This is what I saw out my window a bit ago,
American Goldfinches against a backdrop of asters.
Now.
Can someone please explain what happened to Photobucket and
LiveJournal image insert since I last posted a photo?
It took forever to get this photo here and I’m not even sure how I finally succeeded.
Plus, I can’t resize this photo which is why it’s of the ginormous variety.
I used to feel a bit savvy about this stuff but now I’m back to feeling confused.
Sigh.
1) Dropped Zebu at the high school this morning for freshmen orientation.
2) Zebu was disdainful yesterday when I asked if he knew what he was going to wear today,
yet this morning proudly pointed out that his shoes matched his shirt.
3) Wildebeest got himself up and out the door for a 6 a.m. cross country practice this morning. Wow.
4) Zebu and Wildebeest have a gym class together this semester, and are giddy with excitement.
5) I cannot believe summer vacation is over.
© Tracy Abell 2010
Wishing everyone a glorious August weekend!
. . . so you might as well take a big bite.
© Tracy Abell 2010
Today I’m out from under a cloud that hovered for the past two months,
and I’m feeling lighter and more like me again.
Now it’s back to my life being nuts on my own terms.
I’m supposed to be working on BIRD BRAIN,
but keep getting distracted by three juvenile Western Scrub Jays.
I saw one hopping around my patio table this morning,
checking out the umbrella turn-handle as if hoping it would yield food.
Fortunately, she came around the house and found the motherlode of peanuts.
© Tracy Abell 2010
The youngsters aren’t able to extract the whole thing the way adult jays do,
but they peck at the shells until they can pull out one peanut at a time.
(This qualifies as research, right?)
I went out into my garden just now.
It’s not a pretty sight.
I’ve neglected it for the past couple months
as I focused on my writing projects.
Here’s Lamb’s Ear strangled with bind weed:
Yarrow upstaged by thistle:
Sunflower in a neck-and-neck race with incredibly tall thistles:
Yesterday Zebu came out in the front yard where I was busting sod,
a task I began a month or so ago.
I’m taking out a huge area of lawn to be replaced with rocks
and isolated plantings.
Zebu asked, "Do you expect to have this done by winter?"
I replied in the affirmative.
Zebu expressed some doubts.
"Not only that," I said. "But I’m also going to have the kitchen all painted
and finish my book."
He said, "Something won’t get done."
I said, "Well, it won’t be my book. I’m finishing that."
He went back inside,
and I dug out another piece of lawn.
Working hard on BIRD BRAIN
and feeling good about making progress.
The cool thing about this project
is that most anytime I look out the window,
I see my inspiration.
These Grackles visited me almost a year ago
but they still make me smile.
© Tracy Abell 2010
I might have to take a break and belly up to the feeder for a snack (or two).
This morning Zippy dropped Wildebeest and Zebu at the bus station
where they got on a bus headed to Albuquerque.
They will be with Zippy’s sister for the weekend.
Which means….
I get to write and write and write.
So, in honor of my BIRD BRAIN focus,
here is a blurry pic of two birds huddled together on a branch in Kiowa.
I felt their watchful gaze as I took wildflower photos with my macro-lens,
and turned to see them in the tree.
The photo quality is poor but I still think they’re darned cute.
Whatever they are.
Happy writing day to everyone!
I’ve struggled off and on with BIRD BRAIN,
sometimes feeling good about how it was shaping up,
but other times feeling it lacked a certain oomph.
I don’t want to invite the wrath of the universe by getting too confident,
but would like to document here that I believe I’ve finally cracked the code.
Now that I’ve let go of my preconceptions about length and format,
the story is flowing quite nicely.
And even better?
I’ve finally, finally found the narrator’s true voice.
I’m so very happy.
(Which does NOT translate to over-confident. You hear, Universe?)
And just because it’s cute, here’s a squirrel from Westcliffe: 
© 2010 Zippy
Saturday was the official end-of-Mentor-Program picnic in the mountains.
I gave my mentor, Claudia Mills, a little plaque that included this:
CLAWDIA
This morning I ran on the trails and fell.
But it was the best fall, ever.
When I told Zebu that, he asked "Did you stick it on the dismount?"
I did!
Today I start my new plan for BIRD BRAIN,
which is to rewrite chapters from scratch.
I’ve been working on voice/characterization but it feels as if I’m
nickel and diming the story.
So….time to get serious and write it anew.
Zoinks.
I hope everyone’s Monday is off to a stellar start, and that the week just keeps getting
better and better.
Yesterday we made the trek to Kiowa
for the annual 4th of July picnic in the cow pasture.
Flowers weren’t as plentiful as last year,
and the yucca weren’t in bloom,
but I got some nice pics.
Here’s a bouquet of Scarlet Paintbrush:
Hope everyone had a grand weekend and that the coming week
is filled with the sweet silence of NoMoreFireworks.
I left the revision cave today to get my hair done
(looking something like this):
I wanted a crew cut but knew that wouldn’t fly with my stylist.
So I tried to make a half-way change and get it cut as short as possible
while still allowing a ponytail (for running).
But at the moment of decision I thought about my Laura-bracelet:
LEAP & THE NET WILL APPEAR.
I opted for short-short.
And I’m very happy.
Spotted this guy sunning himself on the patio this morning:
And here’s Lebowski lounging in the sedum:
He didn’t even notice the snake,
and neither did the dogs.
It’s scary when I’m the most observant on a Monday morning.
1) Zebu was born in Anchorage, Alaska, fourteen years ago today
after twenty-six hours of labor from which I went temporarily AWOL.
2) I’d planned a home birth but since Zebu was early, law dictated I had to be in the hospital,
which is one of my least favorite places on the planet.
3) But I coped by going out on the grounds with my friend, A, who coached me through
contractions as we watched a moose ramble around.
4) We found out later the nurses were paging me over and over, but I eventually returned to my room
and they didn’t yell all that much.
5) After many more hours of labor, my beautiful Zebu was born, and today we celebrate him.
One constant over the years is Zebu’s robust dislike for having his picture taken.
I’ve been scarce around here and am popping in to say
I’m thinking of everyone
but am putting my time/energy/focus into some revisions.
I don’t like neglecting my online community
but feel it’s best for my emotional/writerly health to keep forging ahead.
I’m making progress and that is good for my soul.
Know that I’m thinking of you and wishing happy stuff all the way around!
Here’s a Coco pic to make you smile:
Bonus points to anyone who can tell me what she’s thinking.
Yesterday I suffered a massive blow to my quest for publication.
I’m still reeling from it all and trying to process
what it means for me in the long-term.
More than once the thought has entered my mind that I should give up,
cry "Uncle!"
Take up something new.
But as I sat on my patio this morning,
in a stunned kind of mourning,
I saw an ant dragging an equally large ant across the paver stones.
WARNING: Avert your gaze if you do not like ants!
© 2010 Tracy Abell
Then the ant started up the vertical wall of my step,
and my first thought was, "Wow. That’s some strength."
My second thought was, "Hey, if a tiny ant can summon all that inner fortitude, so can I."
So, while I’m still feeling shaky and unsure,
I’m also feeling that glimmer of resolve that’s carried me this far.
I’m counting on The Mighty Ant to remind me of my capabilities.
I will prevail.
Today is the end of Zebu’s school year.
His last day of eighth grade and middle school.
The last day to ride the school bus
and witness kids throwing plastic soldiers out the windows at cars,
and other acts of idiocy.
He’s happy.
Happy, happy.
So in honor of his accomplishment
and also to brighten this overcast day,
I bring you a festive American Goldfinch:
© 2010 Zippy
We have a new thistle feeder, and this bird swooped in on the second day.
Haven’t seen him since, though, so if he shows up in your yard,
please tell him Tracy says hello.
This morning I’m headed to my brother’s house
on a Beautification Mission.
It feels like the perfect project for me right now.
Number one, it’ll make him happy
but it will also help me overcome my feelings of overwhelm and despair
related to the massive oil spill and calls for more war funding.
Digging in the soil as I talk and laugh with my brother
will be the best remedy for what ails me, I think.
I’m taking plants from my garden:
Including several Red Valerian plants:
© 2010 Tracy Abell
And a whole lot of Bearded Iris bulbs that may or may not be this color:
© 2010 Tracy Abell
I hope to create a lovely oasis of calm and beauty for my brother
who next week is flying to Florida to drive back to Colorado with our mother.
It’s my way of thanking him for being a good guy.
Whatever your mission, I wish you a memorable Memorial Day weekend.
Yesterday I wrote about being grumpy as a result of not writing.
Later, I wrote some fast fiction that excelled in its suckiness.
However, I felt better for doing it,
and this morning, resolved to write something else.
Without censoring myself for additional suckiness.
Ladies and gentlemen, behold the uncensored product of Tracy’s mind:
MARKING TIME
I just saw a flicker poop
on the railing.
After he lured me to the window
with his urgent, chirpy call.
He pooped right in front of me,
then just up and flew away.
Without looking back.
Without acknowledging his audience of one.
And I’m left to wonder
what it is I’m supposed to do
now.
Oh, wait.
I know.
© 2010 Tracy Abell
Wildebeest didn’t have school yesterday so we spent time together.
1) I drove him to Boulder so he could run two miles on a treadmill to get a qualifying time
for the BolderBoulder on Memorial Day.
2) While in Boulder, we took our recyclables to the recycling center
where Wildebeest impressed me with his knowledge of paper board vs cardboard.
3) As we drove back on Highway 93 (which is a beautiful drive along the foothills), we watched
a courageous (foolhardy?) bird repeatedly harass a much larger hawk.
4) We talked about many things, including the fact that because a person’s sexuality encompasses
much more than a sex life, it’s reasonable to discuss Supreme Court nominee Elena Kagan’s sexuality.
5) Last, we went to the DMV so Wildebeest could get his learner’s permit, and watched as a woman
backed a long, white pickup truck into a sign post right before a crying teen girl ran over and got in
the passenger’s seat (after flunking her own driving test?)
The time was filled with lots of driving and waiting, plus a scraped knuckle at the recycling center,
but it was still a very nice afternoon.
Wishing everyone scintillating conversations and teen bonding experiences this weekend!
"Orange is the happiest color."
— Frank Sinatra
It’s a gray and gloomy day here
but just after Zebu left for school, I saw a flash of color in the bushes.
And then to my delight, this Western Tanager landed at the feeder:
© 2010 Tracy Abell
And this is one of the Black-Headed Grosbeaks that has been visiting all week:
© 2010 Tracy Abell
It doesn’t look as if we’ll get any sunshine but all the glorious plumage has already brightened my day.
Maybe I’ll put on some Sinatra . . .
Yesterday I spent time working in my garden,
but rather than calming and rejuvenating my spirit, the work agitated.
Why?
Two words: Euonymus coloratus.
Years ago when I began landscaping the slope in my backyard,
a gardening expert recommended I plant Euonymus (yoo-on–uh-muh
s)
and some evergreen-juniper-creeping stuff to prevent soil erosion.
Good news: the soil didn’t erode.
Bad news: the groundcover ran amok.
Last fall I removed the evergreens and yesterday I cut back tons of
Euonymus that’s choking out other plants.
It made me crabby knowing that all the sweat and effort and money
I’d put into my garden was literally being strangled by those shiny green stems and leaves.
Now I’m faced with several options:
a) cut back the Euonymus each and every year with the knowledge the roots will grow thicker
b) dig out the deeply rooted and pervasive Euonymus with the knowledge I’ll destroy other plants in the process
c) avert my gaze
All this got me thinking about writing, of course.
I just finished a major revision in which I killed off a character,
deleted an entire plot line, heavily revised two-thirds of the book,
and completely rewrote the last third.
I’m not afraid of hard work.
But I’ve realized that while I love gardening, I prefer it on a low maintenance level.
I like to putter around, but even more I enjoy sitting on my patio,
admiring the flowers. Watching the butterflies and listening to birds.
Writing novels.
Moral of this story?
I’m keeping my day job.
Just got back from my PT appointment
at which I received strict instructions to not run for a week.
It’s now official: I will not be running the BolderBoulder on Memorial Day.
© 2010 Zippy
(Lebowski wasn’t planning on running this year so I have no idea why he looks so grumpy).
I’m working on my final chapter, and feel good about most all of it
except for the last few lines.
I know I’ll get there but it’s a bit maddening to have come this far
only to be flummoxed.
I’m not quite sure why, but this photo from last summer feels right for this post:
© 2010 Tracy Abell
Maybe because I found out via this link, that younger ants usually take care of the queen and brood,
while the older ants typically have the more dangerous tasks of foraging and defense.
I’m definitely an older ant,
and writing towards The End can sometimes feel a bit dangerous. Scary.
But I have to keep crawling around my final page, foraging for those just-right words to end my story.
(And for a little off-topic Ha-ha, here’s a snippet from the above link: "Ant colonies are grossly divided into queens, males, and workers. The job of the queen is to lay eggs. The males generally do nothing for the colony. They wander around accepting food from the workers until the time comes for mating. They die almost immediately after mating." Correct me if I’m wrong, but isn’t this the ultimate fantasy?)
I’m fighting feelings of overwhelm right now,
mostly political and environmental concerns.
I need to harness good feelings to carry me through.
And there’s nothing like a bird to make me feel better,
so I’m going to share in case anyone else needs a little boost.
Female Downy Woodpecker © 2010 Tracy Abell
Wishing everyone a groovy weekend filled with lovely birds
and whatever else makes your heart go thumpa.
Tracy Abell 