I’m always grateful for this kind and generous community.
Today, however, I am exceedingly grateful.
And I offer this dapper little Western Scrub-Jay as a token of my gratitude.
© 2010 Tracy Abell
Many brave writers are stepping up to share their stories of being bullied.
I’ve tried but cannot read those accounts because they are too raw and painful.
They reveal in excruciating detail the many ways that humans can hurt one another.
There’s one other reason I cannot bear to read those stories: I was once a bully.
That mean girl you remember? Me.
I’m deeply ashamed to admit that when I was in sixth-grade, I bullied another girl.
I was horrible and cruel, and made that girl feel so bad she stayed home from school.
I have no explanation or excuse for my behavior, and I’ll forever regret my actions.
I apologized and tried to make amends, but there’s no way to completely erase the hurt.
I did damage that can never be repaired.
For all of you who were bullied, I wish I could stand alongside your younger selves,
and fight off the likes of me.
And to R., again, I am so very, very sorry.
A little reminder to me and anyone else who spends too much time
worrying that something said or written might have been misconstrued:
AGNES by Tony Cochran
Trout does make an excellent point.
And I’m going to try hard to remember this.
I’m about 110 pages into my revision,
and am officially in love with this story.
Often when writers love their projects,
they go into some euphoric state in which they crank out words and revise like mad.
I’m not that kind of writer.
For the past week or so, I’ve been fine-tuning a couple chapters
in order to strike the perfect emotional balance.
These chapters are pivotal and are very different from the original,
so I’m charting new territory here.
I told Zippy it’s as if I’m sneaking up on my story,
getting one part "just right," and then tiptoeing up to the next moment
that needs to be just right.
Lots of times I stop at the point of decision, and do something else.
Nap, work on a crossword puzzle, watch birds. Watch clouds.
That break gives my middle mind a chance to do its thing,
so that when I get back to it, I know how to strike the emotional balance.
Revision truly is a thing of beauty.
(Crocus from my front yard) © 2010 Tracy Abell
1) While it’s good to have teen sons responsible for the weekly cleaning of their bathroom,
2) it’s probably best to now and again check on the actual "cleanliness" of said room
3) because those little microorganisms can gain an astoundingly tenacious foothold on all surfaces
4) and you will need a strong stomach plus a haz-mat suit to battle them
5) but as long as you have Jimi Hendrix on the boombox, you will PREVAIL.
Wishing everyone a happy weekend (and depending on your mental state, you may or may not want to check the kids’ bathroom).
You want to know a really fun way to avoid your revisions?
Play with the exposure settings on your photo software!
© 2010 Tracy Abell
Come on, fellow procrastinators, you know you want to…
Okay, so this doesn’t fall in the environmental tips category,
but this post is not only a reminder to myself but also a way to hold myself accountable.
My kids in Florida PLUS my mate at the office EQUALS writing opportunity.
I have revisions to complete, darn it.
So I am not going to waste this opportunity for making headway on CLOSE TO HOME.
If you see me around the LJ-playground, please send me back to my pages.
But hopefully you’re seizing your own writing opportunities,
and wouldn’t notice even if I started hooping next to you.
Here’s to us accomplishing a whole mess of literary feats today!
I’ve written about the phenomenon of Northern Flickers pounding their beaks on my rain gutters.
I’ve even publicly begged their mercy since that rat-a-tat-tat makes me jump out of my proverbial skin.
Especially the metallic rat-a-tat-tat of beak on aluminum.
But the flickers ignore my feelings and persist in their rhythmic assault on my nervous system.
So I chase them away, questioning their sanity and intelligence.
There was one brief moment when I considered letting my enormous cat loose on the roof
(totally Zippy’s idea), but I refrained.
Then the other day I received an email from my friends at Wild Birds Unlimited.
And guess what?
Northern Flickers don’t pound on metal surfaces because they’re nuts.
Northern Flickers pound on those surfaces because they’re looking for love!
At least, that’s how the males go about it.
They create those loud sounds to let the females know they’re available, and to drive away other males.
(On the other hand, a slow, methodical tapping is bad news because they’re probably making a nesting hole in your wood siding).
© 2010 Tracy Abell
Anyway, that little piece of information has made a huge difference in how I handle those sudden bursts of noise.
I still don’t like it but whenever I hear it, I imagine this dude (except an actual male since I just realized this is a female!) using his beautiful, sturdy beak to find some companionship.
Call me insane, but I think that’s kind of romantic.
This morning I took Wildebeest and Zebu to the airport
and left them at the curb.
They wanted to navigate DIA on their own as they head
to Florida to visit their grandma (my mother) for spring break.
They should be landing in another twenty minutes or so.
When this photo was taken in southern Colorado on spring break in 2000,
I don’t think I could even imagine the day when they’d travel alone.
They will definitely experience higher temps in Florida than we had in 2000,
and I’m almost positive Wildebeest will be in a better frame of mind.
1) One of the very best ways to strengthen a relationship is to share some laughter. And maybe a beer or two.
2) You should floss only the teeth you want to keep.
3) In order to maintain yoga focus, it’s best to first intervene with the flicker that’s drumming his sturdy beak against the aluminum rain gutter.
4) The best kind of pen to write with is the one you actually pick up and use.
5) I know you are, but what am I?
Wishing everyone a glorious weekend filled with thoughts that come from the deeper end of the pool than these!
© 2010 Tracy Abell
As I searched for photos to use in this week’s birthday tribute to my big brother,
I came across all sorts of other fun childhood photos.
Exhibit A:
So, today I am thankful for:
My little brother, Stephen,
who was a good sport and not only played dress-up with me
but also mugged for the camera
and made me laugh,
and, perhaps most importantly,
helped me refine my daring fashion sense.
Just over 24 hours ago I was laughing about the obviously silly weather forecast.
Well, not only did we get a foot of snow,
we got another six inches or so for good measure.
And it’s HEAVY.
(Photo by Wildebeest)
Guess someone didn’t get the memo about it being spring.
Sheesh.
Today is my brother’s 50th birthday.
He was my best friend when we were little.
We sledded together, whooping each time we went over one of our jumps and got air.
We crawled on our bellies in the woods, wearing ammo pouches sewn by our sister and clutching guns made of scrap wood.
We swam in the lake for hours at a time, bouncing on a tractor inner tube and playing tag along the shore.
We filled the horse trough with cold spring water and used his stopwatch to see who could sit submerged the longest.
We paddled his canoe along the shoreline and encountered the biggest, scariest carp in the history of the world.
We slept outside in the tent (until the screech owl started screeching).
I had a fearlessness back then,
and I definitely reveled in the moment.
Due in large part to my brother.
Thanks for always pushing me to jump and climb higher and reach farther, Peter.
I cherish our memories, and you.
Wishing you a coming year filled with joy and love and loads of laughter.
Happy birthday, big brother.
Seeing as the forecast is calling for a foot of snow,
and seeing as there’s lots of blue sky and sunshine outside,
this strip feels apt.
AGNES by Tony Cochran
I guess these wildly fluctuating weather forecasts are just another sign of spring.
I’ve revised about two-thirds of my manuscript
and when I met with Claudia last week,
she cautioned me that in the final third
I must deliver on the tension developed thus far.
She’s right, of course.
But when you’ve ripped up your story’s floorboards
and knocked down a bunch of its walls,
it’s a bit overwhelming to figure out how to construct the remaining pieces.
Especially when you’re not entirely sure what pieces will be there.
But Claudia has a great method for writing the second half of your book:
Go back to the first half to see what’s there,and then use those elements in the latter part.
Stuff like:
These final chapters will require lots of new writing,
but at this point I’m only taking notes.
Lots of notes.
My middle mind had me include those elements for a reason,
and I trust that in time I will see how to construct a satisfying ending.
But sometimes you have to look back in order to move ahead.
Today’s games and results did serious damage to my brackets.
That bums me out a bit.
But I can’t hold a grudge against Washington for sticking it to New Mexico.
Out of all the games I’ve watched over the past three days
(and I’ve watched LOTS),
I’m most impressed with Washington.
I’m going to make a crazy prediction:
The Washington Huskies are going to the finals.
Last week’s Friday Five with Marilynne Robinson went over well
so I thought I’d share some more insights from her scary-smart mind:
1) Be aware of the effect metaphor has on other metaphors. Rather than writing your story as "beads on a string," view it as a resonating chamber in which all pieces must be affected by whatever else is vibrating.
2) If you write with a public in mind, you’re dead.
3) When you’re writing something and encounter great difficulty, don’t be discouraged. You can’t write good fiction if you feel you already know everything about what you’re writing. Stumble on something? It means it’s a legitimate question. Set it aside and let your mind do the work. Don’t have to flail away until you find a "solution." Don’t force the issue by using your Front Office Mind.
4) Your Front Office Mind is how you operate on a daily basis (getting rid of telemarketers, making appointments, etc.) The Front Office Mind is not the mind you use when you write. The other mind, the middle mind, is where all the work is done; it’s been thinking about things for a very long time, waiting for you to ask.
5) Short story has a responsibility to itself: the posing of a question that somehow answers itself.
Bonus gem: Pay attention to when you’re writing well so that it’s easier to fall back into that mode the next time.
I’m back home after my fourth meeting
with my mentor, Claudia Mills.
And I just want to say,
if you ever have the opportunity to participate
in a SCBWI-sponsored mentor program,
do it!
Claudia isn’t just an ace at pacing and tension,
unafraid to tell me when I’ve struck the wrong note,
but also a mentor who is generous with her praise.
I practically float home after sessions with her.
She not only makes me feel good about what I’ve accomplished
but also fills me with a steely determination to meet her expections.
I never, ever want her to regret the compliments she’s given me and my writing.
And because so much of this journey is spent alone, in my head,
I’m going to be bold and link to Claudia’s blog post from today
in which she said insanely nice things about my writing.
You know, for those days when I’m feeling delusional.
Check out your local SCBWI chapter to see if you have a mentor program.
If not, maybe you can get one started.
Because every writer needs a Claudia in her corner.
However….
Smart women believe in hard work with a dash of good fortune.
Wishing everyone a happy, fortune-filled St. Patrick’s Day!
My revisions are due to Claudia in two days
and I’ve still got lots to do.
I’m cutting some stuff I hope to use later,
adding new material to make the story flow,
and moving scenes around.
Claudia said during our last meeting,
"I think I’m better at structure [than you]."
I had to laugh because this revision process
has proved something I already suspected:
while I’m a very good writer (meaning, I use words well),
I have to work harder to be a good storyteller.
I have to consciously think about structure and pace
so that I do my characters justice in the way I let their stories unfold.
However.
I am learning.
All this work with Claudia is helping me think
about my writing in a whole new way,
and I’m confident the lessons I’m learning while
revising CLOSE TO HOME
are lessons I will carry with me on every book to come.
And that’s what being a writer is all about:
bringing your always-improving game with you to each and every story.
Anyone else struggling with the time change this morning?
Zippy thought all my writer friends would appreciate this:
MUTTS by Patrick McDonnell
Thank you for the Squirrel Love virtual gift
I received this morning.
I do love squirrels and enjoy squirrel antics.
However, anonymous gifts make me nervous
and I’d really like to know who I’m thanking.
© 2010 Tracy Abell
So ‘fess up, okay?
In May-June of 2003, I had the great good fortune to study with Marilynne Robinson for three weeks at the Iowa Writers’ Workshop.
Here are some gems from Marilynne:
1) If you have any luck at all, when you sit down to write you won’t end up writing what you intended at all.
2) You can’t find a story without writing it all out (don’t focus on page limits or word count).
3) Don’t be loyal to the investment you’ve made in a weak scene instead of loyal to the scene itself. Does it deserve to die? If so, then kill it, no matter how long you’ve sweated over it.
4) A character shouldn’t look like a type but a personality.
5) The tension in a piece of fiction is not how it ends but how it arrives at its ending.
Bonus Gem: You should always keep something in front of the reader’s eye; it’s like leading a blind person through the reader’s house.
Glenn Beck is after YOU!
Really.
He is.
Don’t believe me?
If you’re on Facebook, you can go here to see for yourself.
Tracy Abell 