no accountability. The lapdog talking heads – Russert, Matthews, Stephanopoulos – will avert their gaze and focus instead on how out of touch Obama is because he can’t bowl. Why wouldn’t BushCo strive for the very bottom of the barrel?

I’m horrified to live in a country run by a government that openly admits to torture. I cannot believe we’ve reached this point. As unpleasant as it is to face the ugly facts, it is worse to remain silent on this issue. So I apologize for beginning the week this way but torture isn’t one of those family secrets that can be safely locked away. We need to shed light on this ugliness.

CrooksandLiars.com has joined the ACLU in its call for an independent counsel to investigate BushCo for its complicity in torture.  You may add your name/voice there.

                         

My new best friends

It’s been Robin-Mania around here the past week or so but none of my pics turned out so I borrowed this one from Photobucket. 
Robins are such fun and they make me smile.  Every time.
Wishing all a wonderful weekend.

           

Running Past My Fears

I’ve mentioned the running group I joined in order to train for the Bolder Boulder 10k on Memorial Day.  What I haven’t mentioned is that I’m the oldest in my group.  And the slowest.

We’re grouped according to our race day goals and so even though we all hope to run the 6.2 miles in less than 50 minutes, some of us in the Sub 50 group are more sub than others, if you know what I mean.

We do speed workouts on Tuesday evenings and over the past several weeks I began to lose focus of my personal goals because I was too busy comparing myself to the other runners.  Instead of listening to my body, I was watching everyone else.  In my defense, it’s pretty easy to fall into the comparison trap when you’re continually running behind people.

Epiphany!  I realized just thinking about the Tuesday night training was making me anxious and that I could do some of those speed workouts on my own.  For instance, last week I ran the tempo workout (intervals) on my treadmill at home and was pleased with my performance. 

Tonight’s workout is a three-mile time trial in which we’re supposed to go all out.

Ever since I learned about that time trial, I’ve been a nervous wreck.  Each time I thought of it my heart would race and I’d feel awful.  There was absolutely no way in hell I was going to do that run with the group.  Not only that, I also gave myself permission to skip the run if it was going to cause me too much stress. 

But just in case, I had Zippy use this handy tool to map out a three-mile course on the only two (mostly) flat streets in my neighborhood.

This morning I gave myself a talking-to complete with the declaration that all I really needed to do was run three miles and that it would  just be a bonus if I ran them speedy-quick.   No pressures.

Guess what?  I ran three miles!  Speedy-quick!

Three miles in my time.  Who cares how fast all those young things run tonight?  Not me. 
                                            
                               

Oops, Lou. You just revealed yourself

This short video clip is very enlightening.  Lou Dobbs is pontificating on how our society doesn’t have a problem talking about race but does fear recrimination and distortion of expressed viewpoints.  Lou, the wealthy white man that he is, insists the U.S. is the most progressive and racially diverse country in the world and then mid-rant about Condoleeza Rice and her remark that “race is a birth defect on America,” catches himself using the expression “cotton-picking.”

Now, I’ve heard that expression before.  In fact, my mother used it when I was growing up (“Keep your cotton-picking hands off those cookies”) but I never thought of it in racial terms.  And I don’t think my mom did, either.

But Lou Dobbs obviously correlates “cotton-picking” with black people.  All I can say is that it’s a pretty amazing sight when his brain catches up with his mouth and he realizes he’s just blown an enormous hole in his fatuous argument.

Now can we please put to rest the delusion that this man would make a good president?!

(Note:  I just realized the original video I posted contained inserted commentary so I’ve replaced it with the video clip of the television segment only.)
                  
 

Carrie Jones!

It’s easy to feel cynical about the political process in this country.  Too many corporate special interests, too little humanity.  And that’s why I was so excited to learn Carrie Jones is running for the Maine Legislature.  I’ve never met Carrie but her online presence is full of heart.  She’s smart, funny, and fierce in her convictions, and I wish I could cast a real vote for her.  But because I don’t live in Maine I can only shout my support from Colorado:

                                                                                            

     

Thank you, Carrie, for stepping up on behalf of our democracy.  You give me hope for a brighter future.

                   

Name that Beetle

This little beetle has been roaming my bathroom for the past few days. Caught him here on the rim of the bucket we use for catching water as it warms up. Anyone know what kind of beetle it is? Whatever the name, it’s a beauty.

Agnes and Trout

In which the long-suffering Trout speaks her mind…….

Agnes by Tony Cochran

Ahhh, the joys of no holds barred friendship.

                  

           
                      

%$^&*%#!!!!!!

I had a great post for the first day of spring, complete with many photos but for some bizarre reason even though I resized my photos so they wouldn’t explode off the screen into my friends’ eyes, the images appear enormous and unwieldy and just way too much to inflict on an unsuspecting populace.

So you’ll have to take my word for it that it was really cool. Possibly the best post ever.

Confidence

I’ve set a running goal for myself to place in the top fifteen in my age group this Memorial Day in the Bolder Boulder 10k.  I’m dedicated to making that happen; I participated in a winter training group and am now in a 10k spring training program.  I’m following the weekly workouts.  I have a coach available to answer questions and boost my morale when necessary.  I’m confident I’m going to reach my goal.

And now I’m trying to figure out how this whole confidence thing works.  The good thing about running is the results are objective; the clock doesn’t lie.  So when I’m running intervals until my lungs burn I try to remember that the pain is an investment in my 10k performance, and I push on through.  But it’s more difficult pushing myself in the writing life.  Lately as I work on revisions, it’s easy to falter and second-guess.  I know my writing has improved in the ten-plus years since I began my first novel but instead of measuring up against a stop watch, my performance is evaluated by editors.   So far I haven’t placed, much less in the top fifteen.

My hope is that as I continue to train, getting stronger and faster, my runner’s confidence will overflow into my writing life. 

“If I have lost confidence in myself, I have the universe against me.”
Ralph Waldo Emerson
                            

R’s Gift to Me

Wanted to give an update on the R situation.  He called me last night and apologized (several times) for not answering his phone when I called.  He said he knew that I worried about him and that he should have answered.  He promised to answer from now on and told me he didn’t want to lose me as a friend.

And the best part was he sounded calm.  There have been times in the past when he’s been emotional about something and the panic makes it hard for him to speak.  Last night he was completely in control.

I think we both feel much better.

                

Thanks

Just wanted to let you know how much it meant to me that you not only waded into yesterday’s story about R but took the time to validate my feelings.  It was an emotional rollercoaster as I imagined him dead in his house and then discovered he was still alive and angry as ever.  

Life is one crazy ride but it’s a helluva lot easier with people like you alongside me.  Thank you so much for sharing your hearts.

                 

Waste-Not Wednesday: Personal Energy

Okay, this isn’t my typical environmental tip for helping out the planet.  Instead, it’s a reminder to myself not to expend energy on people who don’t want/need my help.

I met and befriended an elderly man, R, who comes to the spaghetti dinner I help with each Monday.  He’s in his late seventies and lives alone in the house he shared with his parents until they died.  R is a hoarder and won’t let me into his house.  Over the past couple years I’ve arranged for plumbers to go to his house to make repairs and they were so upset about his living conditions they called me back and begged me to call social services.  I didn’t because I knew any intervention would send R into a panic.  He’d rather live the way he is than have anyone interfere with his independence.  I’ve tried hard to respect his decisions.

I last saw R a month ago when he came to the dinner and told me about his health problems.  R is frighteningly thin and in very poor health but refuses my offers to take him to the doctor.  He refused again that night, and I had to respect his decision.  Over the next several weeks, I called his home but never got an answer.  Since R doesn’t spend much time at home (it makes him anxious so he takes the bus downtown and doesn’t return until the night), I convinced myself he wasn’t home when I called and that nothing was wrong.

This morning the director of the spaghetti dinner let me know other people were starting to worry about R, too, and that maybe we should drive over there since he hadn’t shown up on Monday.  I said I’d take care of it.  I called R’s house about ten times throughout the morning but he never answered.  

I told myself I should drive over there but I couldn’t bear to discover my worst fear.

Instead, I called the police.  Ten minutes later the officer called me back to tell me R was in his house, angry about the police being there, and would I please come down.

I drove to R’s house where R berated me, over and over, for calling the police.  Over and over I explained my worry, the worry of other volunteers, and apologized for frightening him. 

Still, R thought it was necessary to start in on me one more time.  This time I cut him short.  I said, “I told you I was worried, I told you I was sorry, and I told you it wouldn’t happen again.”  I also said I hoped he felt better, and then got in my car and drove away.

We all make choices. I’ve made mine and R has made his, and now that he’s been crystal clear about my role in his choices, I know what I’ll choose in the future. 

I’m smart enough to know that choice won’t be any easier, though.

                                

Friday Feel-Goods

1)  Yesterday I sent a letter to the editor in support of paper ballots and hand-counts.  Today the Denver Post published my letter but edited out several key sentences (my letter was over the word count).  I called the letters editor to let him know I was unhappy with what he cut and that I would’ve preferred cutting the letter myself.  He offered his direct email address for submitting future letters and said he’d let me see edits before publishing my letters.  Then a couple minutes later I received an email from him letting me know that he’d restored my letter in its entirety for the newspaper’s online version.  Plus he let me know he’d like more letters from me regarding verifiable voting because it was an important issue, one of great concern to the Post.  I’m so glad I took the time to call.

2)  Today is sunny and warm.  For the first time in forever, I’m going out on the trails to run.  It might be muddy in places but I’m willing to risk running in 15-pound shoes just to get off the streets and into the open space.

3)  Revisions are moving slowly on my middle-grade but I’m making progress.  I’ve read the opening pages about a billion times and whenever I read a certain line on page four, I crack up.  I might be the only one who thinks it’s funny but for the time being, I consider it a good sign.

4)  My shoulder and back muscles are sore because last night I did circuit training for the first time in about three weeks.  Sore is good because it reminds me I did all those push-ups.

5)  Wildebeest wasn’t turning in assignments so now has to have a weekly progress report signed by all teachers.  Last night he checked the online portal to make sure he had everything done but discovered a science assignment incorrectly marked “missing.”  He immediately wrote a note to himself and stapled it to the blank progress report so he’d remember to straighten out the no-name mix-up with his teacher.  Believe me, that’s a big WOW coming from him.

Here’s wishing lots of feel-good moments for everyone this weekend.

                 

On basketball and writing

Zebu and I have a lot in common these days.  After years of playing on the same rec league team, he’s now playing on two competitive basketball teams (I know, Basketball R Us).  And for the first time, he’s not a starter; he’s the last or second-to-last kid rotated into games.  Two nights ago I watched him matched up beneath the net with a kid about six inches taller and twenty pounds heavier, and had tears in my eyes.   Zebu was working hard for position, knowing if he messed up, the coach might pull him out and make him watch the action from the bench.

And as I sat there fighting the tears, I realized I was weepy for both of us; Zebu’s been working hard to prove himself to his coaches and I’m trying to produce a book an editor will fall in love with and buy.  

There have been some low moments over the past few months.  We have both cried.

Last night Zebu played in a championship game.  He played well.  He showed his coaches what he was capable of and played an important role in the team’s victory.  Zebu went to bed with a smile on his face.

So today I’m going to keep revising my novel, pushing back against the outside forces trying to knock me out of position and throw me off my game.  And if need be, I won’t hesitate to throw an elbow.

                

Friday Five

I’ve never done one of these posts but

1)  since my head continues to feel like a mucus-filled sponge

2)  and I still can’t concentrate on my WIP despite the appalling lack of progress because of the aforementioned mucus

3)  not to mention the fact that the refurbished Dell laptop I bought eight months ago on ebay died a quiet death on Wednesday

4)  which, by the way, is starting to feel like a sign from the universe to cut out my time-wasting Solitaire addiction already,

5)  I’m stopping by to wish everyone a wonderful weekend complete with clear lungs and pristine nasal passages.