photos

One Novel Idea

/ Tracy Abell

Looking at photos on the computer, I came across this:

(I can't find photographer's name)

This picture is in my bedroom. I bought the print when I was pregnant with Wildebeest because of the Kurt Vonnegut quote from God Bless You, Mr. Rosewater.**

One night while we were reading in bed, I mentioned to Zippy that I needed a new writing project. He pointed across the room and suggested I write the story of those five babies.
I did, and it became Framed: Toby Hart’s Official Police Statement. (In the second draft or so of the middle-grade novel, I had to kill off one of the kids. Well, not bump her off, but delete her storyline. Oddly enough, it was the baby who is front and center.)

The book didn’t sell and I have a bunch of notes on how to rewrite it, but in the meantime, despite the rejection, the babies and I share a kind coexistence. Kurt would want it that way.

** Full quote:
“Hello, babies. Welcome to Earth.
It’s hot in the summer and cold in the winter. It’s round and wet and crowded.
At the outside, babies, you’ve got about a hundred years here.
There’s only one rule that I know of, babies—God damn it, you’ve got to be kind.”
~ Kurt Vonnegut, Jr.

Friday Five: The TracyWorld Edition

/ Tracy Abell

1) While much of Bob Dylan’s HIGHWAY 61 REVISITED is good music to run to, Ballad of a Thin Man is not a song that will put pep in your step.

2) Zebu is binge-watching all six seasons of LOST (and luring me in from time to time), and what pops into my head at least once per viewing is How are none of these people badly burned and peeling?! Yo, Dharma Initiative, you remembered the lima beans but forgot the sunblock!

3) I want to live in a world in which cookies and beer have no caloric consequences.

4) I have SO. MANY. PHOTOS on my computer that haven’t seen the light of day, so here’s a random selection (capture of a Red-Tailed Hawk eyass from the Cornell Labs cam a couple years ago):Capture

5) I recently read T.C. Boyle’s WATER MUSIC and Zadie Smith’s ON BEAUTY (part of this effort), and am trying hard to be inspired by their prowess for description rather than allowing their mad skills to intimidate me so much I take a match to my manuscript.

Putting You On Notice, 2014

/ Tracy Abell / 4 Comments

Still here.
It’s been a crap year so far,
and I’m trying hard not to hold it against 2014.

(If you click on me, I will fill your screen with yellowy-goodness!)

(If you click on me, I will fill your screen with yellowy-goodness!)

There’s still almost half a calendar year left, so there’s time to turn this ship around.
You hear what I’m saying, 2014?

A Big Long Story About an Incredibly Evil Splinter

/ Tracy Abell / 6 Comments

Two weeks ago I did something ill-advised, something I knew better than to do. Two weeks ago, I got tired of seeing one of my gigantic yarrow plants (5+ feet tall) crowding out one of my blue mist spirea plants (maybe 2 feet tall). So I grabbed my cutter and went out to trim back the yarrow. Dumb, dumb, dumb! Yarrow plants have the toughest, woodiest stems of any plant in my yard, and I know better than to touch it without gloves.

Sure enough, I managed to impale the middle knuckle of my right hand on old growth from last year. Instant agony. Stream of profanity. Regret, pain, and nearly instantaneous swelling.

I dug out a splinter and waited for the injury to resolve itself. Instead, it swelled more, became more painful (possibly due to me knocking it into everything), and turned into a fleshy mood-ring that alternated between pink and angry red and blue and purple and, oh-my-goddess-now-it’s-starting-to-look-black.

Imagine this is my knuckle, minus the lovely silver setting.

Imagine this is my knuckle, minus the lovely silver setting.

I hung in there until this past Saturday when pus showed up, and I finally went to the doctor. With the use of groovy magnifying goggles and the finest pair of tweezers I’ve seen, she removed a splinter and gave me a prescription for antibiotics. Five days later, the mood ring was as angry as ever and the knuckle was so sore I nearly wept whenever anything touched it.

So yesterday after swallowing the last antibiotic pill, I returned to the doctor’s office where she donned the goggles again and poked at me with the sharp tweezers I wasn’t liking nearly as much, until she found a small splinter. Hooray. Not. I was sure I was in for weeks of tiny splinter removal as the cursed yarrow worked its multiple evils out of my flesh. Then she started digging some more as I gritted my teeth and curled my toes. A long moment later, she said, “Here’s one.” Another tiny piece stuck up from my knuckle. Hooray? And then she grasped it with the tweezers, and it was like a magician pulling a scarf from a sleeve.

One half-inch long.Tracy's splinterI realize the gargantuan image is overkill, but I cannot stress enough how freakin’ huge that thing seemed when she pulled it out. We both made loud exclamations of the “Holy crap, Batman!” variety.

Last night for the first time in weeks my poor old knuckle wasn’t stiff and sore, and today I can make a fist without any pain. I can start lifting weights again! I can punch someone in the snoot without feeling (much) pain! I’ve got my life back!

Life is grand and I wish everyone a wonderful, splinter-free weekend!

In My Head and Out My Window

/ Tracy Abell / 4 Comments

I’m drafting a scene in my YA,
slightly confused about the sequence of events.
Then thunder rumbling in the distance brought me to the window
and I found reassurance in the sky; there’s confusion up there, too.
Clouds 001Me and the sky, just two peas in a pod.

 

Backyard Photographic Safari

/ Tracy Abell

We just had a gentle rainfall and then the sun came out
so I ventured into the backyard with my camera,
searching for some images.

Here’s the untouched documentation (you may click photos to enlarge):

Bumblebee and Lamb's Ear

Bumblebee and Lamb’s Ear

Valerian and Moonshine Yarrow

Valerian and Moonshine Yarrow

Wild Rose

Wild Rose

Apache Plume

Apache Plume

When we try to pick out anything by itself, we find it hitched to everything
else in the universe.  ~  John Muir 

Twofer Tuesday: The Woodpecker Edition

/ Tracy Abell / 7 Comments

Glanced out my window to see a dark shape at the suet feeder, and assumed it was a grackle. Instead, it was a bird I’d never seen before: a Lewis’s Woodpecker.

Here’s the one photo I snapped before s/he flew across the yard:
Lewis's Woodpecker 001I ran to the other end of the house and took this photo from my standing-desk window:

Lewis's Woodpecker 020Such a delightful start to this day. As Tom Robbins wrote in Still Life with Woodpecker: “It’s never too late to have a happy childhood.”

Ruminating on Interspecies Love

/ Tracy Abell

Is it possible,
do you think?
For a squirrel
to fall in love with a cat?
Squirrel courting cats 013To pose and perform?
To entice rather than tease?Squirrel courting cats 014Is it possible,
do you think?
For one cat to writhe in response
while the other watches dispassionately?Loki and Marcel 020Is it possible,
do you think?
To guess who writhed
and who yawned?

 

Running Wild, Running Free

/ Tracy Abell / 7 Comments

The last time I went for a run was 81 days ago. Today, with the full blessing of my physical therapist, I ran again.

It’s been a hard bunch of months around here as I went from being someone who did yoga almost every morning plus ran a couple times per week plus lifted weights three times per week plus sneaking in a hooping session or two, to a woman who couldn’t do much of anything.

How did that happen? It was the strangest thing but apparently my old gluteal muscle aka left butt cheek issue didn’t like how I ignored it and let it get tighter and tighter, and so triggered other tight points in my body which culminated in my back getting so tight and painful that it hurt to move. I literally went from being able to put my palms flat on the floor to the next day not being able to reach much past my knees. It was bizarre.

Depression ensued. As did loss of muscle and weight gain. Many tears were shed as I wallowed in what I was afraid would be a permanent condition. I went on my first job interview in about twenty years (with the hope I’d be better by the time the job started) and was hired to work at the library, but ended up having to tell them I couldn’t take the position due to my physical limitations. I never, ever would’ve guessed I’d have to turn down a job for that reason, and it was humbling.

But my physical therapist and I persevered, and then I started getting massages from a genius therapist who focused on trigger points which then allowed me to do more of the stretching and strengthening exercises without pain. We saw light at the end of the tunnel.

Today I came out of that tunnel. I walked for ten minutes then ran (slowly) for fifteen minutes then walked another ten, ran another fifteen, and walked ten more minutes for a whopping total of 60 minutes of exercise! All I’ve done over the last several months was walk for about thirty minutes at a time, and when I walked home this afternoon I wept tears of gratitude and happiness and oh-my-goddess-I’ve-missed-running-so-very-much-tears.

I’d left a note for Zebu letting him know when I took off and when to expect me home, asking him to drive up the street to find me if I hadn’t returned by then. Just as I walked into the driveway, the garage door went up. There was my son, the one who’s been so sad on my behalf as I struggled to regain my mobility, getting ready to come haul his sad mama home. He smiled when he saw me there and his smile got bigger when I told him I felt great.

Here I am, fresh out of the shower, so very happy to be back:Tracy after run on April 9 2014 (for blog post)

 

Facing Reality Bites

/ Tracy Abell / 14 Comments

I submitted the middle-grade of my heart to an editor who was at our local conference last fall and haven’t heard a peep. I just went to my sub timeline and marked it as a No Response = PASS submission.

Closure is good. Not always painless, but still, a good and necessary perspective.baby finch 008

Writing Through the Distractions

/ Tracy Abell / 6 Comments

It’s slow-going on my YA, but I’m making progress despite the usual distractions:

  • books I want to read
  • food that may or may not be in the refrigerator so let’s take a look, shall we?
  • the internets and its many permutations
  • bird action at the feeder and/or bath
  • that patch of sunlight calling for me to come take a nap
  • etc., etc.

All that’s hard enough, but now I have these lovable cats in the house and they demand my attention.Loki and Marcel 002A few minutes ago I was working on my manuscript as Marcel sat in the window behind me, looking at birds and making that funny chuckling sound cats make when they see something they’d like to de-feather, but I was stoic and blocked out his bizarre noises to keep writing. Until, that is, he climbed over my shoulder and down onto my chest where he curled up and aimed his big goofy eyes at me. Really, I’m supposed to have the willpower to ignore such overt emotional manipulation?

And how about his brother Loki who has no respect for my writing boundaries or, for that matter, any boundary?Loki in dishwasher

Loki in dishwasher 2

Maybe I’m supposed to treat him like a Muse?

Thankful Thursday: The Happiness Edition

/ Tracy Abell / 4 Comments

Yesterday was tough for a variety of reasons, but I didn’t realize how much of a toll it was taking until late last night when I was practically giddy with happiness. What happened?  

I received a follow-up phone call from Wildebeest who earlier in the day had expressed major angst and panic about a college assignment. He called back to explain how he’d managed to turn SS Catastrophe around and emerge victorious. As we talked, Wildebeest’s insights into his earlier behaviors and reactions, and my efforts to disengage from his panic, made me feel as if a heavy weight had been lifted. It was one of those Gold Star Parenting Moments.

Right after that call Zippy and I went to the high school to watch Zebu play his last home basketball game. He’s a senior this year and it’s been a disappointing season for him. He was seriously injured during a pre-season conditioning workout and ended up in the hospital for three days with a lacerated liver, and then couldn’t play for eight weeks. By the time he came back, his confidence was low and he never really hit his stride. But I’ve been mightily impressed with how he’s carried himself throughout those disappointments, and so was especially thrilled for him last night when he played his best game of the year. Talking with a relaxed and happy post-game Zebu felt like an absolute gift.

So that’s how my emotionally difficult day ended on a giddy note. As we got ready for bed, I repeatedly told Zippy how much better I felt; I was like an awestruck little kid taking out a shiny new toy to inspect over and over. I couldn’t stop staring at the Happy.

We all make our own happiness in this life, I can’t create it for my children and they aren’t responsible for mine, but it sure feels good when those positive feelings overlap and we’re all basking in the glow.

Batman session 2 001

 

We Laughed and You Rolled Up Your Sleeves

/ Tracy Abell

Just received some news from a friend. Her email got me thinking of the day I ran down the battery on my hybrid vehicle and how my friend was more than willing to get under the hood, uh, trunk, to set things right again.DSC00491

You can do this, sister. But just in case you forget, I got your back.

Z-Mobile

/ Tracy Abell

I really like Zebu’s physics class work-in-progress, but the kitchen probably isn’t the most sensible place to create a mobile.Harlan's mobile 001However, we’re all adapting.

Zippy made a delicious pot of soup despite the influence of those stinky shoes, and Loki seems content to stroll beneath the teetering creation. So I guess it’s my issue if I smack my head on one of the poles.

Family Additions

/ Tracy Abell / 8 Comments

Our hearts broke when we had to say goodbye to Lebowski and his awesome dudeness, and I can still close my eyes and feel the purring weight of him on my outstretched hand. Lebowski and his energy were unique, yet that energy was a subset of Feline Energy, and after he was gone I didn’t just miss him, but also the energy that only comes from cats.

Please welcome Loki:

The consummate trickster.

The consummate trickster.

and his brother Marcel:

"Give me a thick rubber band and I'm a happy guy."

“Give me a thick rubber band and I’m a happy guy.”

They are wonderful cats and I look forward to sharing their escapades, but for now here’s a major insight: A benefit to having one all-black and one all-white cat is that the high contrast makes it easy to see who’s doing what during wrestling matches:

Marcel bunny-punching Loki's head.

Marcel bunny-punching Loki’s head.

 

Life: It’s Always a Matter of Perspective

/ Tracy Abell / 2 Comments

I’d forgotten that these photos from a couple weeks ago were on the camera and when I looked at them just now, I realized they held an important reminder for me.

When life feels crazy and overwhelming, I often only see what’s right there in front of me017

but when I can take a breath and take a step back, I get a better sense of what’s going on.023

Which means that when I take another few steps back, I see even more of the big picture.021

Breathing is good. Stepping back is good. And, by golly, every single day has its moments of good.

My Insides Match My Outsides

/ Tracy Abell / 6 Comments

For the past several days I’ve been working on the first 90 pages of my YA, zooming in on one particular relationship between two characters. I first went through the pages and highlighted every interaction between them in yellow. Then I went back to the beginning, highlighting in red the words I want to delete and using green highlights for the new words I added. It’s been a slow process but I feel as if finally, finally these characters are unfolding at the right pace and that I’m avoiding the dreaded Emotional Ping-Pong (something that was rampant in a YA I read over the weekend).

So imagine my delight when a few minutes ago I opened my computer to resume work on my project and I realized the screen mirrored the glorious colors outside.More fall leaves and computer screen 001

Nature always wears the colors of the spirit.  ~ Ralph Waldo Emerson