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Give Up the Funk

/ Tracy Abell / 22 Comments

It’s been one of those weeks.
A week-long funk.
Yesterday I felt crushed under the weight of it all.
But I forced myself to spin my hoop
while Zippy did his treadmill workout.
As we twirled and walked, we listened to an album that came out 25 years ago.
Yikes. 

And I thought about where I was 25 years ago.
I remembered listening to that album (tape) in my car during lunch hour
when I worked for Giant Turd Enterprise (GTE).
I’d eat my fish sandwich from McDonald’s
and think about, well, I don’t remember what I thought about.
Probably not much.
Maybe I thought about the sweltering parking lot and
how my boss was the world’s biggest asshat.
Or that maybe the next day I should pack a lunch.

Fast forward to this week
in which I’ve had feelings of being that gerbil in a wheel,
always running and moving,
but never getting ahead.

It’s no fun feeling that way.
It crushes your spirit.

So I say to myself:
Tracy, you have made progress.
For one, you’re no longer spending time in a paint-peeling ’64 Ford Falcon Sprint,
sweating and ingesting questionable food.
And you don’t have to answer to that horrible boss-man ever again.

So.

Give up the funk, Tracy.

               

Take Your Zebu to Work Day

/ Tracy Abell / 15 Comments

This morning Zippy and Zebu headed downtown to Zippy’s office.
It’s Take Your Child to Work Day.

Zippy is an engineer.
Zippy is currently employed by a company that filed for bankruptcy.
Zippy doesn’t have a whole lot of work going on right now.
Zippy is terribly worried Zebu will think engineering work is boring.
I’m terribly worried Zebu will think engineering work isn’t boring.
(Just kidding!  Well, kinda . . .)

Still, Zebu chose to accompany his father rather than his mother to work.

Could it be because Zebu already knows
my work involves multiple trips to the kitchen to see if something tasty showed up since I last checked?
Did Zebu avoid my workplace because he knows  
I’m likely to spend considerable time pacing the room, talking to myself?
Or could it be Zebu is avoiding me and my work because
yesterday as I sat writing in front of the window a turkey vulture circled my house?
( assures me the vulture was only there to carry off dead words, but it’s still worrisome.)

Either way, I was left alone to contemplate my career choice.
I’ve gotta say, no matter how tough this road to publication,
I’ve never, ever contemplated being an engineer.

And that’s okay.

             

Procrastination, Nevermore

/ Tracy Abell / 6 Comments

Okay, so it’s a grackle rather than a raven.
And I’m no Poe.

Nonetheless.

I hereby pledge to tackle my revisions today.
I pledge to crack the characterization/plotting code
that has stymied me these past weeks and fueled my ongoing procrastination.

I will prevail.

My feathered friend assures me this is so.  


                    

Accountability

/ Tracy Abell

I hesitate to write this because torture is ugly and scary.
It turns our stomachs.
Torture is something we’d like to pretend doesn’t exist.

Unfortunately, torture does exist.
Last week we learned the CIA waterboarded two detainees a total of 266 times.
In one month.
Waterboarded 266 times.

President Obama did the right thing by releasing the secret torture memos.
But then he said there would be no prosecution of those involved.

I understand the political risks Obama took in releasing those memos.
He faced huge opposition from the CIA and others in the "intelligence community,"
and acted courageously.
In this instance.

But now we need to help him be courageous again.
We need to give him political cover.
We must create a public outcry demanding prosecution
of those who sanctioned and performed torture.

Please, take one minute of your time to sign this petition to Attorney General Eric Holder
asking him to appoint a special prosecutor.

One minute of your time.

If you need a more eloquent argument for accountability, please watch this (h/t  ):

Thank you.

       

Tortured Relief

/ Tracy Abell / 11 Comments

The Obama administration is doing the right thing and later today will release the Bush/Cheney secret torture memos.
I was so afraid that ugliness would be forever locked away.
The truth is brutal.
Horrifying.
But the truth must be brought into the light of day.

This is just the first step, President Obama.
The next is accountability.
             

Teabag-totaler

/ Tracy Abell / 6 Comments

Several times yesterday I brewed a cup of eyebright tea and put the teabag on my left eye which was sore and irritated.  It feels better today but would benefit from another dose or two of that holistic remedy.

However, since I do not want to be mistaken for one of those teabagging fools who didn’t give one crap about the financial and moral costs of invading and occupying another country but has suddenly discovered "patriotic" outrage, I will avoid all teabags today.

I’m hoping the eye irritation and sanctimonious bullshit simultaneously disappear.

               

The Personality of First Drafts

/ Tracy Abell / 7 Comments

Writing is like driving at night in the fog.
You can only see as far as your headlights,
but you can make the whole trip that way.
 
                                                 – – – E. L. Doctorow

I’ve always loved this quote.
But I’m sure it’s anathema
to John Irving who believes
if you’re making it up as you go along
you’re not a writer, just a liar.

Each first draft is different for me.
Each process unique.
What I know ahead of time varies.

Yesterday I felt a combination of
fear and exhilaration as I wrote my 1000 words.
Squinting ahead into the fog.

I haven’t written yet today.
I’m worried the story might be headed for a cliff.
But if that’s the case,
I’ll just have to grab the wheel and make a sharp turn.

And hope I don’t run over any liars 
who might be staggering around in the fog.

           

Wildebeest in Search of Cinderella

/ Tracy Abell / 8 Comments

This morning I put Wildebeest’s lunch in his backpack.
And laughed.

Since May ’08, one of these: COMBINATION LOCK

has been locked onto the top loop of one of these: BACKPACK

On the last day of school Wildebeest
took the lock off his gym locker and locked it
onto his pack for safekeeping.
And promptly forgot the combination.

So this morning when I laughed about it
he told me it’s “like the shoe thing and seeing who fits.”
Whoever can figure out the combination,
regardless of sex,
will be who Wildebeest marries.

Kids keep attempting
combination after combination
in hopes of freeing the Wildebeest.

It makes me smile thinking of so many friends
working to give him a happily-ever-after.  

    A Thought on a Friday

    / Tracy Abell / 2 Comments
    “Life has got a habit of not standing hitched.  You got to ride it like you find it.
    You got to change with it.
    If a day goes by that don’t change some of your old notions for new ones,
    that is just about like trying to milk a dead cow.”
    —-Woody Guthrie

    Wishing everyone a wonderful weekend
    filled with new notions
    and maybe
    a wild ride or two.

    If you need a weekend soundtrack, this is a great one.

     

    Sovereign Immunity, My Ass

    / Tracy Abell / 6 Comments

    This week I went to Goodwill and bought a blow dryer.
    Not because I have a new hairdo.
    But because I needed to remove this from my car’s bumper:

    I’m disgusted by Obama’s Department of Justice.
    Which means I’m disgusted by Obama.

    This week the DoJ went even farther than Bush/Cheney’s claims of "state’s secrets" privilege
    in regards to illegal wiretapping.
    Obama claimed "sovereign immunity" to any lawsuit against the government
    unless there is "willful disclosure" of the illegally gathered information.

    Sovereign immunity.
    I cannot believe the man who said he wanted to bring transparency to government
    is now violating our constitution in order to protect Bush/Cheney from prosecution.

    The more things change, the more they stay the same.
    Or, in this case, get even worse.
                     

    Hell Fire Baking

    / Tracy Abell / 3 Comments

    Speaking as someone who started a fire in the oven after cranking the heat
    on pumpkin seeds because I was hungry and wanted to eat them RIGHT AWAY,
    this just cracks me up.

    AGNES by Tony Cochran

             

    Dot’s Birthday Catered by Agnes

    / Tracy Abell / 12 Comments

    Today in honor of Dot’s birthday, Agnes and Trout are making a pie.
    Remember, Dot; their intentions are good.

    AGNES by Tony Cochan

    Wishing you a wonderful day and a coming year filled with much good stuff (not necessarily bologna pie).
    Happy Birthday, Dot!

                   

    Wildebeest’s Hair – Part Deux

    / Tracy Abell / 21 Comments

    A while back I wrote about Wildebeest’s quest for dread locks.
    He hit a, shall we say, snag along the way.
    The dreads were put on hold.

    This past Friday Wildebeest’s friends were here.
    While skating on the patio, Wildebeest caught sight of his shaggy reflection in the window
    and decided he wanted to see his neck again. (His words.)
    He ran upstairs and informed Zebu, D, and J he wanted to cut his hair.

    Mania ensued.

                    

    The whole process lasted about twelve minutes since Wildebeest had to leave for an
    appointment.  D and J did a pretty good job under those conditions but there was definitely
    room for improvement.  The next morning, with D’s guidance, I tided up Wildebeest’s hair
    as best I could.  Later, he took this self-portrait.

    This morning I asked if he still liked his hair.
    Wildebeest said, “My long hair looked nice when it was combed out and smooth.
    But now it’s nice all the time.”

    He’s happy.
    I’m happy.

    SPARTANS!

    / Tracy Abell / 3 Comments

    Okay, so Michigan State won against UConn. 
    Which means I jumped from 67th place in the Bransford Blog Challenge
    up to 12th place.

    It feels good being on the front page for once.

    I love me some scrappy basketball!!!

    UPDATE:  Because UNC won, I’m now in 7th place.
    According to my resident number crunchers, only one person can win besides me.

    GO SPARTANS!!!
                   

    Friday Five: The Z Edition

    / Tracy Abell / 18 Comments
    • Good news:  Zebu’s nose is not broken (despite getting elbowed while playing basketball). 
    • More good news:  Zippy goes in this afternoon for his second stress test to adjust his target heart rate and blood pressure.
    • It’s official: My zombie-like cold symptoms are in the past (ht to C.K. who suffered her own never-ending zombie illness this winter).
    • Were you aware that Z-therapy is a form of psychotherapy in which the patient is forced by a group of people into a cathartic release of pent-up emotions?  But when the group of people is made up of three household males who insist on stacking dirty dishes on the counter above the dishwasher, does the ensuing shrieking cathartic release truly qualify as psychotherapy? 
    • This is the result of Zippy hearing a whoo-whoo outside the window in the early morning but realizing  too late the zoom lens wasn’t mounted on the camera: 

    Wishing everyone a wonderful weekend.

             
                       

    Stuart Smalley and Me

    / Tracy Abell / 25 Comments

    Of his own initiative, Wildebeest spent part of his spring break with my mother in Florida.
    They both had a great time.
    When she called yesterday to say he was on the plane, she brought tears to my eyes
    with all the wonderful things she had to say about him.

    I was so proud of him.

    Thirty minutes after getting home, Wildebeest got angry about something
    and proceeded to lash out at his favorite target: me.
    Without directly addressing my writing, he said just enough to get me doubting myself.

    I started thinking I was delusional about having an actual writing career in which money is
    part of the equation.
    All those good feelings about Wildebeest disappeared.
    All my confidence in myself was gone.

    So who did I turn to?
    This guy.
    Stuart Smalley.

    If you’re not familiar with this book, I can’t recommend it enough. 
    This is my dog-eared copy of Stuart’s (aka Al Franken) daily affirmations.

    Stuart is a member of various twelve-step programs (OA, DA, Al-Anon, etc) but
    despite his best efforts sometimes goes into Shame Spirals. 
    Stuart’s shame spirals usually result in him taking to bed with a case of Hydrox or
    several boxes of Animal Crackers (the OA component at work.)

    Stuart makes me laugh (every single time I read his affirmations), but he also
    hits on some truths.
    Last night this one resonated with me:

    December 12
    TODAY I AM A TOTALLY COMPETENT PERSON!
    I feel strangely confident.  Or strangely competent.  Or just strange!  Anyway, I’m taping today, and I feel good about it.  But not cocky or grandiose.  Steve calls it "delusions of adequacy."  That’s a joke.  It’s just that it feels like everything that’s ever happened to me has brought me to this moment.  And I guess that’s something to remember.  Which is that we can actually learn and benefit from all this bizarre stuff that happens to us.  I am who I am, I don’t want to trade places with anybody, and my experience has made me stronger.  I am in recovery, hear me roar!

    Do yourself a favor and get a copy of this book.

                  

    Suspended Animation

    / Tracy Abell / 4 Comments

    Okay, this is how I see it:

    The finches are literary agents. 
    Feathers unruffled.
    Watching.  Judging.

    The wing-flapping junco is me. 
    Nearly manic with hopes and dreams.
    Flapping.  Dancing.

    Look at me!  Look at me!

    But what the junco understands
    and what I need to remember (again)
    is that sometimes
    the hunt
    is 
    suspended animation.
      

                    

    I Don’t Wanna Write Like Mike

    / Tracy Abell / 2 Comments

    Back when I lived in Alaska, a guy named Mike Doogan wrote a column for the Anchorage Daily News.  He was funny and took swipes at most everyone and everything.  I liked reading his column.  Then one day he announced his "I Want to Write Like Mike" contest in which readers were encouraged to write and submit columns of their own.  He chose three winners and mine was one of them.  My column, something to do with litter found along hiking trails, ran below the fold in the Sunday edition of the paper.  I was very excited and grateful to Mike for the opportunity.  Soon after, I landed a guest columnist slot at the paper.  I’ve always thought of my little "Mike" victory as the confidence booster I needed to write and submit my work.

    Some time after we left Alaska, Mike Doogan was elected to the Alaskan legislature.  He’s now a Democratic house representative for people in Anchorage.  When Zippy and I found out, we laughed but weren’t too surprised; the Alaska political scene has always been strange.

    This past weekend Alaska politics took another bizarre twist.

    Representative Mike Doogan decided to out an anonymous political blogger.

    AKMuckraker via The Mudflats: Tiptoeing Through the Muck of Alaskan Politics, came to national attention during the 2008 campaign when John McCain selected AK governor Sarah Palin to be his running mate.  AKMuckraker wrote about Gov Palin’s job performance and the many sticky ethical issues surrounding Palin and her family.  The Mudflats educated voters in a way no other media did.

    It seems Rep Mike Doogan didn’t have a problem with AKMuckraker going after Palin (in fact, he penned his own column on the subject.)  Doogan got his knickers in a knot when AKMuckraker wrote about Rep Doogan’s rude, dismissive emails to constituents.  That’s when Doogan made it his duty to figure out the identify of the person behind The Mudflats.  Even though, as AKMuckraker stated in a post this weekend:

    It said in my “About” page that I choose to remain anonymous.  I didn’t tell anyone why.  I might be a state employee.  I might not want my children to get grief at school.  I might be fleeing from an ex-partner who was abusive and would rather he not know where I am.  My family might not want to talk to me anymore.  I might alienate my best friend.  Maybe I don’t feel like having a brick thrown through my window.  My spouse might work for the Palin administration.  Maybe I’d just rather people not know where I live or where I work.  Or none of those things may be true.  None of my readers, nor Mike Doogan had any idea what my personal circumstances might be.  But that didn’t seem to matter.

    Doogan didn’t care about AKMuckraker’s privacy.  Doogan decided it was more important to use his resources as an elected official to play private eye and then broadcast his findings in a legislative newsletter.  

    I don’t know what happened to the Mike Doogan who gave me a huge boost.  I don’t know the source of his anger and bitterness.  But I do know that in launching an assault against free speech and the first amendment, Doogan changed my mind: I no longer want to write like Mike.

                   

    March Madness Buzzer Shot

    / Tracy Abell / 6 Comments

    I’m having a great time watching all the NCAA games.  College basketball is really such fun (even though my two brackets absolutely stink; I’m WAY down the list in Nathan Bransford’s bracket challenge).

    Watch this clip from last night’s game between Missouri and Memphis as Missouri’s Marcus Denmon makes a 65-feet shot right before the half-time buzzer.  They show it from different angles and it’s definitely worth viewing.

    And yes, I picked Missouri to win.

    This shot was especially gratifying since Denmon had just made another basket that was contested; after reviewing the tape officials said it was only a two-pointer and not a three.
                

    Lights! Camera! Action!

    / Tracy Abell / 10 Comments

    Wildebeest and friends are helping D make an extra-credit video for Spanish class.
    D came out from behind the camera to wield the bat.
    Wildebeest bared his belly
    and K donned a multi-color wig.
    A few minutes later Wildebeest ran into the kitchen and grabbed a bottle of ketchup.

    I get the feeling viewers are going to wish there were subtitles.


     
              

    Research or Time Suck?

    / Tracy Abell / 6 Comments

    I’m reading this right now
    to help me figure out character motivation
    and resolve a plot issue.

    It turns out catchers are an interesting breed
    and I’m enjoying the book
    which makes me wonder
    if I’ve moved beyond Research
    into Procrastination.